Want Some Cheese With Your Kryptonite?

Happy New Year!  I missed you!

I thought I was doing myself a favour by taking a one-week vacation from blogging, but apparently if I want to retain my sanity I need to interact with people who don’t exist solely inside my head. (And if you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll be justifiably horrified that this is my version of ‘sanity’.)

But sane or not, I’m grateful to all of you for taking the time to read and interact with me every week – thank you!

This is prime time for New Year’s resolutions, but (as usual) I haven’t made any. I’d love to pretend there’s some noble intellectual reason for that, but the sordid truth is that I avoid making resolutions because of my donkey DNA.

I’ve mentioned before that it forces me to respond to dares, but it also impels me to do the exact opposite to any resolution I make. The instant I resolve never to (fill in unhealthy habit here) or touch another bite of (fill in unhealthy food here), I’ll immediately seek out the prohibited food or activity and binge on it… even if I don’t really enjoy it. I swear I could renounce brussels sprouts and within a day I’d be sneaking away to pig out on them.

Okay, bad example.  I could probably resist brussels sprouts, but everybody has their kryptonite: a substance that renders them weak and utterly helpless. I’ve already confessed my shameful addiction to hortiporn and my ongoing membership in Toolaholics Anonymous, so I won’t revisit those-

…Vegetables! Perfect vegetables and brilliant flowers, and the seeds are so cheap! And tools! Shiny beautiful wrenches and air tools and-

*shakes head and slaps own face vigorously*

Sorry. I’m back now.

You’d think two varieties of kryptonite would be enough, but no; I have several:

  • Ice cream – I’ll eat it any time of the day or night, even when it’s 30-below outside. I’d eat it for every meal if I didn’t know I’d gain so much weight that I wouldn’t fit in my car. And that would prevent me from going out to buy more ice cream, which would totally suck.
  • Cheese – Ditto. Any kind of cheese; or better still, all kinds. I’m particularly partial to stinky ‘robustly-flavoured’ varieties but I love them all, from mild to malodorous to mouldy.
  • Yarn and fabric – I don’t go into those stores anymore. Crossing their thresholds would violate the terms of my parole.
  • Camping/outdoor equipment – Show me anything from a Ka-bar knife to a kayak, and I’ll immediately begin to salivate. It’s pathetic.
  • Outdoor reference books – Want to identify a bird? I have seven bird books. Mushroom? Four volumes. Wildflower? Fish? Animal track? Turd? Yep, yep, yep, and yep! (Do you know how hard it is to find books on identifying animal scat? Sheesh.) And still, any time I travel to a new area I buy a flora and fauna reference book as a souvenir.
  • Potato chips – I can’t even have them in the house. At least not for longer than it takes me to snarf the entire family-sized bag.

You may notice that I’ve omitted beer, chocolate, and rare steaks from the list, but believe it or not, I can actually resist those if necessary. (Most of the time. And I reserve the right to define ‘necessary’.)

What’s your kryptonite?

61 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life

61 responses to “Want Some Cheese With Your Kryptonite?

  1. Pingback: Search Engine Junkie | Diane Henders

  2. Angela

    Except for your hair colour, and ice cream, I think you might be my long lost sister ha ha. I’m not quite sure how you managed to hold off listing chips until the end of your list though. Happy New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Christina

    Coffee, bookstores, trails.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Big Ugly Man Doll

    Happy new year and welcome back! I’m increasingly able to resist most of my kryptonite. I still have a hard time keeping good scotch in the house; it seems to evaporate. Could be the humidity. But I’m getting better at resisting!

    Sadly, my budget does most of my resisting for me – books, in particular. I can THINK about that first edition of Sir Walter Scott’s Lady of the Lake, but I can’t actually be in the room with it, lest the cries of my budget be overrun with the heartstopping drumbeat of BOOK. BOOK. BOOK. BOOK…..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Laurel

    I hear you. I just ate half a bag of salt and pepper kettle potato chips and what goes really well with that? A beer in an ice cold frosty glass. This does not hark well for my resolution for a healthier new year! Starting over tomorrow…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, yum! Kettle chips and beer! *sigh*

      I can’t remember which self-help guru it was whose guiding mantra was “Don’t swim away from the boat”. Meaning that if the boat is your diet and you fall off the boat, swim toward it and get back on as quickly as you can instead of swimming in the opposite direction. But I dunno; sometimes I like to just swim alongside the boat for a while… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  6. el Tea

    My Kryptonite list is remarkably similar to yours, Diane. As I may have mentioned earlier, my dad and two of his friends bought an ice cream parlor franchise, he was so nuts for ice cream. We were (obligated) allowed to visit frequently to do quality control. I don’t keep it in the house very often- too tempting.
    I differ some due to the fact that I paint, rather than do creative writing. I have four full sets of acrylic paints even though only 10% of my paintings are done in that medium- each set has a different purpose. I have three sets of pastels. I have a lifetime supply of all the materials necessary to make thousands more pastel sticks, because there is no such thing as having all the colors needed to complete a painting without complaining about the color that you don’t own. My current color count (not the same as the number of sticks, since I have lots of extras of each color) is around 800. I know a woman with 7,000 colors and she whines too that there are colors lacking.
    A day without cheese is not worth enduring.
    I’ve not been bit too hard by the yarn bug since by the time I taught myself to knit and crochet, I had carpal tunnel and tendonitis in both hands. Plus, I have expensive taste in yarn, and I’m too cheap to get sucked in. I am now on a two-year moratorium to avoid entering fabric stores. I must use most of what I have before I will allow myself to purchase more.
    My outdoor equipment passion has diminished due to sleep apnea. It is just too hard to tent in wilderness areas with marine batteries that run out of power so quickly. But I own a fabulous tent designed to deal with rainforest rains.
    I’m glad I do so well without chocolate. I’m not at all tempted by most mass-produced candy bar company’s products, but the really good stuff doesn’t last long if I see or smell it. But I have double the guilt- weight problems, and a strong likelihood that I might make another massive kidney stone if I eat too much stuff from the top 10 worst list. Chocolate occupies the #3 spot on my list to avoid.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow! The thought of all your pastels makes me salivate even though I have zero talent for working with pastels. Just the thought of all those glorious colours… *sigh* 🙂

      I’m proud to say I haven’t bought yarn or fabric recently… well, except for one little skein of yarn for a tiny crocheting project, so that doesn’t really count, right? Anyway, I’m too cheap to buy the really nice stuff and I don’t have time to crochet much, but I love to go into the stores and fondle the skeins. I particularly like silk and bamboo – absolutely sumptuous!

      (Kidney stones – owie! That sounds incredibly painful! No wonder chocolate is off your list.)

      Liked by 1 person

      • el Tea

        Warning! There is no painting medium more expensive than Soft Pastel. A single sheet of paper can cost as much as $25.00. A single stick of color ranges between $1.25 to $15.00- more still if you buy them in Paris at the source. And as stated previously, there are never enough colors. My homemade sticks cost about $.25 each and are every bit as nice as the pricey stuff.
        I hear passing a kidney stone is worse than giving birth, but I’ve experienced neither. My stone was thought to be the size of a large marble after MRI and CT scans. It turned out to almost fill that kidney. My surgeon went up through the established route and crushed it to gravel and removed every piece one at a time. No pain. When it was analyzed, it was a rare type, but also the sort most likely to reoccur. I was put on medication and two diets that eliminated all my favorite foods including all the healthful choices that were keeping my weight down. We decided that the best thing was to largely ignore the diets and just use moderation with the top 10 offenders, and when I eat anything from that list to wash it down with an extra liter of water.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Thickthty-thickth perthent! Phabulariouth, thithter! You tho rock!

    My kryptonite? Dunno. Garage is too small to get anything else in there in the way of tools. I just replaced a creeper and roll-around stool and floor jack with new ones, but the old ones are tossed. No room.

    Food? Plenty there, but trying (semi-successfully) to keep the weight off. Blood sugar issues take care of the rest. I’ll do a small scoop of ice cream occasionally, but it’s usually easier just to do without.

    Clothes? Nah. I like to dress well (I even own my own tuxedo), but scheduling reduces opportunities of late. Success with weight loss caused me to buy trousers with a smaller waist size, but I kept the old ones because they are perfect for concealed carry. Inside-the-waistband holsters fit perfectly and disappear completely. God, I love Texas. We’re open-carry now since January 1, but I have yet to see anyone doing so. The Texas Department of Public Safety still has a two-month backlog on handgun licenses. But fear not. In Texas, holders of handgun carry licenses must pass the same deep background check that police officers are subjected to. I’m good with that.

    High-power rocket stuff? Sure, but still don’t have time to mess with it much anymore. I’ll probably retire in four years, so maybe then.

    That only leaves one thing. Aydan and her friends. And Book II is getting closer every dayl. I WIN!!

    Like

    • LOL! Yes, indeed it is! I had another really good writing day today, and have high hopes for the weekend, too.

      And I think there’s a lot of freedom in reaching the point where ‘stuff’ loses its attraction – well done. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over my love of food, though. And books… and… oh, never mind. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’d bring up my overwhelming addiction to the printed word, but I’ve already confessed to that in a previous episode. And I mean overwhelming. Anything. Words in a line. Or individually.

        Me at a Readers Anonymous meeting: Hi. My name is Lynn, and I’m a readaholic.

        Everyone else: Hi, Lynn.

        Like

        • I hear you. I’ve been known to read the fine print on shampoo bottles if there’s no other printed word available. We could start a Readaholics Anonymous program, but I’d fail – I can admit I have a problem, but I’m not the least bit interested in changing it. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  8. Gma

    Jewelry, especially bracelets and rings. Office supplies. Books.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Books, power tools, wood. Anything sweet or salty like cookies or cheese. I too like the robust cheeses but old sharp cheddar wins over all others

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Still laughing out loud. The vision of you eating ice cream until you couldn’t fit in the car was hysterical. Chocolate can not be in the premises here. Definitely my kryptonite.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If Hubby buys me chocolates (he always buys Bernard Callebaut – yum!), I do myself a favour by removing them from the house as fast as possible.
      …And the fastest, easiest way to remove them is to gobble them all down! But I always remind him that I really don’t need/want chocolates. At least that keeps the binges down to once or twice a year. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  11. jenny_o

    Chocolate. No – chips. No – chocolate. No – BOTH of them. Aaargh. Also pastry with anything in the middle. Also buttons. I know! And they’re not even edible!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I used to loathe brussels spouts as a kid. The very idea of them made me want to hurl. But now, if you take fresh brussels sprouts, toss them in olive oil and sea salt, drizzle a little maple syrup on them (yes, you read that right–maple syrup, which my husband claims is a beverage), and roast them until they are crispy on the outside & soft on the inside… *happy sigh* Trust me, you will add them to your kryptonite list.

    Funny thing about camping equipment: I, too, love it. All that stuff is so cool! Only, I don’t like to camp. I just like looking at the stuff. I’m the same with cooking shows–love to watch them, don’t like to cook. And home improvement shows–watching home renovation is fun. Doing it? Uh, no. I think I like to live vicariously. (With certain *cough* notable exceptions, but it would make me blush to mention them.)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Karen

    My kryptonite is deffo jewellery, over Christmas and new year I have made earring’s and a necklace. I have got my mum into making things too.

    Another is my bed, there are some days I never want to get up I’m just warm and cozy. I will never give it up ever and you can’t make me.

    I love books either on my ereader or actual book. I do suffer ocd if II find someone I like and enjoy reading I have to have everything so Diane you have to write more lots and lots more.

    And as I said above somewhere I do love sprouts

    Happy new year to all

    Karen xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Linda Johnson

    Frozen vanilla yogurt — I just can’t stop if it is in the freezer. I mix in fresh fruit for a different flavor. Also books and book stores—even the library. I end up checking out the limit even when I know I won’t have time to finish every book. Looking forward to your new release!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Linda! Mmm, now I want frozen yogurt, too. And books of any sort are irresistible to me, but I’m not a ‘library’ person – I want to own them all! If I go to the library, it’s to research what to purchase next. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Rainbow Adler

    EVERYTHING is my kriptonite!!!!!!!! As long as I’m in this body I inhale EVERYTHING !!!!!!!!!! Your turn!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I heard my human’s jaw crash on his desk as he read your great post. He’s in the midst of a NYRs and diet is on top. All the food items mentioned … well he’s crying.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I love chocolate, but I can avoid overdoing it. I love popcorn, and I can eat a big bag of it, but that’s not all that terrible. But ice cream, oh yes, that’s a tricky one. I have to be sure to just scoop a small bowl and then leave the kitchen with it. Otherwise I’ll be too tempted to go a second round. And I never get the low-fat or low-sugar options with it. For me, when it comes to ice cream, if I splurge, I want the real thing. So, so creamy.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. With ice cream I have resolved to no longer sit in the chair eating out of the gallon container. From now on I will scoop the ice cream into a very large bowl so there will be less in front of me so I will eat less. I will also eat less ice cream if I do this only two or three times a day instead of five or six times a day.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Morning Diane,
    I know I’m not the only one with a stash, but it is sometimes too hard to resist new yarn when they keep dangling the newest lovely fibers in front of you. I worked in a knitting and fiber shop years ago and am still working on using up my stash (finished a sweater with that finely aged Harris Tweed only 30 years old, best sweater ever, great pattern).
    Unfortunately, I also worked at a large quilting store and a high end fabric store so my supplies of fabric and fiber is endless. Even giving some away and knitting for charity doesn’t really make a dent! Hate to admit that I came home last summer with a freshly shorn llama fleece! Big plans to spin yarn for a rug! …………..then there is my newest addiction–jewelry making and thank goodness I’m not into the really pricey stuff–yet! Just know that I won’t ever have time to be bored.
    Enjoyed your most recent book and looking forward to more wacky adventures of Aydan! Amazing how she goes thru the wringer and comes right back in good shape. Love the whole idea!!
    Thanks, Your Fan in Idaho

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, I’m glad you’re still enjoying Aydan! 🙂 I have an entire closet stacked full of tote boxes of fabric and yarn. The problem is, you can never throw it away because you might be able to use it! I had an orphan skein of variegated yarn that I’ve had since 1983, and I finally used it in a crocheting project this month. Intermittent reinforcement: the most powerful behavior-modification tool…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Valerie

        Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar! Pull and peel licorice (that will get me out of the house in any kind of weather when the urge hits) . Fabric (my daughter inherited this one as well- I sew – she doesn’t- but, like jewellery, one can appreciate the artistry anyway!)

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Cookies, Mexican food, guitars, camera lenses, old intricate mechanical stuff, and talented fascinating women. It’s a wonder I’m not in prison as I can not afford most of these things.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! At least cookies are cheap. And hey, camera lenses! They used to be my vice, too, back when I used my beloved old SLR (a Ricoh, which used a Pentax bayonet mount but had a wonderful diagonal split-image for focusing). Then we switched to a Canon digital body and it had so many automated settings, I couldn’t get it to just damn well leave me alone and let me set my aperture and shutter speed. (And the auto-focus isn’t nearly as good as what I could get with my old split-image.)

      It overrode me and screwed up my lighting and depth of field so many times I finally gave up on it – now Hubby uses it and I just snap photos with my phone. It’s less frustrating.

      I wish there was a way to convert my old Ricoh to digital…

      Liked by 1 person

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