Well, it’s time for another “proud to be Canadian” blog post. In previous years, my national pride has been stimulated by achievements such as world-champion profanity and the world’s fastest motorized toilet.
Fitting neatly into the topic of stimulation, this year I had originally planned to point out that we Canadians are a sexy bunch. A recent study showed we indulge in lots of interesting bedroom shenanigans, with threesomes being a popular choice. After all, it’s cold outside a lot of the time, so what else are we going to do? But my favourite statistic from the study was this: apparently 8% of Canadians have had sex in a canoe.
There’s one for my bucket list. Fortunately, they didn’t specify that the canoe had to be on water to qualify, ‘cause Hubby can’t swim. I’d offer to keep you posted on our progress, but I’m sure you’d rather not know. So moving right along…
I had also considered informing birders that Canada is home to the little-known Kiki bird. Although it’s an extremely common bird, most people in warmer climes have never encountered one. The Kiki can be spotted year-round in extreme northern Canada, and throughout most of the country during the winter months.
It’s a very large bird, completely flightless, and its plumage varies through every colour of the rainbow, making it impossible to determine its gender at a glance. You might think this would make it difficult to achieve a positive identification, but it’s instantly recognizable by its distinctive call: “Ki-ki-ki-riiist, it’s cold!”
All you have to do is step outside whenever the temperature dips below -20 and you’re likely to hear at least one. Go out in -30 or colder, and you’re guaranteed to hear a chorus.
Either of those things would have been worthy of a “national pride” blog post, but today I’m gratified to report our most significant achievement yet: everybody sucks the ass of our national animal.
My blogging buddy Murr Brewster pointed it out back in October, and she’s not even Canadian. I was buried in writing the final chapters of Book 7 at the time, but it’s one of those things I just have to bring to the attention of my readers, even if I’m a little behind (sorry).
It’s true. Beaver bum goop (actual words used by National Geographic’s columnist) is used in perfumes and as a food component, particularly in vanilla flavourings. And beaver butt smells good. I realize there’s a significant segment of the population that has always insisted beaver smells and/or tastes good; but I always kinda thought it was a subjective and largely gender-based opinion. Now I stand corrected. NatGeo says it’s yummy, so I defer to their expertise.
A couple of years ago, one of our senators had the temerity to insult our national animal and suggest we should change it to the polar bear instead. The backlash was swift and overwhelmingly negative, and no wonder.
After all, what other country can boast that its national animal is industrious, a stellar structural engineer, a devoted spouse, peaceable when left to its own devices, and a formidable fighter when provoked?
In every sense of the expression, its shit doesn’t stink.
Yep, I’m proud to be a Canadian!