This week I’m working on the cover art for the sixth book of my series, and I’m wading through images that range from OMG to WTF and everything in between.
As you may have noticed, the visual theme for the Never Say Spy series is “woman with gun”. Try searching that phrase on a stock photo site. You won’t believe the range of results. Apparently there’s an enormous need for stock photos of women from all walks of life holding firearms.
Brides, women in schoolgirl uniforms, soldiers, police officers, business women, rednecks, slutty cops in lingerie, bikini models in sky-high heels, punks, cowgirls, pregnant women, pioneers, spies, pirates, Cossacks, construction workers, Muslim women, duck hunters, and female SWAT personnel are just a few of the variations I’ve found.
Wardrobe choices range from leather, lace, fur, camo, denim, and spandex to more unusual garb like plastic wrap, tartan micro-minis, hard hats, headscarves, men’s pajama tops, parkas, sailor suits, a Napoleon uniform, metallic gold body paint, and nothing but a hat.
Clearly most of these women have never actually fired a gun, though it would be fun to watch them try using those grip positions. And maybe I’m just a strait-laced old lady, but I’ve never felt the urge to shoot in the nude (or even wearing a nice conservative string bikini). I prefer to keep my tender parts covered when there are hot brass cartridges flying around. I guess I’m just a wimp.
Weapon choices vary wildly. There are the usual assault rifles, semi-auto pistols, shotguns, revolvers, and air rifles, but bananas seem to be an extremely popular choice of weapon, too. I wonder if the gun control advocates realize that these deadly weapons are readily available in every supermarket, stored within easy reach of children. It’s shocking, I tell you.
If you’re looking for more unusual weapons, there are dangerous-looking women brandishing paintball guns, water pistols, fingers, hair dryers, tattoo guns, drills, cannons, gasoline nozzles, muskets, flintlocks, nerf guns, cameras, caulking guns, or a heavy-duty perforator. If I ever write a thriller about construction workers, I’m gonna use the photo of the blonde with the hard hat and perforator. That chick’s got muscles.
And… in all the thousands of photos retrieved by searching “woman with gun”, there was one picture of a cowed-looking young guy in a shirt and tie, holding a little-bitty gun and looking apologetic. I’m not sure whether the photo was tagged wrong or whether they popped that one in there just for fun, but I got a good laugh out of it.
Which was nice, because I figured they owed me after making me look at a naked woman posing with a bleeding, severed pig’s head. No matter what you need, there’s a stock photo out there for you. Though if you need that one, please don’t tell me. I’d rather sleep tonight.
But I really can’t complain. There are worse ways to spend a day than looking at pictures on the internet while blasting my favourite tunes.
I’m off to work now…
What are you up to today? Brandishing your banana? Decapitating pigs? Do tell.