As I’ve noted before, the universe seems to store up its oddities so it can dump them on me all at once. Apparently this week its goal was to leave me just slightly disturbed. (Some might argue that I’m already permanently disturbed, but pshaw.)
The first thing that left me feeling a little off-balance was the fact that I’ve been calling friends and family to see if ANYBODY wants some zucchini. There’s only so much I can eat, freeze, and dehydrate, and I passed that limit after the first thirty zukes. (And that was only two pickings. I’ve been picking every second day since the beginning of July. Math majors, don’t bother adding that up – it comes out to “far too many”!)
So I phone. I always get voicemail. (Is that a hint?) I leave my message offering free zucchini. And then…
*sound of crickets*
They never call back.
This leaves me feeling just a bit… odd. Ordinarily I’d consider it rude if somebody completely ignored an offer of free food; but after all, we are talking about zucchini here. Zucchini is like that overly friendly coworker who keeps proposing weird-bordering-on-creepy social activities every weekend. Maybe it’s the thought that counts; but you’re not sure you want to encourage those thoughts.
(And that leaves me wondering whether I’m that coworker and I’m just too oblivious to realize it. These are the things that keep me awake at night.)
My next “Um… what?!?” moment came when I was doing some research for Book 15. I began typing ‘Is it legal…’ into Google, and this is what popped up:
Seriously? Marrying yourself is the top Google search? How would that even work? And why? (And don’t get me started about all the animal questions.)
My next ‘Uh-oh’ arrived while I was picking another big basket of cucumbers, as I do every… second… day. (I may have to start breaking into people’s homes and leaving fresh produce behind.)
Anyway, there I was on my knees in the patch with all the bees working away at the blossoms… which were very near a certain place that’s quite dear to me. As I eyed the large bumblebee buzzing millimetres away from my crotch, I was reminded of the old joke about the guy in the dentist’s chair who reaches over to gently grip the dentist’s testicles and say, “We wouldn’t want to hurt each other, would we?” I lack the testicles, but now I understand the trepidation.
And last but not least: I usually drink my morning cup of tea outside on our front porch. We still haven’t got our concrete poured, so my chair sits on a piece of plywood. And the other day when I glanced absently at it, I realized that it contained the face from Edvard Munch’s The Scream:
I’m here to tell you that it’s seriously disturbing to glance down and see that between your knees. But I guess it’s better than an irate bumblebee.
So I’m slightly unbalanced as usual, but I’m still staggering forward. How was your week?
Book 15 update: I’ve almost finished Chapter 1! And I’ve made another attempt at book cover redesign — what do you think? (See below.)