Restaurant Masochism

And now for a replay of this week’s winning conversation:

Me (eyeing our monthly budget numbers):  “Wow, I didn’t realize you were so heavily into BDSM.”

Hubby:  “What?  I don’t even know what that means.”

Me: “Bondage/domination/sadism/masochism.”

Hubby (with sagging jaw): “Wha…?  Where did that come from?”

Me:  “Your monthly budget.  You said you spend about $100 a month on restraints.”

Hubby:  “Damn autocorrect!  That should have said restaurants!

Speaking of restaurants, the other day we were sitting in a Subway and Hubby was (as usual) picking the anemic yellowish tomato slices out of his BLT.  He jabbed his finger at a prominently-displayed picture of a luscious red tomato.

“See that?” he demanded.  “That’s how tomatoes are supposed to look!  Not this… piece of… I don’t even know what this is supposed to be!”  He dropped another pale crunchy slice onto his napkin.

That’s when I realized that fast-food restaurants are absolutely unique in the business-to-consumer market.  Have you ever been served a fast-food meal that actually looks like the appetizing pictures on their menu?  I haven’t.  But it’s never occurred to me to complain about it; and I’ve never heard anybody else complain, either.

There’s no way I’d tolerate that kind of bait-and-switch in any other business.

Imagine me paging through car brochures and settling on a new Chevy Cruze. I pay my money, they hand over the keys, and I go out to the lot to find a 1982 Chevette dribbling oil and rust flakes onto the pavement, reeking of stale cigarettes and wet dog.  And somehow, I passively accept that the piece of shit they delivered is not even close to the pretty picture I bought.  I climb into that pathetic excuse for a car without a peep of protest, wave to the dealer, and chug away.

I think not.

Then again, in the car dealership I’ve got all the time in the world to argue over expectations and aesthetics.  If I delay the line in a fast-food restaurant, there’s a pretty good chance I’ll get lynched by an infuriated mob of hungry patrons.

So maybe accepting a limp, sad, greasy burger is more about self-preservation than submission and masochism.  That’s what I’d like to think, anyway.

I’ll let you decide…

Book News:  After a long simmer on the back burner, there’s finally hope for Books 2 through 14 to be released as audiobooks!  Stay tuned…

27 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life

27 responses to “Restaurant Masochism

  1. I also think the same “meal” at a fast food restaurant is different between the themselves…..you really notice this if you are on a multi day road trip and you have a particular food chain you like, so you stop at one along the road one day and the next day one along the road a few hundred miles away….same picture on the menu…totally different meals given or maybe they are the same, some might be kept over night from the prior day hoping no one will notice how wilted that yellow tomato sliver is.

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  2. Tom

    Yes, yellow tomatoes, soggy lettuce, shrivelled onions, burnt buns and dripping erm whatever the other filling is. I can picture it now, Diane. I can also see why they advertise it slightly differently 😁🍅🥪

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  3. Many used car salesmen exist on their abilities to sell something Dodgy as a Ferrari, though.
    Fourteen? Goodness, I have a lot of catching up to do when I am able to start reading books again!

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    • Yep, these books just keep coming. It’s hard to believe that I never intended to write any at all; and after the first one I figured, “Okay, it’s a trilogy and then I’m done.” Guess I lied…

      And you’re right about used car salesmen — I’ve dealt with a (very) few good ones, but the rest are irritatingly predictable (and not in a good way). 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Diann Merritt Morales

        Regarding your reply to colonialist, I would like to express my gratitude that you believed your own lies that it would just be a trilogy. Otherwise, you might not ever have written the second book and then where would we be? Certainly not as entertained. 😉🙃🤣. There would be no Team John, Team Arnie or Team Tom. Oh my! So, yeah! Please keep writing! And thanks for continuing to do these blog posts. They kind of keep me going until the next book arrives. 😜. I’m still firmly in the camp of Team Arnie.

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        • That’s awesome! With your encouragement, I’ll continue to believe wholeheartedly in my own lies. If nothing else, it oughta make my life, um… interesting. 😉

          And it means a lot to me to hear that you’re enjoying the blog posts — I enjoy doing them, so I’m glad you get a kick out of reading them!

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  4. As the Sadist said to the Masochist, “No!”.

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  5. Your husband has got a point! I do think that life gets too exhausting if we were to complain about – or attempt to set straight – everything that is not as promised. Better to consume as little as possible and avoid fast food restaurants all together. Our bodies (and minds) would appreciate it!

    That being said, in all our road travels, we have found Subway to be the healthiest cheapest chain to grab a quick lunch. We used to get the foot-long vegetable sub and split it. 🙂

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    • Yes, we like Subway for a quick and reasonably healthy meal. Not cheap anymore, though — even though I only eat a 6″ sub, it still costs around $20 for our meal. If we’re on the road and need to grab a quick meal, it doesn’t take long for Hubby to hit his $100/month budget. We eat at home as much as possible – the food is better and cheaper!

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  6. jenny_o

    Your husband is clearly a tomato connoisseur! Once you’ve had them straight from the garden, anything from the grocery store or fast-food restaurant just doesn’t measure up. I remember eating them from my dad’s garden, warm from the sun. (Nowadays I can’t eat them at all and that solves the problem for me 🙂 )

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    • So sad that you had to give up real tomatoes! You’re right: We’ve been completely spoiled by garden tomatoes. And garden strawberries. And just about every other fruit and vegetable that it’s possible to grow ourselves. It’s disappointing sometimes in restaurants, but I wouldn’t want to go back to believing that there’s nothing better out there. Fresh garden produce is just too delicious! 🙂

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  7. Duane Beard

    Hi Diane, You made my day with your latest post!! You have acute powers of observation and a uniquely droll, but accurate, way to reflect back the existential reality of modern life in N. America. And besides that you are funny as hell! Keep smilin’,Duane.

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    • Thanks, Duane — your kind words keep me smiling! And I’m glad you got a chuckle over the absurdities of our lives. Our relationship with fast food would confuse the hell out of anybody observing our culture for the first time!

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  8. Oooo yes in the pictures of any food restaurant and what they deliver its never the same, for the picture it’s dressed and posed and made to look pretty.
    In reality it’s thrown together in a matter of minutes so it will never look the same.

    And temptress dangling the hope of more audio books yey, but I have to wait so unfair.
    I shouldn’t ask when book 14 might be in paperback.
    And we won’t mention if book 15 is any planning stage

    Have we said how much we love your books 😍😊😂😘☺️

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    • Aw, thanks – that makes my day! 😀 And hey, I have some good news: Book 14 paperback might be available by the beginning of next week! I’m working on it today. And Book 15 is clamouring to be started, but it’s had to wait while we complete our irrigation pond and finish our water system overhaul. I can hardly wait to get writing again!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m surprised they don’t put red food coloring on the tomatoes to give you they IDEA that they might have some flavor. If you even think it has taste you may just convince yourself. Something like a placebo tomato. Yum!

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    • Mmmm. Placebo tomatoes. I’d never know the difference — I load up my subs with ALL the veggies and hot peppers, so I don’t really notice the quality of the tomatoes. But when the ‘T’ part of Hubby’s BLT is sub-standard, that’s 33% of the filling. He just needs to diversify! 😉

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  10. It’s fake food. Have you thought of paying with fake money? When they complain about getting fake money just say, “When you serve real food, I’ll pay with real money.”

    Liked by 1 person

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