I remember when kiwi fruit first appeared in our local grocery stores sometime around the early 1980s. The fuzzy brown globes quickly became a fad despite the inevitable jokes about donkey balls. (No, I can’t imagine who would have started a joke like that… *crosses fingers and stares at the ceiling, whistling innocently*)
Anyway, it wasn’t long before every fruit tray at every upscale gathering boasted slices of kiwi. It was exotic and sophisticated and the thing to serve! But to be honest, I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with kiwi fruit. When it’s good, it’s great… but there are so many ways it can be not-good.
If it’s the teeniest bit unripe, it’s sour with a lingering bitter edge that leaves your mouth puckered and your teeth furry. Too ripe, and it’s tasteless mush. Riper still, and the fermentation phase is interestingly fizzy; but I can’t say I recommend it.
If it’s been long enough since my last unpleasant experience, I occasionally buy some kiwis when they’re on sale. Which is how I came to be sitting at the breakfast table, cutting into one.
Hubby glanced over and said, “That looks very… green.”
I took a bite. “It’s not too bad, actually. The last batch I had was an exercise in sour misery, but this one’s okay.”
He frowned. “Why do you even bother?”
“Well, kiwi fruit has more Vitamin C than oranges.” I swallowed another virtuous mouthful. “And it’s very high in fibre.”
Hubby watched in thoughtful silence while I finished my kiwi. Then he asked, “What kind of fibre is in that septic-safe biodegradable toilet paper you buy?”
I blinked. “Uh…?”
“Because, you know,” he went on, “You could just eat clean toilet paper to get your fibre. It couldn’t taste any worse than that kiwi.”
“Except for the nutritional value,” I reminded him.
“Okay; eat the toilet paper, drink water, and take a vitamin pill.”
There was probably a rebuttal to that, but I couldn’t think of it. He’s right: Fruit is basically just cellulose fibre, water, and vitamins. (And flavour; but we’ve already established that kiwi flavour isn’t always an asset.)
I never thought I’d see the day when eating toilet paper seemed like a reasonable option…
P.S. I just found an article that made my day! I’ve occasionally been chastised by self-appointed Typography Police for my old-fashioned use of two spaces after a period. They’re adamant that “the only correct usage is a single space after a period”, but that ain’t necessarily so: https://www.fastcompany.com/90171175/science-just-settled-one-of-type-designs-oldest-debates. So maybe I don’t have to retrain my fingers after all. Hooray! 😀