When Neurons Misfire

So, the good news is that Book 14: “Friends In Spy Places” is finished and is now available for pre-order at all retailers, hooray! (Click here for retailer links.)

The bad news is that my brain has been sucked dry, wrung out, sent through a vigorous spin-cycle, and finally pinned onto a sagging clothesline in my cranium, where’s flapping uselessly in the breeze that’s whistling through my ears.

And it’s still in better shape than Hubby’s.

Unfortunately, that’s not a joke. He slipped and fell on some ice Sunday afternoon and is now the not-so-proud owner of a concussion, some bruises and sore muscles, and a nasty scalp laceration. Fortunately his CT scan was clear and he’ll be fine, but that little adventure wasn’t kind to his brain or mine.

Spending a tense 23 hours in the emergency room would have been enough excitement for  me, but I also volunteer as the webmaster for our local Rhododendron Society.  So on top of my usual post-book-release brain drain, ER stress, and sleep deprivation, I had a gruelling 4-hour meeting yesterday afternoon.  My poor little neurons aren’t even capable of firing anymore — at this point they’re only twitching feebly.

You’d think that might cause some creative (or at least unusual) thoughts, but the only thing that occurs to me is this:

There must have been a big sale on beans around here, because I’ve never before been subjected to so much of other people’s flatulence. The last four days have been a veritable fartnado.  My nose has been assailed at a lecture, at the hospital, in a grocery store lineup, you name it. It’s been so frequent that I’m seriously beginning to wonder if I’m actually the culprit and I’ve just been too distracted to notice that I’m doing the dastardly deed.

Also, I learned a new technical term this week.  I had attended a lecture on mosses which included a field trip at the park, and someone asked our expert about the finely-textured bright green stuff growing on the trees from about 18″ on down.  When he began, “We call that the ‘DPZ’”, we all leaned in to hear his explanation. “Yes,” he went on sagely. “That’s the Dog Pee Zone, and the green stuff is algae, not moss.”

So apparently toilet humour is the best I can do for this week. Maybe next week will be better…

*strums lips and rocks back and forth, humming quietly*

36 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life

36 responses to “When Neurons Misfire

  1. Brilliantly put 😬⭐️

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  2. Jo-Ann Shaw

    Sorry to hear about your hubby, Diane. Concussions are serious things so hopefully he’ll get better soon. My mom has had a couple of falls over the last four years and she hasn’t been the same, physically. She has a frozen shoulder now which doesn’t appear to have any hope of getting better. My dad didn’t fall this winter but he did have a heart episode which is all right now but was a bit scary at the time. Fortunately, spring has been teasing us all week so I hope it holds. It was a beautiful weekend here with temps on the plus side. Happy Spring!

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    • Happy Spring to you, too! I’m sorry to hear your parents are having a tough time – it’s hard to watch your loved ones go through that. I hope things go smoothly for them for a good long while now.

      Hubby’s doing fine — he’s gotten out to do a bit of light gardening without any ill effects, so I’m riding herd on him for another couple weeks to make sure he doesn’t do too much. The doctor said three weeks of ‘light duty’, so Hubby’s chomping at the bit but behaving himself (more or less). 😉

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  3. Oh yikes so sorry to hear about your husband! Thank goodness the CT was clear but concussions are serious at any rate. I can only imagine the stress. For someone who declares there isn’t a creative thought in her brain I have to say your description would be an arguement against said fact. Here’s Hoping for ice free, sweet smelling paths ahead.

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    • Thanks, Sue! The weather has finally turned nice here: 18C today and the only remaining snow is in the deep shade, so hopefully Hubby won’t find any more ice now. The crocuses are blooming like mad and the bees are already swarming around them, so I think spring is finally here!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hope your man gets well soon with no further complications. Hope your brain recovers too. DPZ is a wonderful biologically sounding term. Love it.

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    • It was hilarious, because we’d just had the whole 2-hour lecture that was full of technical terms, with lots of discussion of the “boundary zone” where mosses thrive. So we were all primed for another erudite “zone” discussion. The laugh was great!

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  5. jenny_o

    DPZ is very funny!

    Concussions, on the other hand, are serious things and I hope your husband recovers quickly from his.

    And . . . there’s nothing quite like being confined to the ER for hours without any of the comforts of home while you keep your loved one company and worry about him/her. At least the patient gets a bed, and if they’re lucky, a meal now and then. The family member gets a chair, two square feet of floor, and vending machine snacks . . .

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  6. Wow Diane….talk about a crappy week….glad your husband is OK….the ice situation is scary when you are trudging through it around it or over it… We just spent the last week in Iowa for my Dad’s service and there was a lot of snow and ice and I almost bit the bullet a few times…

    I had to laugh out loud (scared the cats) with the Dog Pee Zone….so true…so true…so true….LOL!

    Happy to hear your book is done and will be checking it out!

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  7. Michelle

    Potty humor, canine or otherwise, is my favorite kind so it’s always appreciated. As you can imagine I tend to laugh a lot, lol! And HOLY MOLY my co-workers and I were just talking about the flatulence of late! We’re blaming it on the chili people eat when it’s chilly😂. But seriously, I’m so glad paint cans are air tight or we’d be in trouble.
    A speedy recovery for everyone’s brain cells and skulls(concussions are scary!). Heading off to preorder. Thanks for the link!

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    • Thanks for pre-ordering, Michelle — that makes my day! And I’m not sure whether to be reassured or worried to discover that the fartnado isn’t just a localized thing. What if it’s ‘climate change’?!? These systems could get bigger, hotter, smellier, and more deadly every year… *shudders*

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  8. Chris

    Did the Drs know who Phill was when they said ‘normal’? Did you maybe ask if it would correct his version of normal?

    Glad he’s ok🤕

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  9. Barbara Vernon

    get in a dark closet and hum till you feel better. also if it is you it won’t take long to find out. Have pre-ordered 14. now just waiting. I feel for both of you. Hope the achy head gets better real soon.

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  10. drae

    I’ve never heard of DPZ. That could explain sights I’ve seen in some yards with trees and dogs. Hope your fried brain recovers with just some rest. As far as “bean fuel”, I learned many years ago to put a little baking soda in my beans when cooking. It does wonders. Now you just need to post that hint to all of the offenders. Hope hubby gets along well with just some R & R. Am counting the days until the book “drops”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Drae! Hubby and I are already feeling better today, although we’ll likely both slow down a bit as the day wears on.

      And that’s a great tip about the baking soda — very cool! I’ll try it the next time I make baked beans. (And shout it from my car windows as I drive through town…) 😉

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  11. Tom

    Ooh… I’m sending energetic energies to both you and Hubby, Diane, so you can both recover swiftly.
    I think your flatulence problem – well, not yours but you know what I mean – may be part of a global epidemic. The winds can be very ‘rich’ around here at times as well. Good news on your latest book. 🙂

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  12. Wow, that’s my definition of a bad week. Except for the dog pee joke, that was funny. The good news is that even twitching neurons are a sign of life and there’s a hope they’ll recover.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s true. I’ve finally got a couple of days back to back when I don’t have any deadlines (and hopefully Hubby will refrain from any more exciting acrobatics), so I’m deciding whether a beer bath would make my neurons happier. It could go either way. But at least the DPZ made me laugh, too!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. It is late winter here and food supplies are dwindling. People are eating more roadkill which tends to be very aromatic after processing in the digestive season. To satisfy your curiosity, next time there is a certain odor in the air just ask if people have been eating Bambi Bearnaise or some other “exotic” foods. I eagerly await the results of your research!

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  14. Wishing you hubby get well thoughts, and I hope your brain recovers soon too.
    I’m currently in Leeds as I fly out to Paris from here in the morning. I’m exhausted from travelling and all I did was sit on a train for 90 mind, but then that time of the month makes me tired and cranky heven help Paris tomorrow if someone pees me off

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