Ass-Biting And Embarrassment

I’d like to point out that the title refers to only the metaphorical biting of asses, not the literal sinking of teeth into tushes.

I’d like to point that out; but the embarrassing truth is that bum-biting was a ‘thing’ when I went to university.  For some reason, both the biters and the bitees found the whole exercise hilarious.

It was actually harder than you might think. (It was also more difficult.)  Back in the old days, the average university-student butt cheeks were young and firm; and tight jeans were in style then.  It was tough to sink your teeth into the subject without said teeth slipping off and snapping together hard enough to rattle the remnants of brain bobbing around in a beer-infused cranium.

I had forgotten about the bum-biting fad until this week, when I commented on Jono’s blog and he reminded me that gloating invariably comes around to bite you in the ass.

How right he was.

Only a few short weeks ago, I posted photos of my flowers all happily pretending it was spring.  I tried not to gloat over our warm and beautiful weather, but a tiny gloat (would that be ‘gloatlet’?) just might have slipped through.

I should have bent over and assumed the position right then and there.

Yep, my gloatlet just jumped up and bit me in the ass.  It didn’t have to jump very high, since it was standing on the 18″ of snow we’ve gotten.  And there’s more in the forecast.

Vancouver Island has basically shut down – schools and a lot of businesses have been closed since Monday, and we’ve hunkered down to wait it out since snowplows are few and far between here.  The temperature is hovering around freezing and our power has stayed on (miracle of miracles) so the snow is really only an inconvenience; but it’s also a bit embarrassing after my overly-optimistic ‘It’s Spring!’ post.

But that’s okay.  It’s still not as embarrassing as admitting that I might (or might not; I’m just sayin’) have bitten one or more person(s) on the buttock(s) in the far-distant past.  That was long before cell phones with cameras, so there’s no actual evidence and I may or may not deny the whole thing.

But I can’t deny this:

That’s a full-size 4×4 slowly vanishing in the snow.

 

Flower garden? What flower garden?

The snow is beautiful and it probably won’t stay long (I hope), but that’s okay — go ahead and laugh.  I set myself up for it, after all.

Just remember the dangers of gloating, and don’t forget to cover your ass.  😉

Book 14 update:  It’s lean and mean and 11,000 words lighter after the latest round of edits!  I had to sacrifice a few good scenes, but they’re safely tucked into my files for future use.  And we have a title:  “Friends In Spy Places”.  Stay tuned for a cover reveal!

29 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life

29 responses to “Ass-Biting And Embarrassment

  1. Doing my weekly catch up, so I know I’m a little late. Your pictures look a lot like what both of our daughters sent from Seattle. Incredible. I know it’s not snow, but Los Angeles has beat a very old record for amount of rainfall since 1st of January….it has just rained and rained and rained….very Pacific Northwest feeling. Seems like the entire west coast has been getting hit with storm after storm……your snow is pretty….you have to admit!!

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  2. I think I am happy to have missed the tush tasting phase of college. Although my cranium was quite beer infused as well so I may have forgotten. Wow to that snowfall! Hoping all has melted now.
    Yay for one step closer to publication and love the title!

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    • Thanks, Sue! It’s melting fast in the sun today, but we still have a good 8″ on the ground so it’ll take a while. But that’s okay — at least it’ll keep me out of the garden and at my desk long enough to get Book 14 out the door. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. We have the -30C and the winds but not so much snow, just enough to keep the plows busy on the streets once in a while. Kids of one of my former ballplayers of 25 years ago in Victoria are sure enjoying the snow. It will melt soon enough and you’ll find the flowers all healthy under it. Soft fluffy snow is wonderful insulation

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  4. Barbara Vernon

    Seems your trees have about the same problem I do. A serious lean to one side. I like snow but in small batches.

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    • Yes, the leaning trees are the remaining damage from the big windstorm last month. We haven’t decided yet whether to take them down or just let let them lean until they fall down. We’ll probably just leave them alone – we’ve got so much other cleanup from the trees that got completely uprooted that I doubt if we’ll have any enthusiasm left over for cleaning up the leaners! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Once ass-bitten, twice shy! That sure is a fine heap of snow you’ve got there! The memories of firm tushes and tight jeans are still back in the annals (two n’s) of my mind. I’ll enjoy those memories as I go back out with a shovel for the umpteenth time this winter to remove the devil’s dandruff.

    Liked by 2 people

    • LOL! I’m glad you clarified “annals”. And “the devil’s dandruff” is perfect. Still laughing! Ruefully, since the devil is still busily shedding on us. Environment Canada promises it’ll end in a day or two; but they may only be attempting to forestall snow-rage-induced riots. Time will tell…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Gad, look at you go! Ripping through EDITS now! Most excellent! Love the name, too! Looking forward to the cover reveal as well. For, uh, you know, reasons. Just sayin’… 🙂

    Beer-induced amnesia is the perfect diagnosis. Or excuse. Or reason. Or explanation. Or train of logic. It just is. And certainly not limited to such things as posterior mastication! Hm. Brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘ass chewing,’ doesn’t it? 🙂

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  7. jenny_o

    Ha ha! I saw your comment on Jono’s blog and figured this was either a prequel or a sequel or a fuller explanation 🙂

    I’ve been watching the forecast on the west coast because that’s where our daughter and her family are now, albeit south of you in the USA. She is enjoying being there with the normally-milder temperatures, and also gets to feel extra-capable in the snow when it comes . . . as you must also feel, coming from a snowier region! Anyway, I was wondering how you were faring in the storm, and now I know 🙂

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    • I actually find it quite funny that they’re calling it a “storm”. Where I grew up in Manitoba, a “storm” would be the same amount of snow, but driven by 60 km/hr winds at -30C. This was dead calm so the snowflakes just floated peacefully straight down, and the coldest it’s gotten has been about -9C overnight, and it’s usually up to +2C during the day. Inconvenient? Yes, slightly. Storm? Nope. Not where I come from. 😉

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  8. The trouble with ass biting at an old age is that you are likely to leave your dentures in someone’s behind. Covering your ass at an old age becomes more difficult because your ass requires more coverage as you age.

    A gloatlet = a tiny gloat. We have a doglet = a tiny dog. On the other hand, there is no such thing as a fartlet.

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  9. Drae

    I was wondering how you were faring with the weather reports of another storm on the western side of the country. Didn’t realize it was looking like that I know parts of the states have been hit (it seems continuously) this year.
    And “you know who” doesn’t believe in global warming. All of the previous records seem on their way to being broken, either hottest or coldest. My jonquils have been making attempts at bringing on spring. One day they are out of the ground and buds showing only to look like they’ve been sucked back down the next. We have been fortunate this year to have missed MOST of the ice and snow (I’m not saying that too loud, Mother Nature might hear me). Right now a big patch of dandelions are a patch of yellow outside my window.
    Think positive – spring will come!

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  10. Aww bless you, snow is not good. Didn’t you say it doesn’t normally snow where you moved to? I’m sure the white wonder will melt quickly for you.

    I’m off to Paris for a mini break with one of the girls from work to cheer ourselves up after horrid years last year.
    I’m just about healed so should be back to work next week.

    Love the title, you have me trying to imagine what the cover will be like, knowing that it hints occasionally to the novel I can’t wait.

    Hope the snow goes and you don’t loose power. Oh and I don’t think I ever nibbled anyone’s rump in the past but who knows I could have erased it from the memory banks

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    • Selective amnesia can be very convenient! Which is interesting, now that I think of it; because there’s a bit of selective amnesia going on in the storyline of Book 14.

      I’m working on the cover concept this week, but the actual artwork might not be ready for a while – my photographer lives in Victoria, which is 2.5 snowy hours away. Maybe next week… 😉

      And hooray for your trip – I hope you have a wonderful time in Paris. Relax and enjoy! 🙂

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  11. Snow is just a concept I can’t get. Water falling from the sky is weird enough, but frozen water falling from the sky? Seriously? That’s ass biting for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Welcome to my world sister! It’s either snowing, blowing or bum-shattering freezing here. Until yesterday, our snowblower wasn’t working either, and I finally hopped online and did a little troubleshooting, and pulled apart the carburetor, cleaned out the emulsion tube and voila! (I will confess to requiring hubby to loosen the screw on the emulsion tube, but the rest was all me). That was unbelievable satisfying!!! It still needs a bit more tweaking as it’s not as smooth as it ought to be, but hey, it’s running now so at least we can blow the damn white stuff over the mountain of other white stuff instead of killing ourselves heaving that way.
    I was trying to recall if we did any ass-biting in my college days, and I just don’t remember that. Of course, that was a very long time ago, and an awful lot of beer was consumed…

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    • You are the carbmeister! There’s nothing like a few tons of soggy white motivation to encourage the acquisition of new skills. We don’t have a snowblower or a tractor or a blade for our truck, so every few hours Hubby’s been going out to drive his car back and forth on the lane and pack down the snow. It’s been working fine so far, but things might get ugly when it all starts to melt!

      And I’m claiming beer-induced amnesia on the bum-biting. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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