Gravy, My Nemesis

The other day we were having supper when Hubby mentioned that the recently revamped Canada Food Guide shows a plate consisting of 1/2 fruits and vegetables, 1/4 protein sources, and 1/4 whole grains.  As we chowed down on a particularly delicious pork roast with gravy, I inquired, “And what about the ‘gravy’ food group?”

“They didn’t mention that,” he said, looking up from his plate, which was neatly divided into half meat and half mashed potatoes drenched in pork-flavoured fatty goodness.

Clearly there’s been a mistake somewhere, because gravy is an essential food group.  But if it isn’t shown on the official Food Guide Plate, that must mean…

Hey, it’s a beverage!

That would work for me.  I eat a healthy diet with lots of whole grains and fruits and vegetables, but gravy is a non-negotiable part of my meals.  And so is ice cream, which is basically just sweet frozen gravy, amIright?

Mmmm, and now I’m imagining porksicles — frozen pops made of pork gravy.  (Not to be confused with cocksicles, which have been a serious risk for the male population during this latest -50C attack of the polar vortex.)

But, see, when temperatures are cold, you need extra calories and hot drinks.  Gravy offers both, in one convenient and delicious serving!

So if the Powers That Be have eliminated gravy from a ‘healthy’ diet, well, too bad.  We’re all going to die sooner or later; so if something has to kill me, it might as well be gravy.

Ah, Gravy, my sweet nemesis.  I know you’ll get me in the end, but you’re so worth it!

Book 14 update:  Hooray for beta readers — this book is getting whipped into shape!  Off to do more revisions now…

31 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life

31 responses to “Gravy, My Nemesis

  1. Inga Hinnerichsen

    M-m-m-m-m Gravy! Especially when you add some wine and mushrooms to it. Yum. Speaking of wine: what happened to the old 4 standard food groups, Salt, Sugar, Grease and Alcohol???

    Like

  2. Yay Gravy!!
    If you haven’t seen the SNL skit on clear gravy, look it up on YouTube, it’s hilarious! Now I can’t look the same way at jars of store bought gravy again. Not that I will ever (or have ever) bought that crap, but still…

    Like

  3. Drae

    Southerners will tell you there is nothing better than a plate of biscuits with sausage gravy. If you want the deluxe version add some eggs scrambled just as the sausage is finished browning before the flour and milk is added.

    I’m jealous of your beta readers.

    Like

    • LOL! I don’t know whether you should envy the beta readers – they have to read my books before they’re all polished up and ready to meet the world. Usually I get off pretty lightly for revisions but this book needed a bit more work than most, and I’ve deleted a few scenes. (But they might sneak back in again… I’m not sure yet!)

      Your biscuits and sausage gravy with scrambled eggs sound absolutely mouthwatering! If I ever get down South, I’m going to seek out that dish. YUM!

      Like

  4. Blair Backman

    Forget oatmeal or corn flakes for breakfast. My childhood was enriched by my Kansan Grandmother serving fried pork and the white milk gravy was pure nirvana-great on pancakes, corn bread and baking powder biscuits.

    Travel in the Southern US brings me back to these superfoods, nearly but not quite enough to encourage me to make a hurried trip to trumpland!

    Turkey Gravy at Xmas will have to suffice until 2020.

    Like

  5. Michelle

    Ok I’m going to risk the “boo’s” and ridicule and admit that I am NOT a gravy person. As far as I’m concerned, if what I’m eating doesn’t taste good then some meat flavored paste isn’t going to help it any. Having said that, about once a year I crave chicken fried steak and that white sausage gravy that goes with it, because sometimes you just want your heart attack today, lol! And I always regret it. My guts ridicule me for the rest of the day over my poor judgement and lack of self control. And I deserve it.
    Now ice cream is another story all together. It’s my idea of the perfect food💕. Well, that and tacos but really it’s ice cream. And I crave it more when it’s cold out. Go figure. Obviously I have issues🤣.
    Glad your beta’s are working hard for you!

    Like

    • “Meat-flavoured paste”?!? Oh, nooooooo… we must be thinking of totally different things. The gravy I’m in love with is a rich syrupy liquid made from the deep-brown drippings at the bottom of the roasting pan with nothing added but salt and pepper and a bit of flour or cornstarch so it’s not watery. It usually tastes better than the meat itself to me! I know there are lots of other versions of gravy out there, though — I’ve had some gravy made from a powdered mix and it’s not the same thing at all. And restaurant gravy is almost always disgusting. If that’s what you’re talking about, I’m right there with you. Blech! 😉

      I’ve never tried white sausage gravy — I had to go and look up a recipe. Sounds like an artery-clogger for sure!

      And ice cream? YUM! Ice cream is good no matter how cold it is outside! 🙂

      Like

  6. Chris

    As a chronic pain sufferer we are encouraged to avoid sweets. However I have come to realize that ice cream is a vital part of one’s diet especially if you set the container to rest on top of the body part that hurts while you eat it!

    Like

  7. The Blog Fodder

    If you are country, you put gravy on bread. Those new food guides are a sellout to the anti everything crowd.

    Like

  8. jenny_o

    I have been known to drink gravy. There, I said it.

    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Canada Food Guide needs some serious editing! How could there be poutine without gravy? Gravy is as essential as vitamin D for a balanced diet. Tomato sauce on pizza is just red gravy and who can say pizza isn’t a major food group? Who would dare say it in a public place?? You really need to speak to the people in Ottawa!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Gravy is actually a combined food with elements from protein, grains and veggies. As such you can have unlimited quantities. If anyone disagrees, send ’em my way and I’ll straighten them out.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. How could they ban gravy. Who can eat a Sunday dinner without gravy, or Christmas Dinner without that yummy gravy goodness.

    Sound we form a campaign or a picket line to get gravy back on our plates. I’m starting feel like I should stock pile gravy granules incase they suddenly do away with them.

    I bought book one for my friend in Spain for her birthday so now your books will be in Spain too hehe.
    I’m almost at the end of of book 5 again, I had forgotten how much I hated kasper, and how repulsive stemp was at the start.

    I’m still healing, but at least I can still do things.

    Like

    • I’m glad you’re slowly getting better – what an ordeal! I hope you’ll be fully healed soon. And thank you so much for buying Never Say Spy for your friend — hooray for the Spanish connection! 🙂

      They’ll never be able to take my gravy away… unless they put guards in my kitchen to keep me away from the roasting pan. And if that happens, well… let’s just say it won’t be pretty.

      Liked by 1 person

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