Well, it’s that time of year again. The time when we question our sanity in living where we do.
Saturday was nice and sunny with temperatures in the high teens (that’s low 70s for you Fahrenheit folks), and Hubby took the motorcycle out for one last ride. Sunday we had six inches of snow and last night the temperature was -27 with the wind chill.
We knew winter was coming. We’re not shocked. But the longer we live here, the more we start talking about other places we could live. The problem is that other than the cold and snow, we can’t think of a better place.
Well, okay; the cold and snow and the fact that there are large animals here that would like to eat us. Grizzly bears and cougars and such. They’re not really an issue in the city, but when we’re out at our garden in the country, they’re a threat.
Hubby and I considered and discarded a few options.
Tropical beaches have a special allure when our world is cold and white, but then there are the problems of jellyfish and sharks and undertows and red tide and hurricanes and tsunamis, which are probably of negligible concern to the people who actually live there, but they seem pretty scary to us.
And most places with warm tropical beaches also have giant bugs. And the giant bugs often occupy houses where we might want to live. This is an issue for at least one of us.
I grew up in a farmhouse that was infested by big black crickets all summer long, and crickets eat everything. Including your underwear in the laundry bin. I had crotchless panties at an age where I couldn’t imagine why anybody would want them. So my bug tolerance is slightly higher than Hubby’s, but I still have no desire to cohabitate with bugs. Ever. Again.
Then there’s the whole snake issue. Here in Canada even our venomous snakes are polite. We only have four kinds, and they’d all prefer to avoid humans if possible. They keep to themselves in a few small geographic areas, and even if you manage to find one and convince it to bite you, you probably won’t die.
Not like some of the warmer climes where you can take your choice between being fatally bitten or fatally squished by a mind-boggling variety of reptiles. I’ve heard Hawaii doesn’t have snakes, but then again, they’ve got volcanoes and lava flows. One way or another, something’s gonna sneak up and swallow you when you least expect it.
And if you go really far afield, there’s a whole ‘nother set of man-eating critters licking their chops. Oh, with tropical diseases thrown in as a bonus.
Having exhausted our discussion of alternate places to live, our kitchen table conversation swerved to this:
Hubby: Wouldn’t it be nice to just put all the big predators on an island somewhere so we wouldn’t have to worry about them? I wonder who’d win in a fight between a grizzly bear and a lion?
Me: Cage match! I’d put my money on the grizzly.
Hubby: How about a grizzly bear and a polar bear? Polar bears are bigger than grizzlies.
Me: Yeah, but polar bears only hunt wussy stuff like seals and humans. No claws or teeth or anything. Grizzlies are mean mo-fos. They kill other bears.
Hubby: Hm. Yeah. How about…
Yep, only three cold days and already cabin fever is setting in. It’s gonna be a long winter.
Please help us out: Where’s the ideal place to live?