Research shows that 87% of quoted statistics are made up on the spot. (Yes, I just made that up.)
I’m also guessing that a good 92% of readers believe the title of this post was borrowed from Mark Twain, but according to Wikipedia nobody really knows where it originated. (Which is good; because thanks to that Wikipedia article, I now estimate that my chances of being accused of improper citation are approximately 0.003%.)
So… it’s that time of the year again. Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, you probably suffer the fallout of the season anyway. So just for fun, I’m going to make up some Christmas statistics.
Of the people who deal with Christmas in some way, I guesstimate that:
- 23% actually like fruitcake;
- 15% will pretend to enjoy it if sweet little 90-year-old Aunt Martha offers it to them; and
- 52% consider it appropriate only for use as a doorstop.
- 56% love Christmas songs;
- 35% can take them or leave them; and
- 9% are quivering on the edge of violently gutting the next radio that plays ‘Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer’ just one… more… time…
- 12% are finished their Christmas shopping;
- 59% have ‘just a few things left to pick up’;
- 21% are freaking out;
- 16% will ignore the whole thing until December 24th; and
- 2% celebrate Christmas without gifts.
- 11% mail out actual paper cards or letters;
- 24% email greetings;
- 38% intend to send greetings but will run out of time and resolve to do it next year instead; and
- 27% don’t bother.
- 69% currently own a Christmas-themed article of clothing;
- 23% had a Christmas-themed garment at one time but got rid of it; and
- 8% have never owned any Christmas-themed garment, no matter how briefly (or boxer-ly, if that’s your preference).
- 19% actually enjoy travelling during the Christmas season;
- 66% dislike the hassle but do it anyway; and
- 15% flat-out refuse to travel anytime between mid-December and the first week of January.
- 31% will hand-make at least one gift; and
- 69% will buy all the gifts.
- 99% will eat too much this holiday season; and
- 1% won’t. (The rest of us envy your self-control.)
So how did I do? Take the poll below to prove how full of shit I am (or not)!
Here are my votes:
- I love fruitcake!
- I can take or leave Christmas songs.
- I just have a few things left to buy…
- I mail out paper cards and letters.
- I used to have a turtleneck with holly printed on the collar, but I can’t find it, so I must have gotten rid of it.
- I hate travelling over Christmas but I’ll do it anyway to see family.
- I usually hand-make at least one gift.
- I’ll pig out and feel guilty, but not guilty enough to stop.
Click on the survey to vote, and I’ll post the results next week!
Book 14 update: I’m starting Chapter 38, and I’ve finally figured out how the book will end, hooray! (Yes, I have a very strange writing process.) 😉