Last week I postulated that Mercury was causing my recent communication failures, but I’m reconsidering. I think there’s a more pervasive issue here – maybe it’s something in the air. (Hmmm, wacky tobacky? I’ve seen a few Skidmark lookalikes out here…)
Anyhow, here are some captions that made me think, “Wait, what?” this week:
An inexplicable popup ad (I think it was on Facebook):
Is there an Anti-Makeup League?
“Stop makeup?” As in “Eradicate cosmetics from the planet”? Which twice-daily activities of 50+ ladies could singlehandedly stop makeup in its tracks? And what does Dragon’s Den have to do with either of those captions?
But regardless of Facebook’s supposedly accurate demographic targeting, the ad clearly wasn’t aimed at me – it’s common knowledge that I ain’t no lady.
And then there was this:
If there are children ON the highway, shouldn’t I stop?
The big yellow sign makes perfect sense without any further explanation: Be watchful and reduce your speed because there may be schoolkids in the area. Duh.
But no; apparently somebody thought the pictogram needed clarification. They should have considered their wording a little more carefully, ‘cause now it looks as though there’s an optimum speed for running over children; like the signs they post at speed bumps where anything over 20 km/hr will rip out your car’s undercarriage. I guess children are softer, so you can hit them at a higher speed.
Another thing that always gives me a giggle is the Accuweather forecast:
Now we know who hires the English majors.
In Calgary, any forecast that includes water falling from the sky uses one of two words: “Rain”, or “Showers”. Here, the forecast is quite creative: “a touch of rain”, “spotty showers”, “a little rain”, “drizzle”, “downpours”, “periods of rain”, “patchy clouds”, etc.
Only a few weeks after we’d arrived, one forecast really made me laugh. Accuweather had predicted “Downpours amounting to 2 inches over the next 24 hours”.
I thought, “Oooh, downpours!” and waited for the sky to open in a deluge.
But nope; nada. Just the usual soft gentle rain.
By the end of the day I was snickering. On the prairies where I grew up, it ain’t a downpour until you get 2 inches of rain in half an hour. Now that’s a frog-strangler. (But Accuweather hasn’t discovered that particular description yet – shhh, don’t tell them.)
From the above forecasts, you may be getting the impression that we’ve had a wee bit of precipitation this winter.
Um, yeah. It’s a record year. Even the locals are whining and bitching about it.
But I don’t care. Yesterday I went down to the ocean and stood in the morning silence, watching the mist shroud the mountaintops and the calm water ripple against the shore. Everything was the colour of silver and pearls, and a loon’s haunting cry drifted across the water.
It was sublime – even a 180-degree panorama doesn’t do it justice. (And it’s not stinky anymore.)
And, on a more prosaic but just as important topic: Even the pizza is a work of art here.
They named it “La Principessa”.
Truly we’ve found heaven. 😀
Author Diane Henders 