It’s been a tough week and my idea bank was running low, so I consulted a ‘writing prompts’ site for some inspiration. One suggestion caught my interest: Check your site stats to find your three most popular posts, and write about the connection between them.
I checked my stats… and burst out laughing.
Excluding the pages of my official website, here are the blog posts that draw the most visitors, in order of popularity:
Gee, I wonder… what’s the connection here? Let me think for a nanosecond…
When I went back and re-read those posts, the best part (as usual) was my readers’ comments. Who knew that my blog would be the #1 Google result if you search ‘naked machete-wielding motorcyclist with fanny pack’? Searches for ‘naked beer-drinking martial artists on motorcycles’ and ‘polar bear sex club’ also return my blog at #1.
I’m famous! Or maybe ‘notorious’ would be a better word, but let’s not split hairs. All this despite the fact that I’ve never been naked on a motorcycle, and my only knowledge of polar bears comes from viewing them from a safe distance at Churchill, Manitoba.
Black bears, on the other hand, are far more familiar than I’d prefer.
You know the saying, “Art imitates life”? Well, my art imitated life; and now my life has turned around to imitate my art:
In Book 11, I wrote about a bunch of wackos who protect their secret compound in the woods by feeding bears to keep them near the stockade. That was based on the true story of some folks here in BC who did the same thing to guard a marijuana plantation.
Yesterday I discovered that I now live in a compound patrolled by my very own bear.
I’m less than thrilled.
We just had an 8’ pagewire fence installed around our yard to keep deer out of the garden. Our crew put up most of the fence, and then ran dogs through the woods to make sure no deer were inside the area before they closed everything up. They finished Monday around suppertime.
Only a couple of hours later I was walking around the house when I heard a distinctive “Uuuhhhh. Uuuhhhhhh…” and the sound of heavy footsteps crashing through the forest not far away.
I didn’t glimpse it, so I don’t know for certain that it was inside our fence, but it sure as hell sounded close.
Needless to say I’ll be cautious around here until the bear decides to leave and pulls down part of the fence to do it. After we repair the fence we’ll probably be okay, since there’s nothing inside to tempt a bear to return… except maybe a naked motorcycle-riding machete-wielding martial artist wearing a fanny pack.
But that only seems to appeal to random Google-searchers; and since it’s hard to operate a keyboard with paws and 2” claws, the bear will never even know about the internet star on the other side of that inconvenient fence.
I think we’ll both be happier that way.
Have you searched anything interesting on Google lately?
P.S. Preorders are available for Book 12: Kiss And Say Good Spy! Click here for links to online retailers