No, I’m not referring to myself in the title of this post, even though I have been known to act like a total cow on occasion and I’m more or less permanently barking mad, especially after the past couple of highly-stressful weeks.
Here’s the reason for the madness: We’re trying to buy a new home and move to Vancouver Island. We’re in negotiations now, which is both exciting and scary!
All in all, I’ve had little time for laughter this week (although I accidentally typed ‘buy a new homo’ in the previous paragraph, so that was good for a snicker).
But since my laugh-levels were critically low I turned to my joke file for the favourites that are guaranteed to make me laugh, and here’s what generated the title for today’s post:
Remember when Mad Cow Disease (bovine spongiform encephalopathy) hit the Canadian news around 2003? I’ve had this video for over 13 years and I still can’t get past the 20-second mark without laughing uncontrollably:
And here’s another giggle: When I searched for the BSE link above, I had typed as far as ‘bovine s’ when the suggestion pane appeared:
Say WHAAAAT?!? I didn’t even know bovine sex clubs were a ‘thing’, let alone a big enough ‘thing’ to come up second on Google’s suggested searches. I was tempted to follow the link out of sheer prurient curiosity, but I decided against it. There are some things that just can’t be un-seen, and I suspect that link leads to many of them.
Coincidentally (or perhaps not), I seem to have quite a bit of bovine-sex-related humour in my joke file. Some of these jokes are so old they’re probably new again, but you know what they say: “It’s dejà moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.”
The first one’s just a short pun:
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” says Dolly.
And Daisy exclaims, “It’s true, no bull!”
And here’s a longer joke:
Amy, a city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning on his way out, the rancher says to Amy, “The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove in a nail above the cow’s stall so you can show him which cow it is.”
The rancher leaves for the fields. When the artificial insemination man arrives, Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one.”
Impressed that such an obviously citified girl would know about cattle, the man asks, “How did you know this is the cow to be bred?”
“That’s simple — by the nail over its stall,” Amy explains.
Then the man asks, “What’s the nail for?”
And she says, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”
And, in a similar vein, here’s why cows hate winter.
But enough about screwing cows. Instead, here’s a little video about wooing cows… with jazz. It always makes me smile!
What’s mooooved you to laughter this week?
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