So, the other night I was gambling in Vegas with James Spader and a couple of Klingon women in 70s-style fun-fur maxi coats.
Then things got weird.
As I noted in I Dream Of Dillweed, I usually don’t remember my dreams unless I’m sick. Well, physically sick. Let’s not get into the delicate issue of mental health.
But the other night I had this vivid dream, and James Spader was in it. I have no idea why; I haven’t watched TV for years, and the last thing I saw him in was Boston Legal. Also, though he’s a fine actor, if I was going to dream of an actor there are lots of others I’d prefer to meet in my dreams, ifyaknowwhatImean.
The Klingon women made sense… I guess. I’ve been a Star Trek fan pretty much all my life, but Klingon women aren’t really my type. Though they could have been Klingon men in drag. It’s hard to tell with Klingons. Either way, they weren’t doing it for me.
Also, I was winning in Vegas, which is weird in itself. I was playing video poker (my game of choice, so that was normal). But the machine was spitting out real coins, which doesn’t happen anymore. And I was chortling and stuffing the coins into the capacious pockets of the white painter’s coveralls I wore.
That was all fine until I got the Superhero Distress Call. I thought my blogging buddy Tom was the only one who has an inner superhero, but apparently I do, too. Sadly, she seems a little on the incompetent side.
In the first place, I got my cape on backward. Which actually turned out to be a good thing because I’d forgotten to put on the rest of my superhero suit, so I was running down the sidewalk holding the cape closed over my bare ass.
But that started to make sense when I arrived at Superhero Central a few moments later, and it turned out I had the clumsiest superhero suit ever invented.
All the other superheroes were suited up and leaping into flight, and I was still struggling to pull my suit out of the storage locker. It was stuck underneath its belt, which consisted of a bunch of heavy diving weights strung together on aircraft cable.
I was still trying to yank it free when the Bad Guy launched himself into the air from a black spiderweb trampoline. (The Bad Guy was dressed like Robin from the old Batman comics, except he wore black gloves. That actually makes a bit of sense, because I’ve always thought Robin was disturbing anyway.)
Fortunately, one of the other superheroes realized I was in trouble and came back to rescue me. And he was a handsome superhero, too, which was nice. In fact, he looked remarkably the way I picture John Kane, one of the characters in my books – no surprise, since I’ve been writing my fingers to the bone the last couple of weeks.
Problem was, he didn’t do anything useful; he just jammed a Cone Of Silence (anybody remember that from Get Smart?) over our heads. And then I woke up.
Earlier that evening at the pub I had eaten what they called a “California Salad”: Mixed greens with Brie, spiced roasted pecans, sliced apples… and laced with much-too-sweet cranberry sauce. And no, I didn’t dream that, though I kinda wish I had – the cranberry sauce was gross.
But now I wonder what else was in there…