Tag Archives: faces

Just Letting The Weird Out

All my life I’ve been a weirdo-magnet:  If there are weirdos anywhere in the vicinity, they’ll unerringly seek me out and attach themselves to me.  (Sometimes literally – more on that later.)

I used to think it was something about my face.  Some label on my forehead that was invisible to me but glowed like an irresistible beacon to anyone looking at the world through weirdo-coloured glasses.

But this week while I was contemplating a pattern of knotholes in our fence that looks exactly like an evil face, I suddenly realized that I see faces everywhere.  Sometimes when I’m sitting on the john I glimpse faces in the blotchy pattern of our bathroom floor tiles.  I see faces on carsI see faces on potatoes.  This may be a little, erm… weird.

Then, as I sniffed the fall air, it occurred to me that autumn smells as though summer’s been wearing its underwear just a bit too long.  You know; that funky aroma when something’s not quite rotten but it’s well on the way.

You already know I’m not a big fan of autumn, but that was a pretty weird thought even for me.  (I’m also bothered by the fact that I referred to autumn’s ‘irresistible scent’ in that earlier post… and now it smells like funky undies?  Yikes!)

So apparently I attract weirdos because I’m one myself.

I’d like to say that revelation bothers me, but it doesn’t.  Weird is far more interesting than normal.  I’m fascinated by people who harmlessly travel a few steps aside of the beaten path.  Mind you, the ones that don’t even know there is a beaten path worry me; so I guess I’m not overly weird, as weirdos go.

Unlike the guy who attached himself to me when I was riding the C-train many years ago…

I glanced up and thought, “Uh-oh.  That guy looks weird.”

Sure enough, he gravitated directly to my seat and sat down.  Then, without speaking, he gently took my hand.

I’ve got pretty good people-radar and he seemed harmless, so instead of making a scene and/or breaking his fingers I dislodged his hand and said, “No, I don’t want to hold your hand.”

He just smiled and took my hand again.  Didn’t do or say anything else; just sat there smiling off into space and holding my hand like a little kid.

So I thought, “Ah, what the hell.”

I went back to my book, and we rode downtown holding hands.  His stop came before mine, and I was relieved when he did let go of my hand at last.  But he wasn’t finished with his ritual.  Reaching over, he gave two gentle tugs on my earlobe, then grasped my hand and moved it toward his ear.  I gave two gentle tugs on his earlobe in return, and then he smiled sweetly and got off the train.  Never said a word.

Definitely odd, but all in all it was kind of heartwarming.

So at least I’m not the weirdest weirdo on the planet, but it’s probably a good thing I blog so I can let the weird out in small weekly doses instead of letting it build up until I accost total strangers on public transit.

Have you got any harmless-weirdo stories?

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New discussion over at the Virtual Backyard Book Club:  A Rose By Any Other Name…  How important are character names in fiction?  Click here to have your say!

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Riding The Blue Unicorn

For the past few days I’ve been riding the Blue Unicorn.  No, that isn’t a kinky sex act (though it sounds like it should be); nor have I been eating funny mushrooms.  I promise it’s safe to read on!

So… after an incredibly frustrating week of test-driving used cars, I decided on the Ford Escape, a common vehicle with lots of used ones available.  Great.

Or so I thought.

Nope.  There were lots of them available; but they’d all been driven into the ground even though their prices were still sky-high.  By the end of the week I was so sick of the whole used-car fiasco that I gave up and called the dealership to buy a new one.

I told the salesman the bizarre mix of features I wanted, and there was a brief silence on the line.  Then he said, “So basically, you’re looking for a unicorn.”

“Yep.”

“Let me see what I can do.”

Ten minutes later he phones me back in triumph:  “I found your unicorn!”

And sure enough, he had.  Better yet, it was blue!  That delighted me, since I had been cynically certain it would turn out to be white like all my other vehicles.

So I dubbed it The Blue Unicorn, and it’s proudly residing in our driveway.  I haven’t had it long enough to determine its personality yet, but you can usually match a vehicle’s face to its attitude.

Or maybe I’m just foolishly anthropomorphizing.  (Okay, so that’s not a ‘maybe’.)

Still, don’t these car-faces speak to you?

Ford Mustang – “Get outta my way, punk!” (It even looks like it’s clenching a cigar in its teeth!)

Ford Mustang – “Get outta my way, punk!” (It even looks like it’s clenching a cigar in its teeth!)

 

Chevy Spark EV – “Hi, hi, hi! I’m so excited to meet you!”

Chevy Spark EV – “Hi, hi, hi! I’m so excited to meet you!”

 

Chevy Sonic – “Dude! Wanna watch me stuff an entire Big Mac in my mouth?”

Chevy Sonic – “Dude! Wanna watch me stuff an entire Big Mac in my mouth?”

 

Chevy Malibu – “Hey, babe, come back to my place and I’ll show you my etchings.”

Chevy Malibu – “Hey, babe, come back to my place and I’ll show you my etchings.”

 

Mazda 5 GS – “Whee! Happy-happy-happy day!”

Mazda 5 GS – “Whee! Happy-happy-happy day!”

 

Mazda CX9 – “Okay, now you’re beginning to irritate me…”

Mazda CX9 – “Okay, now you’re beginning to irritate me…”

 

Acura NSX – *chuckles evilly*

Acura NSX – *chuckles evilly*

 

Nissan Juke – “Dimples and buck-teeth – I’m Howdy Doody!”

Nissan Juke – “Dimples and buck-teeth – I’m Howdy Doody!”

 

Audi A4 – *groans* “Why is it so bright in here? How much did I drink last night?”

Audi A4 – *groans* “Why is it so bright in here? How much did I drink last night?”

 

Bentley Mulsanne – “Goodness gracious, how inconvenient. I seem to have misplaced my spectacles.”

Bentley Mulsanne – “Goodness gracious, how inconvenient. I seem to have misplaced my spectacles.”

 

Jaguar XF – “You just got on my very… last… nerve…”

Jaguar XF – “You just got on my very… last… nerve…”

 

Jeep Renegade – “Aw, man! That totally sucks.”

Jeep Renegade – “Aw, man! That totally sucks.”

 

Jeep Patriot – “Wh… What do you mean, ‘there is no Santa Claus’?”

Jeep Patriot – “Wh… What do you mean, ‘there is no Santa Claus’?”

 

Toyota Yaris – “Luke… I… am… your… father…”

Toyota Yaris – “Luke… I… am… your… father…”

 

Mitsubishi i-MiEV – “Look, I’m the cutest manga character ever!”

Mitsubishi i-MiEV – “Look, I’m the cutest manga character ever!”

 

The Blue Unicorn’s face – Not sure yet…

The Blue Unicorn’s face – Not sure yet…

I think the Blue Unicorn looks cheerful, but there’s a definite undertone of “Don’t mess with me”.  Or maybe I’m just projecting.

What do these car-faces say to you?

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And speaking of subliminal messages… there’s a new discussion over at the Virtual Backyard Book Club:  Have you found the secret message on the Never Say Spy covers?  Click here to have your say!

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