Brain Food

I’m SOOOO close to finishing the draft of Book 13!

Each time I start a new book, I promise myself that I’ll write steadily within a realistic timeframe.  And each time, I end up writing day and night to finish in time for some self-imposed deadline.  In my quest for energy and inspiration this week, I’ve uncovered new FactsTM (see footnote below) about brain food.

Earlier civilizations believed that foods resembling a particular portion of the anatomy provided special nourishment to that anatomy.  So cauliflower, lumpy and brain-shaped, was ‘brain food’.  (This theory also explains the popularity of bananas and cucumbers; but I digress.)

Modern medicine informs us that ‘brain food’ doesn’t, in fact, resemble the brain; instead, the secret to smarts comes from complicated things like omega-3s, antioxidants, and flavonoids.

But after extensive research (a couple of hours at least) I’ve discovered that both ancient and modern beliefs are wrong.  Brain food isn’t brainish-looking.  It’s not complicated or difficult to obtain.

It’s…

*suspenseful drumroll*

Junk food!  And I have FactsTM to support my conclusion!

When I’m plotting a book, I usually pace; although I may also stand stock-still staring into space or drape myself over the furniture in odd positions.  (I bet you thought you were supposed to sit with your butt on the sofa cushions and your feet flat on the floor.  Pshaw.  The correct position is:  Belly on the cushions, arms draped over the sofa back, toes on the floor.)

Pacing is my favourite creativity stimulant; but even better is Pacing With Brain Food.

I can think better when I’m chewing; probably because jaw muscle contractions stimulate my brain.  My research supports this, because I’ve found that crunchy foods provide much more inspiration than soft foods.

I love gooey goodies like cheese and ice cream, but they offer no inspiration at all.  Likewise, chocolate (while ever-so-yummy) doesn’t help me.  In fact, the more chocolate I eat, the less I can think; until my entire mind is subsumed by four words:  MUST… HAVE… MORE… CHOCOLATE!

Tradition holds that booze is a veritable fount of inspiration; but not so.  A moderate amount of booze completely drains my brain; and too much booze fills it up again with ideas that seem brilliant at the time but when reviewed the next day make me say, “What the everloving f…?”

So once again, the FactsTM bear me out:  It’s gotta be crunchy.  You can’t chew booze.

Fruits and veggies?  Meh.  They’re better than nothing.  But…

Popcorn.  Chips.  Beer nuts.  Pretzels.  Cheezies.  OMG!!!!

My brain goes into overdrive.  I pace frenetically, gobbling handful upon handful of crunchy brain-stirring goodness.  Ideas flow, like belly fat breaching the waistband of too-tight jeans.

It’s a good system; but it’s not really sustainable unless I want to buy a whole new wardrobe to accommodate my… *ahem* expanding creative process for each subsequent book.

So in a few more days I’ll be back to my usual sensible diet; but just remember, you heard it here first:  Junk food is the ultimate brain food.  It’s a FactTM!

*

1 FactsTM is a trademark of The Fake News Generation Corp., a wholly-owned subsidiary of The Bullshit Consortium.  FactsTM is defined as “any random statement, however ridiculous, which is shouted loudly enough to be reported by the media”.

P.S. I’m travelling today, so I’ll be checking in later – ‘talk’ to you soon!

P.P.S. It’s spring on the Island!  Hooray!

 

21 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life, Writing

21 responses to “Brain Food

  1. Wasn’t it Hemmingway who was constantly pouring over his manuscripts? Write drunk. Edit sober.

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  2. I’m always eating brain food, Diane. Now… what was I saying?

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  3. You are hilarious. Love the new trademark. Laughing hysterically. Well clearly the way you turn out books it must be fact. Many congrats on book 13th. I bow to your writing ability and your knowledge on brain food. And that’s a fact!

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  4. jenny_o

    I wish, I wish, I WISH your *Facts* were facts! Gum is the only low-calorie thing I’ve found that helps with the urge to chew, and since I swallow my gum after a few minutes of chewing, that doesn’t work for long. To make matters even worse, I chew it like a cow chews her cud.

    Your description of your reclining pose is hilarious – I can see it clearly! Whatever works, though, right? Well done on your progress!

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    • Thanks! It’s actually a surprisingly comfortable pose – it stretches out all those belly muscles that get crunched up while sitting for too-long periods in a chair.

      I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only non-gum-chewer – it’s the most frustrating thing ever to chew and chew without swallowing. A few good chews until it gets stretchy and loses its first burst of flavour, and then down the hatch with it!

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  5. drae

    Well, when you mentioned “brain food” looking like a brain, cauliflower came to mind — it looks like a brain — and you stated crunchy. It is definitely crunchy when eaten raw — especially along with a good ranch dip. That’s also good with green “brain food” (another brain look alike though green) — broccoli (also eaten raw) also crunchy. Of course, once the dip is out we can’t forget the chips, etc. which will leave us thirsty and requires something to drink — you know the routine. As far as chocolate — it has been recommended that a little chocolate is good for us folks as we get older – just keep it dark. I haven’t checked to see if the percentage of darkness is relative to age.

    Love the looks of your flower garden. We had that storm come thru here in eastern NC a couple of nights ago. All the grass and pasture looked like they had been sprayed with green paint. It seemed to just turn overnight. We have a lot of flowering trees — dogwood and wisteria have been in full bloom this past week — red bud, cherry and apple also blooming away.

    Great to hear that you are in the final (close to) stages of the next book. Can’t wait.

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    • Thanks, Drae! Your surroundings sound absolutely beautiful. My peach twig (it’s too small to be considered a tree) actually has a few blossoms on it already, but it’s tucked into a sheltered south-facing corner. The cherry twigs haven’t started blooming yet, but I have high hopes.

      I actually quite like raw cauliflower and broccoli, too – my favourite is raw cauliflower dipped in nice zingy homemade Caesar salad dressing. YUM!

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  6. I never heard that about bananas, er cauliflower. I am sure that I am more creative while eating pop corn (with lots of butter) than with “healthy” foods. And I like your dictionary and definition of “facts.”

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  7. Wow! All that sweat and back-breaking labor–and fun with the excavator!–definitely paid off! V E R Y nice results! Lovely, sista.

    My experiments with brain food? Short-term results from the most recent investigation seem to indicate a noticeable correlation between carb content and *perceived* effectiveness of increasing intra-cranial power output. Further, the overall range of that *perception* can be shifted greatly–in either direction–by the vigorous application of still more carbs, albeit in liquid form. (Fireball, to be exact. In the interest of full disclosure in scientific procedural methodology, of course.) Long-term results? I think I’d better stick with ‘inclusive.’ Yeah. Inconclusive is good. 🙂

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  8. Duane Beard

    Hi Diane, I am deeply envious of your flowers! Here in Northern Michigan we have rec’d 22 inches of new snow in the last few days and its still snowing. This has given rise to a new song: “Grounds for Violence”! Check it out:The Grounds for Violence – Our latest Key of Bart

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    | | | | The Grounds for Violence – Our latest Key of Bart

    Bartley Kives captures the sullen attitude of Winnipeggers towards the neverending winter with this take on Simo… |

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    Keep smilin’,Duane.P.S. You are definitely onto something with your discovery that crunchy foods are brainfood!!

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    • Ha! That’s a hilarious video! Although I suppose it might seem funnier if you weren’t in the process of digging out of nearly two feet of snow. Hang in there, Duane – spring has to come soon!

      Here’s the video for the link you included:

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  9. If I try and feed “brain food” to my brain it usually barfs. Chocolate and junk food with a beer chaser are definitely thought stimulants. Thoughts like, “Why am I out of Alka Seltzer?”

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  10. Ha, yes, I’m sure that’s absolutely medically sound. 😄 At least you’re pacing while you’re munching!

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