Fanatics vs. Funlovers: It’s A Tie

/ Diane Henders

This past weekend was the CFL Grey Cup, which is a tradition at our house (if by ‘tradition’ you mean ‘excuse to invite the gang over and consume far too much junk food and beer’).

We’re a mixed bag of sports fans, from serious to superficial.  Our living room is small, so we seat the Fanatics up front to give them an unobstructed view while the Funlovers sit behind to heckle enjoy the game in their own way.  Needless to say, the conversations vary quite a bit between the front row and the peanut gallery.

I’m in the midrange of the fandom scale so I get to eavesdrop on both the Fanatics and the Funlovers.  It’s almost as entertaining as the game itself.

It starts before our butts even hit the seats:  Hubby records the game on his PVR, and we start watching about half an hour later so he can fast-forward through the commercials.

But that means the Fanatics are twitching with the knowledge that the game has already started and they don’t know what’s happening!  Meanwhile, the Funlovers are just glad they don’t have to sit through a bunch of commercials.

Here’s how the game usually unfolds:

TV:  “…and that’s an offside pass…”

Fanatics:  *on the edges of their seats* “What the hell were they thinking?!?”

Funlovers:  *glancing up from the chip-and-dip bowl*  “Um… off the side of what…?”

 

TV:  “…that play has been challenged and will be reviewed by the Command Centre…”

Fanatics:  “It was as plain as day!  Are those refs blind?”

Funlovers: *tipping up their beer bottles*  “Oooh, the Command Centre.  What is this, Star Trek?  This must be the fifteenth time they’ve said ‘Command Centre’… hey, that could be a drinking game!  Whenever they say ‘Command Centre’, everybody take a drink…”

 

TV:  *zooms in on a 3,000-pound dogpile of struggling manflesh*

Fanatics:  *vibrating with tension*  “OMG!  Did they get it?  Did they get it?!?”

Funlovers:  “Bahahaha!!! Did you see that guy on the left?  He did a complete somersault!  Oh, man, more of them are piling on!  Wouldn’t it suck to be the bottom guy?”

 

TV:  “…there’s the slotback…”

Funlovers:  “Is that like the band ‘Nickelback’?”

Fanatics:  “No, a slotback is like the NFL’s tight end position.”

Funlovers:  *eyeing the posterior of a player or cheerleader*  “We like tight ends…”

 

Fanatics:  “Hey, that was a horse collar!”

TV:  “That’ll be a 15-yard penalty…”

Funlovers:  “They give penalties just because the caller was hoarse?”

 

TV:  “…and there’s the Cup!  Right here, these are your 104th Grey Cup champions!”

Funlovers:  “Look at them all kissing the cup!  They’re basically swapping spit with the whole team.  And think about how many dirty hands have been on that cup before their lips touch it.  Blech!  Penicillin, anyone?”

Fanatics: *falling back in their seats, limp with happiness or despair depending on the outcome*  “Wow, what a game!”

The Gang:  “That was fun!  Let’s do it again next year!”

* * *

Anybody else watch the Grey Cup this year?

25 thoughts on “Fanatics vs. Funlovers: It’s A Tie”

  1. Pingback: Pavlov Would Be Proud | Diane Henders

  2. After much thought, I am in favor (or favour, if you prefer) of fun-loving fanatics. The CFL Grey Cup makes as much sense to the US as the Super Bowl does to Canadians (or anyone else). So I propose that US commentators cover the Grey Cup and Canadians cover the Super Bowl.

    Example of Canadian commentator covering the Super Bowl:

    “The ball is on the 30 yard line or the 27.432 meter (or metre, if you prefer) line.”

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  3. My son in law was at the game, torn between cheering for Henry Burris or Calgary because they were from the West. Toronto is a TERRIBLE place to host Grey Cup, he says. I think the Argos should be moved to London or Guelph. When Bronwyn went to her first Rider game, she took a book so she would have something interesting to do. Now she is as bad as Wade. Ain’t love grand?

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      • Exactly. Life is ‘way too short to hang with people who aren’t fun to be around. Words to live by.

        Years ago, a bunch of international students used to come to our house for parties. It was so much fun to celebrate the ‘ordinary’ things like Chinese New Year and Dragon Boat Festival that we just started making things up.

        We celebrated Pot Sticker Friday several times a year with UNBELIEVABLE homemade Asian dumplings, both boiled and fried. Gad, I miss those. International Comfort Food Saturdays, also several times a year when our kids would bring their favorite comfort foods from their countries and cultures and share.

        One Thanksgiving, we fed sixty people from seventeen countries in our fifteen hundred square foot, zero-lot-line garden home. And for the occasion, I cleaned our our garage THOROUGHLY and covered the walls of floor-to-ceiling shelves of car parts and tools with painters drop cloths so we could set up borrowed tables and chairs out there. And on the patio. And in the minuscule back yard.

        And here’s the punchline to all this. During one of our shindigs, there were so many cars parked up and down the street, it was easy to mistake one identical house in the row for another, so a group of laughing, happy international students with their arms full of dishes of exquisite exotic cuisine walked right in the front door at our next door neighbor’s place and didn’t notice the difference until they were all the way into the living room.

        Oops…!

        Mortified, they all froze solid for a moment, then started apologizing profusely and backing out of the house with as much grace as they could muster. One thing led to another, and they ended up inviting the lady to come with them to our house. And she did. She was so much at home with our kids that she was there for almost half an hour before we even noticed we had a ‘guest.’ (Our kids were family. Many of them still are. And I was out in the back yard at the grill at the time and my wife was seeing about the rest of the meal in the kitchen. Thus, our inattention to our new guest.) She stayed to the very end and even helped clean up. “I haven’t had this much fun in twenty years!” she said afterward. “You two really know how to throw a party!”

        Actually, we don’t. We just open our home to people who know how to laugh and enjoy themselves. Add a kitchen counter, breakfast bar, and largish dining table all groaning under the weight of a truly outrageous amount of delicious food, and the ‘party’ part of the deal sort of takes care of itself.

        Again, if the people you hang with aren’t fun to be around, it’s time to trade up. Just sayin’… 🙂

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  5. I’d definitely be in the back row – the very, very back row. And hoping not to get killed by someone in the front row for my comments 🙂 And thanks to Karen, I’m gonna get me an advent calendar now …

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  6. FROM A SUPER BOWL PARTY:
    FANATICS: “Oh shit. I hope we don’t lose half the team to free agency. I hope management is willing to pay to keep everybody happy.”
    FUN-LOVERS: “Free agency? Is that anything like a freebie? If so, they’d better give the players a big enough bonus to buy their wives Beemers.”

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  7. I cant say I watch sports much though I think I would enjoy sitting on the fun lovers side. an ex used to try and explain football that’s soccer to those across the pond I never got it but I never wanted too.
    only sports I do watch are golf or darts. I used to play golf on the playstation which meant I kinda got into it. and I have a dartboard though I don’t use it mind a photo of the ex really improved my game and aim.

    oh and almost happy chocolate for breakfast month ok not month but 25 days

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