A few months ago I mentioned I had run across a list of impromptu speech topics for kids. It amused me, so I hung onto it for potential inspiration. One of the topics that caught my eye was “What you would find in my closet”. Prosaic, yes? But the part that tickled my funnybone was the addendum: “Make something up”.
Let’s have a peek into my imaginary closet, shall we?
First off, don’t step into that human-sized glass cylinder with the Google Maps interface displayed on the outside. That’s my teleportation chamber, and it’ll send me anywhere on earth in the blink of an eye. (And it gets me there and back intact, too, unlike the Galaxyquest version.)
Next to that is a safe containing several million dollars in untraceable cash.
Why are you looking at me like that? Of course I’d never use my teleporter to pop into bank vaults in the dark of night! I won that money fair and square with the lottery ticket that’s framed on the wall right over the vault. Honest.
At the back is a TARDIS – not because I want to travel through time, but because it’s bigger on the inside. One can never have too much closet space.
Inside the TARDIS is a giant toolbox full of high quality tools, all clean and organized and ready for use. (And it’s got a Hubby-proof lock on it so the tools stay clean and organized and ready to use.)
There’s also a gourmet kitchen stocked with the latest tools and appliances, fresh delicious ingredients, and that all-important cooking gadget: a top-notch personal chef. And a trap/skeet and rifle range; and a fully-equipped gym.
That’s where my flight of fancy ends, but I’m harbouring quite a few oddball items in reality, too. If you can correctly guess which five items aren’t currently residing in my closet, I’ll write you into Book 12 in a cameo appearance!
- Umpteen pairs of jeans
- Bellydance scarves with jingly coins
- A bearskin rug
- A bag of cosmetics
- A stuffed deer head
- A white cowboy hat decorated with pearls and silk flowers
- A stuffed rat
- A heart monitor
- Wax crayons
- A plastic flute
- A set of knives
- 4½” candy-apple red stiletto pumps
- A backpack
- Half a dozen waist pouches
- A luggage cart
- Pink cowboy boots
- Christmas cards
- A camera tripod
- Dusty business clothes
- A Frisbee
- 4½” leopard-print satin stiletto pumps
- A sequined evening gown
- A dead plant
- A soap dispenser
- Dust bunnies
- Boxing gloves
- Scented candles
- A clothes shaver
Which five of these things are not in my closet at the time of writing? Make your guess before next Tuesday July 19th at midnight MDT! And yes, I promise I’ll explain the presence of some of the strange items next week.
What’s in your imaginary closet?
* * *
New discussion over at the Virtual Backyard Book Club: How Do You Like That Setting? Click here to have your say!