(I promise this isn’t another post about zombies, despite the title.)
So… occasionally I make Tilt Soup. It never tastes the same twice, and the recipe is as follows: ‘Tilt the fridge and whatever falls out goes into the soup’. Much to Hubby’s relief, I exercise restraint with that recipe. I’ve never actually served soup containing pickles, jam, and leftover pizza… but the potential is there.
In the same vein, there’s a mental condition called ‘word salad’, where people are capable of intelligible speech but their words come out in an incoherent jumble. As you may have guessed by now, today’s post is brain salad – a conglomeration of oddments that have been collecting in my mental filters for some time now.
For example: One night I had an extremely vivid dream in which I was running an online dating service for lonely single monkeys. I have no idea what the hell I’d eaten or drunk that would generate that level of weirdness, but the dream begs all kinds of questions such as, “How would that even work?” and “For the love of God, WHY?”
And while I’m on the topic of ‘why’, here’s something else I wonder about: Why are ‘panties’ plural, but ‘bra’ is singular?
And why did I smell gunpowder in the upscale restaurant where I ate a while ago? I mean, really, the meat was fresh, but it wasn’t that fresh.
And why does my list of blog post ideas contain a draft post titled ‘I Got Mad Skillz’ that is completely blank? Apparently I once had an idea for a blog post I thought merited that title… but I guess my ‘skillz’ deserted me before I could write it.
The miscellany in my blog file also includes a biker obituary I discovered a while ago and saved because I’d like an obituary like this (except for the ‘younger women’ part):
“Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died. He is survived by Uncle Don and Aunt Cynthia (his favorite); Uncle Dill and Aunt Dot, cousins and nephews, Baba Yaga can kiss his butt.”
I presume Baba Yaga doesn’t refer to the witch of Slavic folklore, so I’d love to know the story behind that one.
And one last thing that made me laugh this week: You know those website captcha things where you have to interpret numbers and letters that rival Rorschach ink blots in their obscurity? Well, sometimes they’re not obscure enough to defeat my juvenile sense of humour. A while ago, I got ‘pness’ and ‘pemile’ in quick succession, generating a flurry of childish snickers. I entered 8==> in the text box, but apparently that wasn’t what they were looking for…
(Hint: Rotate that group of characters 90 degrees counterclockwise. Or clockwise if the Viagra has worn off.)
So that’s it for my brain salad today. Just like Tilt Soup, if you hold your nose and gulp it down fast, it might not come back on you…