Feeling Crabby?

Six months ago one of my blogging buddies, Carrie Rubin, wrote a post about gross things she’s found in her food.  But after commenting with a list of the various disgusting things I’ve discovered on my plate, it occurred to me that perhaps I’d shared too much.

Which got me thinking about other instances of inappropriate sharing I’ve witnessed over the years.  I’m not talking about inappropriate verbal sharing; I’m talking about sharing physical objects that really, really should be one-person items.

I know little kids tend to be cavalier about swapping bacteria, but I generally prefer to think adults know better.

Not so.

I was sitting at an ice cream shop one day when I spotted a prosperous-looking middle-aged lady sitting in her prosperous-looking car with her small yappy terrier.  Okay, nothing surprising in that scene.

Until she licked her ice cream cone, held it out for the dog to lick, took a few more licks herself, shared it with the dog again… you get the picture.

Lady!  Seriously?!?  Do you know where that dog’s tongue has been?  No?

Let me tell you:

(To those with weak stomachs:  You’ll want to skip this paragraph.)  First he licked his balls.  Then he found some dead, partially-decomposed animal and nibbled that.  Then a while later, he found the shit from some other dog who’d also nibbled said partially-decomposed animal, and he ate that dog’s shit.  Now you’re licking the same ice cream cone.

‘Scuse me while I hurl.

Some time later, I was staggered all over again by an incident at my gym.

I pay extra to use the adults-only change room, since large groups of children fill me with an intense need to run screaming (and not in the “running for fitness” sense). One of the perks of the membership is being allowed to leave your swimsuit hanging to dry in the change room.  So I went for a swim and then left my swimsuit on its peg.

When I went back a couple of days later, somebody had stolen it.  I can’t imagine why, ’cause if you can afford to pay extra for the adult change room, you can probably afford a new swimsuit.

But I ask you:  Would you wear a stranger’s swimsuit?  Even if you were totally broke?

I was flabbergasted.  Then grossed out.  Then annoyed.  I would’ve loved to post the following note:

To the person who stole my swimsuit, one word: 

CRABS!

But maybe that’s why the gym doesn’t allow its members to post notices on the bulletin board.  And besides, it would have been really embarrassing if I’d gotten caught.

Anybody else got stories of inappropriate sharing?

P.S. I wrote this six months ago, and last week I decided it would be today’s post.  A few days later another blogging buddy, Murr Brewster, posted The Brazilians Killed The Lice.  What are the chances that we’d both mention a tasteful topic like crabs in the same week?  Obviously great minds think alike.

42 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life

42 responses to “Feeling Crabby?

  1. Ewwwwwww! And nope I don’t really have much to share except you know when dog owners like chew their food and then let their doggies eat it from their mouths? :/ Ewwwwww..

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  2. My oldest daughter used to walk her black lab over to the ice cream store and sit and share a cone with Dez just to gross out the passers by. We all know where the dog or cat has been and done but after a while, who cares. And if you can’t eat food from your plate because someone’s dirty fork touched it – puh-lease, Princess…
    Humans swap germs all the time. MONEY is a big one. It facilitates germ swapping in so many ways, some of them quite interesting.

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    • I guess we all have our personal gross-out thresholds. Your money comment made me laugh – I’ve attended a few establishments in which bills tended to find their way into some of the more obscure areas of the human body. I always wash my hands after handling money… 😉

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  3. Mary Anne

    At a Marriott in Dallas I walked into my room during the day to find the maid using my lovely Estee Lauder blush brush. I was so startled I couldn’t even say anything, I turned around and walked out and went down to the front desk to throw a royal hissy fit. I got a fruit basket. 😦

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    • Eeeeeuw! A fruit basket was not even close to the compensation you deserved for being saddled for the rest of your life with the uncomfortable speculation about whether hotel staff is using your personal items while you’re out. Or worse, which of your personal items they’re using… *shudders*

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  4. Jason

    I know at least one couple that owns one toothbrush… Man that bugs me. I wont even eat an apple or cookie my kids have been eating. But im ok with someone using their fork on my plate.

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    • Depends on whose fork for me. If it’s somebody I know well, it’s okay, but I’d be grossed out if it was an acquaintance. And the toothbrush thing? I have to ask “why?” It’s not like toothbrushes are expensive…

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  5. Ooh – gross! I always wonder about those people who buy used underwear from the thrift store, so it was probably one of those who took your swimsuit.

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  6. I would NEVER let Wonderbutt lick my ice cream. Not because he licks his own balls – because he can’t even reach them. It’s because he would gulp the whole thing down in one bite and probably take half my hand while he’s at it.
    I would say that I hope you get your suit back, but I guess you probably don’t really want that to happen.

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  7. I’d skinny dip before wearing someone else’s suit. Blecch. However, I will confess to eating my ice cream even after one of my cats has sampled it.

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    • The consensus seems to be that cats are different. I used to let my guys lick the bowl when I was done, but I drew the line at sharing. Though that probably has more to do with the fact that I don’t share food nicely… with anybody. 😉

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  8. elise hokman

    Once the CEO of a company that I worked for..took a bunch of us out to lunch. We were all eating and enjoying ourselves when he reached across with his used fork and took a hunk of my food to see how it tasted. (No he did not ask) I could not touch my plate afterwards.

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  9. Hi Diane

    Brrrr. Uggghhh. Shivers and shakes. I had to gloss over the last part. Blaaaah. Other than that, a very informative posts.

    Brrrrrrr.

    Cheers!

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  10. Crabs AND ice cream. It’s true that great minds think alike, but it’s starting to look like even OUR minds think alike. And I do think sharing a cone with your dog is disgusting, but I shared ice cream with my cat all the time. When we finally had to take her in for her final vet trip, I bought an ice cream cone to share with her first. Oh great, now I’m all weepy.

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  11. At least we bought our dogs their own cones!

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  12. Diane, was it the swimsuit that you mentioned in the other post, quite recently… the one that replaced the very worn one that you hadn’t realised was so worn until you saw it in bright lights? Maybe the person who took it had one that was even more worn… you never know.
    But still… what are some people like?

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    • LOL – good point! It was an industrial-strength polyester suit specially designed to be resistant to chlorine-related deterioration, so I think you’ve probably hit on the true story: Somebody realized their suit had disintegrated and their choice was to steal mine or publicly expose themselves.

      Thanks for making me feel better about the whole thing. Now I completely understand, and I offer them my (belated) blessing.

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  13. Snort! Okay, I should know better than to take a sip of anything before I read your blog. May I just say “eeew”?

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  14. Are you aware of how hard it is to stifle your laughter in a small, shared office while reading a blog about ass-licking dogs and a thief with crabs???

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  15. Pet owners – I was one – often suspend disbelief about their pets. Somehow their pet doesn’t lick its privates or sniff out some other pet’s urine on a telephone pole and always cleans it paws when entering the car or house.

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    • I’m sure you’re right; and after all, knowing what vile bacteria lurks in human mouths, it’s technically not that much more disgusting than if she’d shared the ice cream with another person. But somehow even after 20 years of pet ownership, I never quite managed to believe my cats’ tongues were clean enough to share my ice cream. Call me crazy…

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  16. Ewwwww, I had to skip that paragraph of where the dog’s tongue might have been. I guess my stomach does better after breakfast! If I ever witnessed inappropriate sharing, I must have blocked it 😉

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  17. I must thank you for this post, because summer is coming, and in the summer, I can’t seem to stay away from ice cream. But now, if I get the urge for some fat cream, I’ll think of that lady and her dog. And just to make sure I don’t indulge anyway, I’ll think of crabs. That oughta do it.

    Have fun buying a new swimsuit! (And thanks for the mention. I appreciate it. 🙂 )

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  18. In Hawaii, in back of the apartment complex where I lived, there was a community clothesline. One day after drying my laundry, I returned to the line to discover every single one of my panties had been pilfered. None of my other clothes, just the panties. At least they were clean. 🙂

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