End Of The World

Well, dang.  I’m still here.  Guess I’ll have to pay those Christmas bills after all.

It’s the official day of the end of the world and so far there’s no big bang or big flush or big pffftttt or whatever.  I’m a little unclear about whether the world was supposed to end last night at the stroke of midnight or tonight at the stroke of midnight, though, so maybe there’s still time.

And anyway, the Mayans weren’t specific about what time zone they were using.  Maybe the end of the world will creep around the globe following the time zones.  Just in case, I’m going to keep an eye on my blogging buddy AquaTom over in the UK.  He’s having an End of the World blog party today, so if he goes dark, I’ll know what’s coming.

You, too, can receive this special advance warning… or just pop over and to say hi.  Tom asked his readers to spread the word, so please consider this your invitation to the End of the World Party:

Come join the End Of The World party over at AquaTom Mansion

Come join the End Of The World party over at AquaTom Mansion

Tom suggested a few writing challenges to bring to the party, namely “The fun side to a bad hair day”, “Dashing through the snow”, and/or “The passing of time”, so here goes:

Bad Hair Day…

For me, a “bad hair day” is virtually indistinguishable from a “good hair day”.  I wash it and let it dry, and it always looks more or less the same.  I’m not sure whether that’s “good” or “bad”, but I’m trying to imagine what a truly “bad hair day” would be like.

I think Medusa must’ve had some seriously bad hair days.  I’ve never tried to wash a snake, but I suspect they wouldn’t be cooperative.  They probably wouldn’t take kindly to curlers, either.  And imagine the disasters on date night.  Even if she could find a guy who was smart enough not to look her in the face and turn to stone, even a simple kiss would be an exercise in frustration:  “No, no!  Bad, bad hair!  Stop biting the nice man!  Wait, come back, honey; they didn’t mean it!”

No wonder she was cranky.

* * *

Dashing Through The Snow…

When I was a teenager, I strapped on my cross-country skis one cold, clear night and dashed out across the pristine whiteness surrounding our farm.  Skiing was easy across the smooth, flat fields.  The moon was full and so brilliant that my shadow undulated along beside me.  The squeak of snow under my skis was the only sound.  It was breathtaking.

It was also stupid.

It was minus 30 degrees Celsius, and even though I’d put on my warm down jacket, I was only wearing blue jeans on my legs.  You may have heard the expression “freezing one’s ass”.  I did.  Along with my thighs.

To this day, if the temperature dips below minus 10, I have to wear ski pants because of the damaged circulation in those areas.  Not quite the delightful experience most people envision when singing “dashing through the snow”.  But…

With The Passing Of Time…

I’ve forgiven my teenage stupidity, and I still enjoy the lovely memory of that bright, silent night.  And hey, at the end of the world, that’s what counts, right?

Happy Apocalypse!

35 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life

35 responses to “End Of The World

  1. LOL..you make me laugh! In a good way of course!

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  2. So much to the Mayans, eh? I’m going to have to go shopping for Christmas now. Actually, I don’t think they ever predicted the end of the world and someone in Hollywood decided on the date – so we ought to cut them a break!

    Have a great Christmas 🙂

    Cheers!

    Like

    • I suspect if the Mayans could see our “advanced” civilization now, they’d be laughing at our primitive superstitions. “The calendar ended… oh, no, it’s the END OF THE WORLD!”

      Good luck with your shopping, and Merry Christmas. 🙂

      Like

  3. NOw that the world didn’t end I get to see whether those anti-aging creams really work…

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  4. Hey, it had *better* end – I’ve based the horoscope on it! Mostly because I’m sure the Mayans were right. No, mostly because I’m lazy. Ah well.

    Loved your stories – I hope you didn’t lose TOO much circulation down there!

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    • Confident… lazy… ah, close enough.

      And no, fortunately I didn’t freeze anything dear to me, just a couple of patches on my butt and the fronts of my thighs. And I didn’t permanently lose any sensation in the affected areas… much to my chagrin when they started to thaw. Owie.

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      • Big Ugly Man Doll

        Owie indeed! Glad you were OK in the end, um, so to speak.
        (Hey by the way, I’m reviving the ManFAQ next year – message me with new any questions you might have wondered about, and I’ll get right on them! Remember, your anonymity is guaranteed!)

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  5. Dammit, the world didn’t end. Like you, I have a pile of bills and other assorted problems that would have just gone away so neatly. I used to respect the Mayans.

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  6. what a fun post to find through Tom’s party

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  7. I love this post! I’m so glad we met at the party 🙂 Your mince pies are lovely

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  8. I easily avoid bad hair days with the ever-sensible ponytail. Kudos to whoever invented the hair band.

    I hear you on the frozen thighs. Experienced a bit of that myself in good old North Dakota. I learned that even a half-mile walk across campus warranted long underwear beneath my jeans.

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  9. Pingback: 211-212 | Me! Me! Me me me!

  10. Oh, wow… fabulous post Diane, and thanks for taking up my writing challenges! I experience bad hair days all of the time, but have never experienced cold that cold. Minus sixteen a couple of years ago was the coldest – but that felt quite warm to me. Just don’t ask me how!
    And yes… we’re still here. I knew we would be all along! 😀

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    • It’s funny how sometimes more extreme cold feels warmer – that was what happened to me that night. Maybe it was because the air was very dry and still, it just didn’t feel that cold. Needless to say, I learned my lesson.

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  11. Hello Diane!

    Look like we all made it, eh?

    But in the interest of full disclosure, I gotta tell ya . .

    The world actually did end, just as the Mayans and numerous others prophesized. But not with a big boom. It ended with a tiny tink, and that’s probably why most people didn’t notice. After the word tinked out, it was immediately replaced by an identical world, thanks to the Flying Spaghetti Monster (Sauce Be Upon Her). We are now experiencing an identical reality. Pretty freaky, eh? RAmen!

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  12. Diane,
    I can relate to both hair that never changes and freezing in the breathtaking (literally, the cold that takes your breath?!) newly fallen snow.
    Great post!
    Happy Apocalypse and Christmas, whichever may arrive first!
    Lisa

    Like

  13. bigsheepcommunications

    So, you’re saying it’s safe to come out of my underground doomsday bunker, remove my gas mask and radiation protection gear, and go get a cup of hot coffee? Fabulous!

    Like

  14. I remember as a teenager going horseback riding for the very first time – in bone-freezing cold. The horse kept going back to the barn. That what’s called ‘horse sense.’

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