Every now and then, my mind wanders. All right, fine, my mind wanders quite a bit. But sometimes it wanders farther afield than usual, into the realm of the truly ridiculous.
I’ve already mentioned I sometimes wonder whether electronic devices are actually sentient, but here’s another thought that intrigues me: wouldn’t it be cool if you could alter reality with your mind? There are lots of experts out there who say reality is subjective, and we create our own reality through our perceptions. I like that idea.
I usually think of it around the time hail is pummelling my garden. I send psychic waves up into the sky, imagining tents of steel mesh diverting the hailstones away from my slowly liquefying tomatoes and zucchini. It never works, but it gives me something to do besides ripping my hair out.
And I can hardly wait until I figure out how to teleport. Imagine how wonderful vacations would be. You could go anywhere in the world in the blink of an eye, see whatever you want, and then pop home and sleep in your own bed. You’d never have to worry about forgetting something. You could teleport home and water the plants, put the cat out/in, grab your toothbrush, whatever. I really, really want to be able to teleport.
When I was a kid, I wondered if my teddy bears and Barbie dolls came alive at night when I was sleeping. I imagined the teddy bears getting up and walking around, doing teddy-bear things, though I wasn’t quite sure what those might be. Come to think of it, I’m still not sure what those might be. What would a teddy bear actually do if it was alive?
And I imagined the fights and explanations between Barbie, Ken, and Stacey:
“Ken! What were you doing lying on top of Stacey? How dare you?”
“Barbie, I swear, that little kid just crammed us together. I couldn’t help it!”
“Well, you sure took your time getting off her, didn’t you? And where are your pants!?!”
“Honey, you know I can’t move while the kid’s looking! And the pants weren’t my fault…”
While I’m on that topic, I always wondered about poor Ken’s lack of, er, “features”. Was it a tragic industrial accident? A vengeful Barbie? A manufacturing defect?
I also imagined that pictures of people could actually see. It made getting undressed for bed an interesting, if somewhat self-conscious process, what with all those posters of movie-star men hanging on my wall. To this day, I don’t keep a picture of my parents in my bedroom.
Come to think of it, though, that might explain a lot about all the celebrity hook-ups and divorces. When they spend all that time with their faces and bodies crammed against each other inside the pages of People magazine and the tabloids, you’ve got to expect nature to take its course at least some of the time.
What do you think?