With the stress of our move and house-building, my time has been short and my funny-levels have been critically low lately. Thank goodness for my friends, who make sure I get my daily giggle quota.
Here are a few of the goodies they’ve passed on to me:
And just in case my friends don’t send enough jokes to keep me entertained, I can always depend on the spammers to give me a chuckle. Check out the sequence of subject lines in this screenshot from my junk email folder:
It was sheer coincidence that the spam topics lined up, but it’s even more fun when oddball items come from real people. Here are the top search terms that have brought visitors to my blog in the last little while:
“Warfarin shit pants” – I couldn’t imagine how my blog ended up in the search results for this phrase, because I was pretty sure I’d never used the word “warfarin” in a blog post… but I was wrong. Sure enough, I had: https://blog.dianehenders.com/2012/08/08/heeere-mr-gopher/. Much to my own surprise, though, I’ve never actually written a post containing the phrase “shit pants”. (Until now. If you’ve found this post because you searched for “shit pants”… welcome!)
“Swinger confessions” – Yep, guilty as charged: https://blog.dianehenders.com/2014/03/05/confessions-of-a-vegas-swinger/
“Werewolf porn” – Uh-huh, you know it: https://blog.dianehenders.com/2015/07/15/werewolf-porn-star/.
“My cats ass looks like it is rotting” – No. Just no. I absolutely, definitely didn’t post anything on this topic. “Cat’s ass”, yes: https://blog.dianehenders.com/2015/05/06/its-the-cats-ass/. “Pox-riddled rat’s ass”, yes: https://blog.dianehenders.com/2016/04/27/how-to-be-a-slacker/. But “rotting cat’s ass”, no. Even I wouldn’t go there.
“My barbie doll came alive at night” – Rather surprisingly… yes, I actually did speculate about Barbie dolls coming alive at night: https://blog.dianehenders.com/2011/11/30/barbie-celebrity-affairs-and-altering-reality/.
“Great big turds” – This one’s a twofer because it mentions turds and Barbie dolls in the same post. (And seriously, how many bloggers can make that claim?) https://blog.dianehenders.com/2012/02/22/it-was-a-dark-and-stormy-night/.
“Diane farts” – Um, yeah. If you search my blog for the word ‘fart’, you’ll find 24 posts. This tag cloud for my blog shows where my brain spends most of its time:
“Plumber snaked the toilet, husband” – Okay, I really want to have written a blog post about this, because I just can’t help visualizing the plumber ‘snaking’ the husband in some X-rated love triangle. But even though I’ve written about plumbers, snakes, toilets, and husbands, I’ve never managed to cram them together in the same post. Now I have a goal…
But despite all these worthy contenders, the one I found funniest was this spam comment: “I find this website very informative and focused on topic”.
‘Informative’, maybe… if you’re looking for dirty limericks or evil sock imps. But ‘focused on topic’? Well, I’ll just let another of my search engine referrals address that: “I wet my knickers I was laughing so hard”.
Yep, you said it!