The other day, my husband came to the table with some startling news: research has shown that potato chips are the world’s most fattening food.
He assured me that this conclusion was the result of a highly reputable study, conducted with a very large number of participants, over a number of years, and their data was carefully recorded and analyzed and normalized and blah, blah, blah.
It’s official. Potato chips are the devil.
I greeted this revelation with the awe and respect that it deserved: “No shit, Sherlock. Take a highly porous substance of dubious nutritional value, slice it thinly to maximize its surface area, and immerse it in pure fat. Eat. Gain weight. Duh.”
But after reflection, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think potato chips are the true culprit in the epidemic of obesity.
Personally, I blame pizza.
Why? Well, potato chips haven’t changed much over the course of my lifetime. Except for some new flavours, they’re still pretty much what they always were.
Pizza, on the other hand, has been mutating like a malevolent virus, with the clear intention of fattening us all up. I’m not sure who’s behind this vicious plot. Maybe the pizza joints are all secretly owned by big pharmaceutical companies.
Here’s how I see it:
That’s it. Pizza is evil.
But so, so tasty…
Must eat pizza now…
Update: Yes, I drew the cartoon myself. Yay, stick people!