I was tempted to title this post “Wardrobe Malfunction”, but my compulsive desire for accuracy prevented me: I haven’t (recently, anyway) flashed any inappropriate body parts to an unsuspecting audience. But my wardrobe is definitely function-impaired.

I’ve mentioned before that I hate dressing up, and my wardrobe reflects that. Fortunately, I don’t really care; except on the rare occasions (like last week) when I’m forced into it. Then I scurry into the time capsule that is my closet, and flip through its contents hoping that at least one of my ancient outfits will roughly correspond to the current fashions. This quest would be considerably less stressful if I were actually familiar with the current fashions; but that knowledge always eludes me.

For nearly any other ‘how-to’ instructions, YouTube is my first and last destination. But for fashion? Oh hell no.

You’d think that videos titled “Fall Fashion Trends for 2023” would be a slam-dunk, but as I studied the incomprehensible mishmash of tight / baggy / long / short / wide / narrow / unadorned / blingy / classic / holyshitwhat-is-she-wearing garments, the only conclusion I could draw was that “the current style” is “any style of clothing I’ve worn anytime within the past five decades, and then some”.

But I’ve lived long enough to know that can’t be true. In fact, the “current fashion” is “any clothing that looks like any style I’ve worn in the past five decades, but in fact has been bought within the past ten minutes at an outrageously inflated price”.

So I did what I always do: Grabbed one of my old standbys, and went out and had a good time anyway.

And to my shock, all my clothing performed faultlessly, and so did I. No embarrassing exposures. No sticky disintegrating shoes. No errant vegetables swinging in my hair. No food-flinging. No awkward hair-related twitching or squirming. Good Lord, could I finally be developing some social graces, or at least a minimal level of social competence?!? (Don’t answer that. I prefer to cling to my illusions.)

Anybody else want to join my fashion rebellion?

Book 18 progress: I’m on Chapter 12 and Aydan is having one of those days. She managed to escape charges for assault and breaking and entering; but indecent exposure and public intoxication are still a possibility…