Remember how I heaved a sigh of relief when the deer finally left our yard? And remember how I speculated that Mother Nature must have finally decided I’d been punished enough?
Ha.
I’ve always suspected Ma Nature has a sadistic streak, so it was with a sense of inevitability that I discovered more damage in my garden last month. Only this time it was serious.
Every morning I trudged miserably out to catalogue the newly-denuded stumps of cherished fruit trees, veggies, rose bushes, and other ornamentals… despite the 8-foot-tall fence around our yard. Every afternoon I added more fortifications, until the yard was crisscrossed with complex mazes of fencing and netting. The deer got more and more brazen, strolling around and chowing down on the garden even in broad daylight.
Hubby and I sharpened into a precision tactical team. With a single cry of “Deer!”, we both rushed for the door: I (carrying my Gel Blaster) to open the gate; and Hubby stealthily circling around from the rear. Then I fell back and together we stalked the deer, easing it toward the gate and then opening fire with shouts and soft-gels to drive it through.
We kicked that deer out of the yard several times a day, and every evening. Each time the deer would trot across the road before slowing… and then circling right back. And it kept getting back in, throwing itself at the fence until the wire ripped from its posts and it could scramble over. The garden was decimated, and I felt besieged. What the hell was wrong with this damn deer? We’ve lived here seven years and no deer has ever attacked the fence before.
At last, all was revealed when Hubby glimpsed the deer in the woods: It wasn’t an ‘it’; it was a ‘she’. And she had a fawn. No wonder we couldn’t keep her out.
Without much hope, I purchased a deer call to simulate doe grunts. The salesman at Cabela’s openly laughed at me, and in my heart of hearts I knew he was right: There was no way I was going to be able to lure the baby outside the fence.
But the very next morning, Mother Nature (and Mother Deer) finally relented. I looked out the window and there was Mom in the yard… with two fawns gamboling after her. Absolutely adorable! And, more importantly, positioned so that we could herd them out the gate.
After all our practice, it was ridiculously easy. Mom knew the drill by then. In fact, I’m pretty sure she was counting on us to open the gate so she and her babies could leave the nursery. The operation was accomplished in only a few minutes, and they trotted calmly away into the forest. As Mom flicked her tail nonchalantly in our direction, I read the thought-bubble above her head: “Stupid humans.”
And I hardly even minded, because the fawns were SO cute. (And SO GONE!!!)
But I haven’t relaxed. In just a few short weeks, the fawns will be old enough to jump almost as high as the mother. I really hope they’ve forgotten about our yummy garden buffet…
Book 18 update: I’m beginning to wonder if this book is cursed. Every time I start to make progress, something else goes haywire. But despite demonic deer, a forced transfer to a completely new publishing distributor, some necessary updates to book covers and promos, “fire-smarting” our house and yard for the current wildfire season, AND another round of medical appointments for my cranky back… I’ve managed to complete Book 18’s plotting! Stay tuned for writing progress, hopefully soon. 🙂
Author Diane Henders 
And this is why we haven’t had a garden for years. I wouldn’t have the patience or energy to fortify it! However, that would just be a busywork garden, not for basic provisions. Animals can be surprisingly persistent and cunning when food or babies are involved. We’ve had one fawn with the zoomies in our back yard this summer. They really know how to push the “awww” buttons, don’t they?
jenny_o
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They really do! It’s a lucky thing they’re adorable. 🙂
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That would drive me crazy!!! I have a soft heart for a mother deer and her fawns, but would still find it extremely frustrating to deal with what you guys have been dealing with!! Thanks for sharing…..other than the deer issue, hope all is well with you guys!!
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Thanks, Kirt! Yep, now that we’ve evicted the deer, everything is pretty good here. I’m too busy, as always; but I’d rather be busy than bored. 🙂
I hope all is well with you and yours, too!
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What? No photos??
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LOL! Nope, I’m sorry to say that by then my reflexes were tuned to “GET THE DEER OUT OF THE YARD!”. I never even thought to grab the camera; I just grabbed my husband and my Gel Blaster and raced out the door. Missed opportunities… 🙂
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Sigh. Ma Nature is definitely malevolent from time to time – and adding cuteness to the mix is adding insult to injury. I would have loved to see the cuteness though – and hope that your garden is (temporarily) safe again.
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Thanks, EC! So far the garden has been unmolested, and I’m hoping it stays so. It was terrible to watch its new spring growth get eaten, but now that all the roses are in bloom and the veggies are almost ready for harvest, it would definitely be adding insult to injury if the eating machines came back. Fingers crossed that they stay away! The fawns were unbelievably cute, but I don’t have any desire to see them again… at least, not inside the fence. 🙂
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I so understand. Our sulphur crested vandals come out in force just as the spring bulbs start to bloom and behead and shred them. And dig the bulbs out, take a big bite, and move on. Hiss and spit.
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ARGH! It’s almost worse when they don’t eat the whole thing, isn’t it? At least if they gobbled it all down, we could comfort ourselves with the thought that they were hungry and we were helping. (Although that’s cold comfort when they’re eating the veggies I intended for my own winter consumption.)
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EXACTLY.
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Maybe you could get some kind of patrol robot that would go around to protect the perimeter of your garden. Something with infrared cameras and can control a giant water cannon or something …
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Ooh, I like the way you think! Believe me, at the height of the invasion, many impractical and improbable schemes were flying around here. (Venison was mentioned, but fortunately it didn’t come to that.) I did actually research those “critter sprinklers” that fire a high-pressure jet of water when the motion sensor is tripped; but we have a BIG yard and garden, and those things are $70 apiece. Besides, I’d probably be the one that ended up getting sprayed. 🙂
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