Eating (With A) Crow

/ Diane Henders

Last week I went through the MacDonald’s drive-through for a quick bite. Not wanting to be disturbed by passersby, I parked at the farthest corner of the lot, next to a tall hedge. With my window open to admit the sweetly scented breeze, I chowed down.

I hadn’t taken more than a couple of bites before a large crow flapped over and landed on top of the hedge. After inspecting me with bright black eyes, he flew down to perch on the curb. There he cocked his head and watched every movement of the burger to my mouth.

Recognizing a mooch, I shook my head and said, “Sorry, buddy. Bread isn’t good for birds.”

He hopped closer, still watching my burger like a hawk… or, more accurately, like a mooching crow.

I repeated, “Nope, nothing for you.”

Undeterred, he hopped closer and flirted some more.

When I finished my burger without sharing, he shot me a disgusted look and flew up to the top of the hedge again. But then I started eating my sundae.

Down he came to the curb again, turning his head coquettishly this way and that so I could admire his glossy ebony feathers. How could I possibly deny him a taste?

I chuckled and said, “Sorry, buddy. You’re a handsome guy, but I’m not giving you ice cream, either.”

As if he’d understood me, he puffed out his feathers and let out a barrage of angry caws. After he had thoroughly cussed me up one side and down the other, he departed in a snit.

Later, I was telling Hubby about my mercurial dinner companion. “I was a little worried that he might fly up into my window,” I said. “I wouldn’t want to tangle with that sharp beak.”

Hubby smirked. “Well, if he had, you could have hit him with your crowbar.”

It took me an instant, because I do actually carry a crowbar in my vehicle. But then the terrible/terrific pun exploded in my brain.

GROAN!

At least he didn’t suggest that I could have eaten my burger’s condiments with my pickle fork…

*

P.S. I just realized that you have to be a gearhead to get that last sentence. A ‘pickle fork’ is an automotive tool used to separate ball joints and tie rod ends.

P.P.S. I further just realized that if you’re not a gearhead, ‘ball joints’ and ‘tie rod ends’ are equally obscure. And now that I’ve completely over-explained it, maybe it would be better to just pretend I made a dirty joke about balls and rods. ’Nuff said.

Book 17 update: I’m on Chapter 51, and Aydan is in a desperate race against time to save someone she cares about. But is it already too late?

29 thoughts on “Eating (With A) Crow”

  1. You brought a smile to me reading this post and a laugh out loud which got a weird look from my wife who was nearby!! I actually wouldn’t have been surprised if he had flown to the window and tried to peck a bite….they are very aggressive birds!! Have a great week!! Can’t wait for the next book!!

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    • Thanks, Kirt! I can hardly wait to write “The End” on the draft, too! Hoping my back cooperates long enough to let me get there soon. 🙂

      I thought my crow might try to help himself, too. I forget how big crows are until I see them up close like that. At least he wasn’t a raven — then I’d have really been worried!

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  2. You’re hubby is funny and on the ball. Since you’re talking about jokes involving balls… 🙂 You know how you previously mentioned that you sometimes don’t read what the words actually say? Well, I thought your title was “Eating (with a) Cow”. You know… burgers made of cows and cows becoming a theme in our life for some reason.

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  3. You completely lost me with your pickle ends and ball forks, Diane, but I loved reading about the crow. If you’d have given in, and spared a morsel, you’d have made a friend for life and been able to eat in that corner forevermore, bird-free – apart from the crow, who, as a friend, would visit you every time you go there. 🙂

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    • Nope, no fries. That’s probably what he was hoping for, though — who doesn’t love MacDonald’s fries? I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the first mark he’d targeted in that parking lot. 🙂

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  6. Not a gear head here but, being of a certain age, the ball and rod part of the explanation did not escape my notice and had me laughing. So thanks for the laugh! I am not partial to crows and so I would have felt no guilt over not sharing with one. Those cute little sparrows however just have to show up and I’m throwing pieces of chicken nuggets out the window. I’m gonna have “sucker” tattooed on my forehead.
    Really really looking forward to book #17!!!

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    • Thanks, Michelle! I’m getting excited about Book 17, too — I’m sooooo close to the end! After that the edits start; but I actually enjoy editing. It’s a chance to spend time with my characters when they’re not being as stubborn as Kane was in the last chapter. He had a good point, and the changes he demanded made for a better story; but… grrr, stubborn characters who won’t do what I tell them! 🙂

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  7. You had me at the pickle fork… 🤣 Although I may have a date with the pickle fork in the next three weeks as I prep another car for the next Lemons Rally in mid July. (New ball joint, eight months old…bad already. And that’s the least of my worries–the piston rings need replacement, and the cylinders need honing, to stop the oil burning. And a new AC compressor while I have everything apart. All in three weeks.)

    I haven’t had many birds stare lustfully at any of my food choices, but have been stalked by seagulls a couple of times. There was that one time, though, I got disgusted and tossed the crumbs from some horseradish potato chips out of the bag, and the seagulls ate them without hesitation…making me wonder if they really are garbage cans with wings, and cast iron stomachs.

    Adios from sunny Charleston, SC…where it registered 102°F when we got out of the car an hour ago… 🥵

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    • Yikes, 102°?!? That’s a little too toasty for my tastes. But hey, I’ve never heard of horseradish potato chips. That sounds delicious. Probably can’t get them in Canada, though.

      Only 8 months on a ball joint is just sad. Especially when you had to go through all the work of replacing it such a short time ago. Plus engine and AC work? I hope you have lots of cold beverages to accompany those jobs. Beer makes every job more fun. (Up to a point; after which it just makes for more work. But that’s another story.) 😉

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      • I can’t link to it (because spam), but the chips were from Herr’s. They have a kettle-cooked variety with horseradish and cheddar. I’m the only one in the house that likes horseradish, and like any true connoisseur will tell you, it’s not fresh unless it gives you that “slammed in the back of the head/eyes bulging/flush-faced” feeling. Aaaah, perfection. 😁

        I’m not happy about the ball joint either, and it makes me wonder how the other parts that I replaced will hold up. Haven’t replaced it yet, but I do have everything disconnected and ready to pull the cylinder head today (as I’ll be replacing the piston rings and honing the cylinders, which are worn shiny). I’m debating replacing the valve seals. The issue here is to get rid of an oil burning issue, and may just try my “major” work first before I go after the seals (which I thought were newer since I installed the rebuilt cylinder head a couple of years ago). My last Lemons Rally car was my daily driver, #ElBorrego, but this one is dubbed #EarlBurnerCivic. I don’t know if you use Instagram at all, but we have to post our checkpoints there, and it’s easy to follow our hilarity as it happens.

        No beer while I’m working, or tequila for that matter. Although I really could use the liquid encouragement! Today it’s going to be all about hydration, as it’s going to be near 90°F…

        Happy (belated) O’Canada day! 🍁

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        • I laughed at your horseradish description! I like mild horseradish, but I’m not a fan of the hardcore sinus-slagging experience. Maybe the chips aren’t for me after all… which is okay, because we can’t get them here anyway.

          Stay cool, stay hydrated, and happy Fourth of July! 🙂

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  9. You have a pickle fork in your car? Excellent! A cop once told me that it’s okay to carry a baseball bat in the front seat… but if you want to stay out of jail, carry a baseball and a well used catchers mitt with it. Plausible deniability. Thus, I’d recommend adding a cheap breakover with the socket that fits your ball joint nuts. Plausible deniability plus fodder for, well, some sort of comment. Win-win!🤪😜

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    • Nice! A hot-weather holiday sounds wonderful — enjoy! We’re looking forward to our first temperatures above 20C this week… finally! It’s been a long cool spring, but I’m sure we’ll be complaining about the heat soon enough. 😉

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