You know how modern science can now determine how much Neanderthal DNA we have in us? Well, I’ve got a new revelation for them: Apparently I have dinosaur and unicorn DNA.
I determined this through rigorous scientific investigation, of course: I studied my own hair follicles.
As you may have heard, some dinosaurs probably had feathers. A feather’s structure consists of a stalk with downy stuff attached to it. Well, guess what? I’m growing those. Out of my chin.
I realize this is probably far more information that you wanted to know; but it’s true: I have two follicles that each grow a short, stiff, pure-white feather. Even though I’ve yanked them out the instant they appear, over and over for the past few decades, they still haven’t given up. That dinosaur DNA is tough stuff.
On the unicorn side, one has only to look at my forehead to spot the evidence. As people age, it seems as though their eyebrows either slowly disappear or else attempt a hostile takeover. Mine are the latter type — if I didn’t break out the hedge trimmers regularly, I’d have dense shrubbery protruding several inches from my face.
But my unicorn horn isn’t an errant eyebrow hair. It’s special. It doesn’t generate the same tough wiry strands that threaten my scissor blades; nor does it try to take over my entire brow. Instead, it emits a single fine, silky-soft golden (or maybe that should be ‘gol-dern’) hair that grows and grows and grows from the centre of my forehead. It’s virtually invisible against my skin until it reaches such a ridiculous length that I can spot it curling softly out into space when I catch the correct angle in the mirror. And my unicorn-horn won’t quit, either, no matter how often I pluck it out.
So there you have it: Dinosaurs and unicorns do exist in the modern world; they’re just cleverly disguised as middle-aged women.
And if that’s not enough news for you, here’s some more: Book 16, Spy In The Sky is now available for pre-order at all retailers, hooray!
The release date is May 7, 2021 — if you want to get an email when it goes live, please click here to sign up for my New Book Notification list.
Anybody else have dinosaur or unicorn DNA?