Yes, that title does actually read ‘Snake And Mayonnaise’.  That’s what I thought I saw on a poster not long ago.

You guessed it – I’ve been misreading words as usual.

It turned out the poster was actually advertising the movie ‘Snake and Mongoo$e’, but snake & mayo sounded more appetizing.  (I was hungry at the time.)  I’ve had rattlesnake fondue and it was tasty, so I was willing to give snake & mayo a try.  I thought maybe it would be like a lobster roll.  Yum.

Or not.

Speaking of eating, I did a double-take a few weeks ago when Hubby and I were shopping for new cutlery.  I didn’t realize Lagostina made flatware called ‘Enema’.  It sounded… uncomfortable.  Fortunately, the flowing script on the box actually spelled out ‘Enigma’, but we bought a different brand just in case.

And my mind must have been in that… er… area, because a few days later, I saw a Facebook status that read ‘I just pooped in Safeway’.  (Safeway is a supermarket chain here in Canada.)  I was recoiling in disgust when I realized it really said ‘popped into Safeway’.  Whew.

Also on Facebook, I came to a screeching halt when I read the status of one of my guy friends:  ‘I can’t believe I’m following a live blog about an erection’.

I couldn’t believe it either.  In the first place, who live-blogs about their erection?  Wait, no!  Don’t answer that!  I don’t even want to know…

Anyway, it turned out the word in question was ‘election’, so that was a relief.

In advertising news, I discovered the headline ‘Volkswagen takes big swing with Golf Rodent’.  I realize car manufacturers must be struggling to find names for their new models, but ‘Rodent’ was one I never thought I’d see.

And I still haven’t.  The headline was ‘Volkswagen takes big swing with Golf R debut’.  But you know?  I’d totally buy a Volkswagen Rodent.  Perfect for scurrying through traffic and squeezing into tight spaces…

Speaking of advertising, I got all excited when I discovered an ad for  ‘Vicious Women Magazine International’.  Now that sounds like my kinda mag!

But… no, not so much.  Turned out it was ‘Virtuous Women Magazine’, a religious publication written “…to encourage young ladies to embrace their calling of becoming virtuous women and daughters polished after the similitude of a palace”.  It scared the shit out of me, but I’m sure lots of young ladies (or more likely their parents) find value in it.  Different strokes…

Then I thought I’d found an ideal reader for Vicious Women Magazine, if there was such a publication.  The young woman in question was wearing a T-shirt that proclaimed, “Kiss me, I’m a monster”.  I was chuckling and wondering where I could buy one when I took a second look and realized the T-shirt said ‘modster’, not ‘monster’.

I didn’t know what a modster was, so I googled it.  And even then, I wasn’t sure.  There’s a Modster site that offers fashion advice; but the Urban Dictionary says a modster is “An asshole hipster. Usually someone who ruins the vibe at a good bar.”

I have no discernible fashion sense and I like to think I’m congenial company at the bar, so I guess I won’t buy that T-shirt after all.

But I’m still willing to try snake & mayo.  And if they ever release a car named the Rodent, I’ll be first in line!

* * *

Belly-dancing update:  We learned some new moves this week.  Or rather, the instructor introduced some new moves, which is not exactly the same thing.  One of them was the ¾ shimmy:  shaking our hips in ¾ time while walking.  Ever heard of St. Vitus’s Dance?  Yeah, that’s how I looked.  I nearly dislocated my butt.

I tried a memory technique to remember the names of the new moves, and it worked really well.  “Umi” refers to a circling movement of the hips that includes a suggestive pelvic tilt.  That move became “do-me” in my mind, and I’ll never forget it now.  But I don’t think I’ll share that particular mnemonic with the rest of the class…