I’m on the road again this week, and one of my stops was my old stomping grounds in Calgary. I don’t miss the city at all, but I sure have missed my wonderful friends. We all got together for dinner, and after catching up with the last eight months of everyone’s lives the conversation turned to more general topics.
That is to say, the moral tone of the conversation plummeted like a rock pitched into a cesspool.
I was the unwitting instigator. But really; it wasn’t my fault. Much.
“So my friends were looking for a goat…” Jill began.
“Wait, what did you say?” I inquired.
“They were looking for a boat that was big enough to fit everybody into.”
“Oh! I thought you said ‘goat’!”
Laughter ensued. Then Mike, the usual shit-disturber, spoke up. “Now every time you say ‘boat’ I’m going to think ‘goat’.”
Jill went on in the misguided hope that she might be allowed to finish her story. “…so anyway, they wanted a boat and they were looking for a slip for it…”
The table erupted in bawdy speculation.
“A slip for the goat? I didn’t know you could buy lingerie for goats.”
“Well, obviously it was a seductive goat if it would let all those people into it.”
“How many people can get into a goat, anyway?”
“Depends on how, um… accommodating… the goat is.”
I can’t remember whether Jill ever actually finished her story. We were all convulsed with laughter, and the other patrons of the restaurant were eyeing us with expressions ranging from disapproval to envy. (Or maybe it was all disapproval – I was laughing too hard to be certain.) Oddly enough, the waiter seemed reluctant to return to our table after that.
We finally settled down, and Judy threw a pointed glance a Mike. “You can dress him up but you can’t take him anywhere.”
Mike and I exchanged a glance at our T-shirts and jeans, and I countered, “You can’t even dress us up.”
I thought about suggesting that maybe next time Mike could throw on a sport goat over his T-shirt, but I decided it was time to put that topic out to pasture. After all, people can only stand so many ba-a-a-ad jokes.
I parted from my friends reluctantly, with another warm and funny memory filed away. And from now on a single word, either spoken or texted, will be capable of inducing paroxysms of laughter: “Goat!”
Anybody else have a word or phrase that never fails to make your buddies guffaw?
P.S. I’m travelling again today so I’ll be checking in to respond to comments later in the day. ‘Talk’ to you then!