Bass Ackwards

The other day I was watching the sunrise in the west when it occurred to me that I do a lot of things ass backwards.

I should clarify that I wasn’t watching the sun rise in the west.  Just the sunrise.  Contrary to certain unkind (if perceptive) speculation, I do actually live on the same planet as everybody else.

It’s just that our house is oriented southwest/northeast on a bit of a slope, so the actual rising of the sun in the east is obscured by the houses behind us but we have a nice view of the mountains from our second floor to the west.

If you look west instead of east at sunrise on a clear day, you’ll see that as the sun rises (or as the world turns, if you want to be technically correct… but I’ve never been a soap opera fan), the shadow of the earth crosses the sky from east to west.  The rays of the rising sun form a pink band that chases the dark blue away, sinking lower and lower on the western horizon as the sun comes up.  When the pink band crosses the snowy mountains, they glow like fire.  It’s all over in a few short minutes, and I love to watch it.

But watching the sunrise in the west makes me backwards to the rest of the world, which is apparently my natural state.  This phenomenon has been brought to my attention a couple times in the past few weeks.

I’m right-handed.  Strongly right-handed.  Always have been.

Except I’ve always dealt cards with my left.  And I recently discovered I coil electrical cords to my left.  I didn’t realize it until Hubby and I butted heads over it.  (Well, I butted heads.  He’s the most tolerant guy on the face of the earth.)

There’s an easy way to coil cords neatly; you just add a little half-twist with each wrap.  In fact, Hubby’s the one who taught me that.  Which is why I was cursing the snarled-up disaster I discovered the last time I went to use the back yard extension cord.  I confronted him:  “What the hell is this?  You’re the one who taught me how to coil cords properly!”

And he said, “I did coil it properly, but it just twisted up in my hands.”

That’s when we discovered that I coil cords left-handed, which meant his right-handed half-twist made it into a full twist and a hell of mess.

He taught me how to tie a bowline knot long ago, too.  And I did it correctly for a while, but then I forgot and had to figure it out again on my own.  I still tie a perfectly secure bowline, but now it’s backwards.

When you think about it, “ass backwards” should mean my ass is to the back.  Which would mean I’m actually facing forward and going the right way.

I’m just going to cling to that interpretation.  I like it here in my own little world.

I’m off to watch the sunrise in the west now…