If You’re Reading This, I’m Not Dead

Some time ago, I read an article on good blogging practices.  It said you should designate a proxy blogger so someone could shut down your blog in case you died.  It even suggested you should write a post and save it so your proxy could communicate your final message to your readers.

I’m sorry to say I didn’t treat this advice with due reverence.

I like to think I’m a conscientious person.  I try to fulfill my social obligations, at least as much as someone with my limited social skills can manage.  But I just can’t see writing a “Sorry, I’m Dead” post.

What if I’m not sorry?  I mean, let’s face it, if I’m dead, I probably won’t care much about what’s happening with my blog.  As I see it, there are three possibilities for my after-death experience:

1)     Harps and heavenly bliss.  In which case I’m more likely to look down from my exalted cloud and yell, “Neener, neener, I’m all happy and surrounded by endless beer while you poor schmos are still slogging it out down there!”  I guess I could put that in a blog post, but it seems presumptuous.  What if I jinxed it and ended up in the wrong place instead?  Which leads me to option 2…

2)     Pitchforks and eternal torment. If that’s the case, I’ll be so absorbed in my own misery that my blog will be the least of my worries.  Or…

3)     Nothing.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200; I’m gone, done, finito.  Elvis has left the building, and he ain’t comin’ back.  In which case, I won’t be capable of caring about my blog.

But still.

I’m conscientious.  So now that I’ve been told this is one of my responsibilities as a blogger, I feel a niggling urge to address the “what if I die” scenario, even though I can’t imagine any earth-shattering consequences if I suddenly stop posting to my blog.

I mean, I’d like to think there are people out there hanging on my every word.  Or… actually, no.  Forget I said that.  Considering the usual content of my blog, I’d find it very disturbing if people were hanging on my every word.

So how about this:  As long as posts keep appearing here on a regular basis, you can assume I’m still alive, unless you believe in a fourth “beyond the grave” option where my spirit hangs around and writes blog posts and occasionally throws things.

Come to think of it, that could be fun.  Though it would probably inhibit my ability to enjoy beer, so maybe it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.  No wonder ghosts throw things.

Anyway, if my blog posts stop, you can assume I’m dead, bored, or incapacitated in some way, so feel free to drop insulting comments on my last blog entry.  If I’m bored, it’ll cheer me up.  If I’m incapacitated, you can be assured that my revenge, while not swift, will probably be terrible, or at least terribly entertaining.  For one of us.

And if I’m dead, I’ll probably be past caring, but it might amuse my ghost.