This Post Doesn’t Suck

/ Diane Henders

Well, I thought I was over it, but apparently my attention-deficit dyslexia is back. When I first started misreading words almost ten years ago, I figured I’d be doomed to unintentionally discover psychological vomit, lap-dancing, kiss-ass guitars, fanfarts, and killer raisins for the rest of my life.

Maybe I got used to my reading glasses, or maybe my brain finally got its shit together; but my “Wait, WHAT?” moments gradually diminished, and it’s been quite a while since I misread anything. Until last week.

I was skimming an ad for e-books when my gaze snagged on a description that began, “In this absorbing sex bot…”

Wait, WHAT?!?

Some of the sci-fi books I read are a little risqué, and this wasn’t the first time I’d encountered the concept of sex bots. So I eagerly re-read *ahem*… that is to say, I ‘disapprovingly revisited’… the titillating offending text. Much to my disappointment relief, I had mentally transposed the first two letters of the words. In fact, it was a ‘box set’, not a ‘sex bot’. Damn.

(I meant ‘whew’. Honest.)

But since my mind was already in the gutter, it decided to wallow around a bit. I began to wonder: Why don’t we have sex bots?

New technology frequently copies science fiction. After all, flip phones were basically Star Trek communicators; and it wasn’t too long ago that the X-Prize was awarded for a Star Trek medical tricorder. So why not sex bots?

But communicators and tricorders were pretty clearly conceptualized on the show, so maybe the scope of the sex-bot project is too vague. Or maybe the potential consumers of that technology are justifiably skittish after reading about encounters with repurposed appliances like vacuum cleaners, which necessitated awkward explanations in the emergency room.

I don’t know the true reason; but I’ll leave you with a joke that landed in my email this week and made me laugh uproariously. (Thanks, Ethel!)

Hope you all have a week that doesn’t suck… or does; whichever you prefer. I won’t judge…

31 thoughts on “This Post Doesn’t Suck”

  6. So decades ago I was teaching a computer repair class. This was when a computer mouse was a new thing and not the current optical devices they are today. The first mice were mechanical and relied on a ball.

    So they’d just given me a new course guide and lesson plans. Being me I hadn’t fully read the lesson before class and just stepped up to the front of class opened the study guide and started reading the lesson on repairing a mouse. The reading started something like this, “The most common problem with a mouse is a dirty ball. The procedure to clean a mouse’s ball …”

    At that point both I and the class were laughing uncontrollably and it took at least an hour to get back on track.

    And I always read the lesson ahead after that.

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    • That’s hilarious! Hubby and I were repairing computers during that time, too; and we shared many a laugh over mouse balls. In fact, Hubby was cleaning out one of his parts stockpiles last year, and what should we find but an entire box of mouse balls! Black ones, gray ones… and once more the jokes flew. Optical mice are much more reliable, but not nearly as amusing. 🙂

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  9. Trying again. The blogging bots flatly refused to post my last comment.
    I wonder whether anyone has sued Dyson for misleading advertising? And, as an aside, outsucks Dyson is a phrase in frequent use here.
    I suffer (badly) from finger dyslexia. And some words the ‘wrong’ version literally trips off my fingers…Repeatedly. Woeful proof reading plays very, very well with finger dyslexia.

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  10. I think I’ve seen a similar joke about bowling, and a ball cleaner… 😲

    Of course, nothing prepared me for when a former girlfriend of mine, nearly two decades ago, mentioned something about a Baby J*sus B*tt Plug. After a bit of disbelief, I found out it was A Thing. A Thing I really didn’t think should be found among my worldly possessions.

    I mean, sure, I’ve been told to “Stick a cork in it.” But sheesh! I have a feeling these are two entirely different things. With different meanings.

    I’ll show myself out now, before I’m escorted out…

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    • LOL! No need to worry — if we all got escorted out for stuff like that, I’d have to be the first one to leave.

      And OMG! I’m not a religious person, but even I would be afraid to be in the same room with that *ahem*… ‘Thing’. I wouldn’t want to get caught in the blast nimbus from the lightning bolt…

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      • What boggles my mind even more is that someone would even think of creating something like that! I mean, is this one of those entrepreneurial ideas that wakes a person up in the middle of the night?

        And about those sex bots…maybe you need a new nom de plume for a sci-fi series. 😁 Not a porn series, but something from another planet invades the earth and attempts to seduce all the natives…who are running and hiding wherever possible, or finding ways to defeat them. For some reason, the Donald Fagen song “Tomorrow’s Girls” comes to mind–the “girls” are almost sex bots, now that I think about it. “They’re mixing with the population. A virus wearing pumps and pearls.” Yeah. That’s the ticket.

        Showing myself out again…

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        • Ha! I hadn’t heard that song before, but Fagen gave an interesting twist to the typical ‘bug-hunt’ sci-fi.

          As to the ‘entrepreneur’… it’s true that is the kind of idea that would wake me in the middle of the night; but I’d call it a screaming nightmare, not a flash of entrepreneurial brilliance. But that’s just me.

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  11. LMAO!! I love that joke!
    I have stress dyslexia, and it does suck(and not in a good way 😉). My brain takes entire words from other lines and inserts them into the sentence I’m reading. Now sometimes it can be amusing but mostly it’s aggravating, especially at work when it’s downright embarrassing. For example, when I read this “ New technology frequently copies science fiction. After all, flip phones ..” my brain read “flip” in between “frequently”and “copies”so what I read was “New technology frequently flip copies science fiction.” Which makes all kinds of sense. Not.
    Oh well we all have our quirks. Have a great day!

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    • We must be twins of different mothers. The same has been happening to me! I’ll often pick up a word or two from the line beneath the one I’m reading. Then the worst part of it is, I’ll reread the same line about three times before I finally realize that I’m reading the same line over and over again.

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    • Hi Michelle! Your version of dyslexia sounds like a major annoyance. I’m so lucky to not have real dyslexia! I can only imagine how difficult it must be when words regularly flip and skitter around on the page. At least with my weird letter substitutions, I can usually figure out pretty quickly where I’ve gone wrong. Especially when I run across sex bots. Then I read very carefully indeed, because accuracy is important. (Says she, virtuously.) 😉

      You have a great day, too!

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