Going Buggy

/ Diane Henders

Remember the old figure of speech, ‘put a bug in your ear’?  It means ‘give you a hint’.  So, the other day I was out in the garden and a bug flew up my nose.  I’m not sure how to interpret that.

What made the whole episode disturbing (other than, hello, a bug up my nose) was the fact that the bug flew directly up my left nostril with all the precision of a shuttlecraft docking in the Starship Enterprise’s shuttle bay.  (Well, maybe a shuttlecraft with a slightly inebriated pilot, because I did feel the bug carom off the inside of my nostril as it rocketed up there.)

Even more worrisome was the fact that the bug didn’t come out.  No matter how much I sneezed and blew, no reassuring bug-body appeared.

So as far as I know it’s still up there, tunnelling slowly but steadily through my sinuses on its way to my brain, where it will lay a zillion eggs that will hatch into hungry little carnivorous worms.  I’d like to say that’s nothing more than a bizarre fantasy on my part; but I’m afraid it might be actually possible after reading about the woman who had a cockroach living in her ear (and there’s a disturbing twist on ‘a bug in your ear’).

The sad fact is that even if my brain had as many wormholes as swiss cheese, it probably wouldn’t noticeably affect my current behaviour.  I’ve been deep in writing again this week (six more chapters, woohoo!) which means I’m perfectly capable of:

  • Not noticing real-life people and events that are right in front of my nose
  • Forgetting that my fictional people and events never actually existed
  • Forgetting to eat, sleep, bathe, and keep important appointments
  • Muttering incomprehensibly and making weird facial grimaces for no apparent reason

On the upside, it’s possible that my resident brain-worms will have minds of their own, which might lend a certain off-the-wall creativity to my future ideas.

Or who knows?  Maybe they’ll just be in single-minded pursuit of their next meal.  Food normally occupies a large portion of my waking thoughts, too, so… dang. I guess I’ll never know whether I’m going buggy.  But if I start vigorously flapping my arms and searching for dark moist tunnels to inhabit, it’s probably time to call the bug-catchers.

Oh, and maybe give Hollywood a call.  It’s been a while since they remade ‘The Fly’.

Anything bugging you this week?

Book 16 update:  I’m on Chapter 17, and Blue Eddy’s has been taken over by folks wearing tinfoil hats to protect themselves against space aliens.  In Aydan’s world, there’s always something…

39 thoughts on “Going Buggy”

  2. It’s funny you mention this, Diane, as the other day a bug (or something!) flew into my ear whilst I was inserting a DVD (into the player; not my ear! 😊). I’m sure it flew out again, but I could still feel it. I never saw it before, and I’ve never seen it since, which is kind of worrying.

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  3. I love to read that you are writing……that’s the positive part of my comments. I would flipping freak out if a bug flew up my nose and never came back out one way or another. Heaven knows I have had a number of those encounters in my life, but have always snorted the little buggers out…..:) You had me laughing though……

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  4. Don’t you hate those little invaders? If you’d have played it right, you could have inhaled tightly through your nose, snatched the bug with snot on the way in, collected it all in your mouth as the snot reached that area, and spat it out. With a bit of practice, I think this is feasible. Although, every time I attract bugs (in my nose or mouth), they disappear as well. Congrats on all the writing progress. It would be so nice to be in your world, as mine is bugging me this week.

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    • Oh, I’m sorry to hear your world is buggy! I hope you can find a can of virtual Raid and get everything straightened out.

      Your procedure sounds feasible, but I doubt that I have the necessary concentration and coordination. I’d likely end up either sucking the bug deeply into my lungs or else swallowing it. The lung option doesn’t appeal, but I’m not too bothered by swallowing a bug. Hey, extra protein! 😉

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  5. Don’t smile when riding your motorcycle. You’ll get grasshoppers in your teeth.
    Did you see the article about the brain eating amoeba they found in the water in Texas. I figure that explains a great deal about Texas.
    Glad your writing is going well. And that bug is either down your throat or into your lungs. If the latter it will eventually resurface. Cilia are great that way.

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    • Ha! I still remember hearing the motorcycle line on Happy Days, decades ago. Fonzie was giving Richie pointers about riding a motorcycle, and he finished off the tutorial with, “And don’t smile…”

      I did read about the amoeba — blech! And *shudder*! Made me go downstairs and double-check our 0.5 micron water filter.

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  6. So yeah, I can almost predict the outcome of this infestation…or is it inhalation? We get the next book, and about halfway through the ninth chapter, the characters start changing. Kane’s now terrified of Raid and fly swatters. Hellhound suddenly has 100 legs. Aydan thinks she’s OK, but everyone’s wondering why she has yellow and black hindquarters and a stinger. Stemp suddenly wants to build subterranean colonies with his “workers.” Holt’s squeamish of fish hooks, and slithers up through the dirt. Dermott? Well…he’s already la cucaracha so that isn’t too much of a stretch. Maybe turning the light on will make him disappear?

    That’s when we, the readers, realize that perhaps you didn’t dislodge the insect and it has probably now spawned several generations of offspring.

    Remember: Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an apple.

    I’ve had my own share of bugs over my gardening and cycling exploits. The three stings on my back were a surprise when I discovered there was a wasp under my t-shirt. The worst, though, was a yellowjacket that did a perfect swan dive into my milkshake. The little wee beastie didn’t even hover around me–it was more like a kamikaze pilot diving in head-first. Burrowed right into the chocolatey goodness. Maybe it was hazing week and done on a dare? (That’s how we try to explain all the dead trash pandas alongside our two-lane roads this time of year. Someone had to put them up to it.) Never did find the bug, and the kind ladies at the ice cream shop made me another.

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    • That rotten yellowjacket! Bad enough that they sneak into beer bottles when one isn’t looking, but divebombing a chocolate milkshake is just malicious. (You can always tell someone who spends a lot of time camping outdoors: They only drink beer from a bottle; and when they’re not actually drinking, they keep their thumb over the opening. Most of my friends do this unconsciously.) And three wasp stings on your back? OWIE!!!

      I’m giggling (and shuddering) at your insectoid scenario. A lot of the giggling stems from the fact that I once read a pornographic version of Alice in Wonderland where the caterpillar… um, nevermind. Anyway, let’s just say that considering Hellhound’s (*ahem*) reputation, 100 legs seems appropriate.

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      • Your beer comment reminds me of the time I played a round of golf with my dad and my uncle. We were following a golf outing, and I was picking up the empty beer cans and taking them with us. (We have returnable cans and bottles here, 10 cents apiece.) Ended up dumping out a couple, along with an angry yellowjacket or two that were inside those cans. Ever since, I’ve always double-checked my drinks outdoors, even the straws. But dang it…that poor chocolate shake…done in by a swan-diving bug. I don’t know if you have them up there, but part of our summer annoyance here is houseflies, and it’s frustrating to try to eat outdoors on a nice day if they keep buzzing around us.

        That Alice in Wonderland variation sounds…interesting. And now I’m giggling at Hellhound’s “100 legged” whatever. I was playing on the “anything with 100 legs is scary, like the ‘Hound’s face”, but didn’t realize that 100 legs might have other…ummm…uses…

        I’ll let myself out now. 😁

        I’m afraid we’ve lost our warm/sunny weather here now. Today’s one of those damp chilly sunless days that we have to live with for the next several months. Ugh. The last of the crops are coming in at the farms and orchards, so we’re enjoying it all while we can. I hope winter hasn’t hit your area yet!

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        • Summer is still hanging on by the skin of its teeth here, at least for another few days. Temps are predicted in the mid-20s (Celsius) with a bit of sun, although we’re still under a haze of smoke from the fires south of us in the States. But at the end of the week the rains start, and then we’ll be cool, damp, and rainy until spring. I’m just hoping that maybe this year we won’t get snow that stays. This area isn’t “supposed to” get cold and snow, but we’ve had it every year since we arrived, so… hmmm. I think we got sold a bill of goods. 😉

          And I LOATHE houseflies! The buzzing and swooping is intensely annoying, but what really grosses me out is the fact that I know where their filthy little feet have been. And then they walk on my food. Blech!

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  7. Funny you should mention Star Trek when speaking of “bugs in the ears”. One of those movies(Wrath of Khan?) had people getting bugs out in their ears, eeek!! I remember in grade school being deathly afraid of having bugs flying at my face or head. Anywhere from the shoulders down was fine, but around my head and I freaked. Must be a trauma in there somewhere but I was either too young to remember what it was, or it’s a past life issue coming through, lol.
    Lots bugging me this week, mostly the weather, ugh! Perfect weather for getting outside chores done….until my days off finally come around and then it rains. Mother Nature is on my $4!% list.

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    • Mother Nature can be a miserable old bag, can’t she? We had a week of cool rainy weather during which the smoke subsided, and now that it’s turned warm and we want to be outside again, the smoke is back (although not as bad, thank goodness). I’m just glad we’re only getting a corner of it up here — it must be awful for the people in California, Washington, and Oregon.

      And that’s right; I’d forgotten the earworms in Wrath of Khan! One of these days I’m going to have to have a Star Trek Movie Marathon and watch them all again. Like all good Trekkies, we have them on DVD. 🙂

      Hmm, maybe you lived Wrath of Khan in an alternate lifetimeline…

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    • (In a thick Russian accent.) “They put creatures. In our bodies. To control our minds!” Seriously, that was one of the only time a Star Trek film totally squicked me out (when the “worm” came out of Chekov’s ear). Oh wait…I was overlooking the entirety of Star Trek V. 😁

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  8. Smiling. In recognition.
    I am pretty certain that my brain is home to a lot of things – things which don’t play nicely with each other.
    It is my recalcitrant body which is bugging me this week. I ask. It ignores me. I command. It laughs at me…

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  9. Like my dear old daddy used to say, “If stop to smell the roses, sooner or later you’ll inhale a bee.”

    It wasn’t a bee was it – that could cause other problems.

    Perhaps it’s what’s been helping you write more, maybe you don’t want to evict too soon …

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  10. Maybe: try using nose drops or a decongestant spray. Hold the clear side then blow the side with the terrorist. If the thing is dead, and it probably is by now, the body will do what bodies do and it will pass later. No idea if that will work but if some kind of symptom’s start go see a doc.

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    • So far, so good — no sign of the bug-body, but my sinuses are fine. (Hence the worm theory.) 😉

      But who knows, maybe I sneezed that little sucker out of there immediately after he arrived and I just didn’t realize it. I was in the garden, after all. There were lots of bugs flying around, so I wouldn’t necessarily notice if one was rocketing away on a sneeze-trajectory.

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  11. Chill, Sista. Nothing to worry about. The rest of the colony kicked him out for violating the NO ENTRY/EXIT WHILE SHE IS AWAKE!! rule. Naturally they had to wait until you were asleep to do so. See? Nothing to worry about at all.

    Of course the perpetrator was yelling about the dire emergency that he was trying to warn the others of. But rules are rules, and no exceptions can be permitted.

    “But-but-but…,” he stammered while the security team trussed him expertly.

    “Quite, moron. You’re only making things worse for yourself,” the squad leader admonished. “Remember, you have the right to remain silent! EXERCISE that right, nitwit!” To the rest of the squad, he commanded, “Take this idiot to the holding cell in the nasal cavity and stick him to the wall. When she starts snoring, peel him out of the goo and kick him out!”

    Then, to the prisoners he snarled, “And DO NOT SQUIRM AROUND!! If you make her sneeze, we’ll ALL get blasted out her nose!! THEN WE HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN AND THAT BETTER NOT HAPPEN!!!”

    See? Relax. The offending bug is long gone.

    You know me. Always glad to help. 🤪

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  12. Work or the lack of it is bugging me, I have tried to read but people at work keep talking on teams so I’ve had to put it down again, I cleaned my office, you can actually see almost all of the carpet obv there are things on the floor so some you can’t.
    I was even bored enough to go round the ceiling with the ‘feather duster’ pity I can’t really do the rest of the house while working.

    Hope you figure out how to loose the bug

    Hope everyone is well and staying safe xx

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    • I’m sorry to hear work is bugging you. I’d feel the same in your place — you can’t pay me enough to sit around without enough work to do, but not allow me to do anything else. I hope the work situation turns around for you soon.

      But hey, at least you’re getting your housework done! I had my first Zoom meeting last night and it made me realize how much other people can actually see through that webcam. At least the bookshelf behind me was tidy and I’d remembered to put on a clean shirt and brush my hair. (Pretty sad when I have to remind myself to accomplish basic hygiene.) 😉

      Stay well, stay safe!

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