I thought I was so prepared. Usually I write blog post drafts on Monday, but I finished this one on Sunday evening. Secure in my (perceived) efficiency, I didn’t look at it again until 9 PM last night.
That’s when I recalled that I’d been drunk when I wrote it. Oops.
I think it was the novelist Peter de Vries who said, “Write drunk, edit sober”. Clearly he was a more talented drunk than I; or who knows? Maybe he was just messing with us, and he actually spent every ‘morning-after’ rewriting all the crap he’d spewed while under the influence. That’s what I was doing last night.
I’d like to say it wasn’t my fault; but… it actually was.
We’ve been saving our pennies lately, but Sunday we decided to splurge and go to the pub. I ordered a pint, and when Hubby discovered that they no longer stocked his favourite Smirnoff Ice, I bullied him into trying a different vodka cooler. When the drink arrived, he hated it; but I thought it was yummy. So we kept it and Hubby ordered a Caesar instead.
So now I had two drinks.
Have I mentioned that I haven’t been out lately? And I rarely drink at home; so it had been a while since I’d had anything alcoholic. And I’d forgotten that I’d taken an antihistamine earlier in the day.
By the time we finished our appetizer, I’d polished off my beer and was completely snockered. After the vodka cooler, my teeth were numb and I couldn’t feel my feet. I thought this was hilarious, so I rushed home and wrote a blog post about it.
Isn’t it funny how drunks think they’re funny? (Now that I’m sober, I know the correct answer is ‘no’.)
My draft was lame. The whole thing amounted to, “I’m drunk, hee-hee!” Gut-bustingly funny when you’re inebriated; but it probably should have occurred to me that if I couldn’t feel my feet, my brain might be disconnected, too.
So I’ve learned my lesson. From now on I’ll
drink MUCH more frequently so I’m in shape to handle it… um, I mean… I’ll live an exemplary life of sobriety and restraint.
Yeah. Sobriety and restraint. That’s me in a nutshell.
Wait, why is everybody laughing?
P.S. Speaking of ‘learning my lesson’: Thank you, everyone, for all your helpful comments and votes on the cover redesign! Apparently the original covers ain’t broke, so I’d better not fix them. I may enlarge the title font a bit so it’s more readable in thumbnail sizes, but that’s all… for now… until I second-guess myself again…