The other day I was reaching for a towel after my shower, and I thought, “It’s nice that there aren’t so many spiders in the house anymore.”
Spiders were an unexpected consequence of moving into a newly constructed home. While it stood vacant, the open soffits and myriad gaps in the foundation made our new house an arachnid haven. For months after we moved in, spiders were a frequent sight; so much so that Hubby began to consider some kind of scheme to extract rent payments from our many squatters.
We’re not particularly bothered by spiders, so when we found one we’d usually usher it out the door unharmed; although if it was a particularly inconvenient time or location it sometimes got squished instead.
Which brings me back to the shower. Shortly after we had moved in, I’d finished my morning shower and grabbed the towel off the towel bar. I was drying off when an odd sensation made me look down… in time to see a largish black spider crawling up my stomach, apparently making a play for my left boob.
I’m don’t shriek or spaz out over spiders. After you’ve had a spider crawling on your tongue, you tend to be a little less excitable about those sorts of things; but nevertheless I moved quite… *ahem*… briskly to rid myself of my unwanted suitor. He didn’t survive the experience.
And that very day, I developed a new habit of vigorously shaking out my towel before using it. Even though I haven’t seen a spider in the bathroom for months, I still do it. And it’ll probably be a lifelong habit since BC is home to black widow spiders and brown recluse spiders, and I have a healthy respect for both.
But not a phobia. I’m slightly ashamed to admit that I find humour in the reactions of the poor folks who do suffer from arachnophobia… like a guy I used to know.
It was a hot day and we were working outside. I went in to get a glass of water and brought one out for him, too. He accepted it with thanks, took a sip… and then flung it at me. I dodged, the glass flew across the yard and rolled down the sidewalk, and I demanded, “WHAT THE…????”
Pale-faced and wide-eyed, he stammered, “A spider. There was a spider on the bottom.”
Miraculously, the glass hadn’t broken. When I retrieved it and pointed out the harmless piece of detritus stuck to the bottom, he was sheepish but unrepentant. “It looked like a spider when I saw it through the bottom of the glass. I’d do the same again. Spiders, brrrr!”
Arachnophobes would heartily endorse his reaction, but even they would have to laugh at this story that actually made the news: A father walks through a spiderweb and the whole family freaks out at the fact that the spider is now in the house… only to discover that they’ve inadvertently captured the whole show on video.
I’m actually feeling sorry for the guy, but my sympathy might be a bit difficult to discern behind my tears of laughter…
Author Diane Henders 
Eww, spiders…! I think I’ve mentioned this before. Worked in Oklahoma years ago, huge facility, lots of employees, significant fraction of the whole town worked there. On my way to work one morning in the usual bumper-to-bumper traffic (coming and going, night shift getting off work) and one of those HUGE gray, hairy garden spiders ran off the top of the sun visor in my pickup, landed in my lap, and disappeared.
Later that morning, I was hanging with some buddies in the break room, and a neighbor mentioned casually that my psychotic episode behind the wheel that morning was the first time he’d ever seen a vehicle bounce off the curb on both sides of a crowded street without anyone having to call for an ambulance…
Just sayin’…
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OMG! I’m laughing helpessly, but I’m pretty sure I would have reacted the same way. The “huge gray, hairy garden spider” part of the account is bad enough, and the “landed in my lap” part would have caused me some serious twitches… but the “disappeared” part is the worst! WHERE DID IT GO?!?
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Not a flaming clue! But when I got home, I went over EVERY SQUARE INCH of the cab of my truck with a shop vacuum with an upholstery nozzle and found BLODDY NOTHING. After driving home completely, er, puckered up, uh, so to speak. And before I drove home, I gave the interior a pretty good going over in the parking lot with my eyeballs, too. With lots of guffawing bystanders, of course. By quitting time, EVERYBODY had heard the story.
Have I mentioned I hate spiders?
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I think you may have hinted at it. Subtly, of course. 😉
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Spiders are my Winston Smith terror. No reason. Just are. I avoid more than seek and destroy. Never found one in a towel. High humidity?
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There were so many spiders in the house at the time, it was sheer random chance that one selected my towel as a nice cozy home. I felt kinda guilty evicting him… but not guilty enough to let him live.
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I got the reference. Perfect illustration! 🙂
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Ive never been fond of spiders but what really did me in was one time gardening a rather sizable spider came down the path towards me. I simply kicked so dirt in his direction but instead of shaking off the dust and running in the other direction the darned thing reared up on its hind legs and shook his front ones at me. I vacated the area.
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Agh! Yep, I’d have retreated, too. Peaceable spiders are okay; but angry defiant spiders? Um… NOPE!
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If we had poisonous spiders here I’d be shaking that towel out too! Even the ones that prefer to run away rather than bite scare me, because what if they can’t run away for some reason?? Bees don’t sting unless they feel threatened, either, but the worst sting I ever got was when one got sucked in our open car window and landed between my back and the seat . . . I thought I would pass out from the pain. Be careful out there in Nirvana BC, Diane!!
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Thanks, jenny_o, I will! At least it’s nice to live in a place where there are only two venomous spiders. I keep running across articles describing the long list of Australia’s deadly creatures, and thinking, “Holy shit, I’d be afraid to go outside… or stay inside!” I wonder if any arachnophobes actually live in Australia; or whether they all just flee the country screaming…?
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I think that the spider on the bath towel making a play for your boob would have been a much better video. Well maybe you don’t think so but you know. 🙂
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I’m pretty sure we’d all still be laughing at the sight of my expression…
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When I see a spider I repeat my second grade teacher’s saying: “Spiders are our friends!”
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Exactly! Spiders are a gardener’s friend (except when they get friendly during a shower). 🙂
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If I we a spider outside then I just walk far wide of therm – but if they come into the house its squish time
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That seems like a fair deal! 😉
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OMG NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!! I am the type to likely go into cardiac arrest if there is a spider ON MY PERSON! I do not like them in the home and spray to keep the majority at bay. When I do see one – it MUST DIE – but not by my hand, because it grosses me out!!!!!
I would have DIED if there was ever one on my tongue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Well, I can’t say that it was one of the happier moments of my life, but it was definitely, um… memorable. At least there wasn’t a video camera trained on me at the time! 😉
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While I don’t care to have them on me, I try not to kill them for no good reason. I assume they’ll give me the same consideration.
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One can hope. They seem to be generally a peaceable bunch – even the black widow and brown recluse would rather flee than bite.
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I had an interesting encounter with a spider this morning as well. I turned in the shower to reach for the conditioner and saw a spider at eye level – caught between the shower curtain and liner. He didn’t survive either! While not really afraid of them, can’t say I am into sharing my shower with them.
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There’s something about eye-level encounters that’s particularly disturbing. I’ll never forget the morning I woke up to find one squatting on the pillow inches away from my nose. He was rubbing his little hands together in evil anticipation, too…
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Sorry, but I”m of the thought that the only good spider (and other crawly bug) is one that is no longer of this world.
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Yeah, I don’t think I’d be heartbroken if I never had another spider crawl on me. Ever.
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Why is that spiders like the shower? It’s about the only place in my house where I ever find them. Are they trying to get clean? Wash their hair? What?
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These are the kinds of questions that keep me awake at night. Maybe it’s simply that they’ve discovered that naked humans freaking out are funnier to watch than clothed humans freaking out. They probably have their own version of America’s Funniest Home Videos, shot with teeny-tiny webcams. (See what I did there? Webcams…? Okay, I’ll shut up now.)
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webcams … hehehe … I’m going to steal that one. Thanks!!!
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It’s yours for the stealing! 🙂
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Like you, I’m not too freaked out by spiders, but I definitely don’t want them in my house, and I would definitely dance a frantic jig if one was on my belly! Poor you.
I’m at a conference now so I can’t watch the video, but I’ll have to come back to it later. Sounds like it’s worth a viewing.
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To be honest, I didn’t find the initial freak-out that funny; but when they discovered they’d captured the whole thing on video, I completely cracked up.
Enjoy your conference! (Or is it unrealistic to use “enjoy” and “conference” in the same sentence?)
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This one’s definitely enjoyable. And spider-free too!
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Woohoo! 🙂
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I firmly believe that everyone is entitled to one completely irrational phobia. Mine are mice/rats. And Bats. Because bats are just rats and mice with wings. Hate the little bastards and we had a mouse visit us about 2 weeks ago. Of course our furry 4-legged children are simply too well fed to do much about it, although one did go on high alert at least to let us know something was up. We finally caught him when she chased him into our step on garbage can…somehow he fit between the step pedal and the side, and got between the shell and liner. So husband pulled out the liner, and carried the base to the bathroom and dumped him into the toilet. Don’t you know that little bastard tried to jump right back out again! fortunately I was quick enough on slamming the lid as I flushed. 🙂 Buh-bye.
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LOL! I actually think mice and bats are adorable… but that doesn’t mean I want them in my house. It’s the peeing and shitting that bothers me – anywhere a mouse has been, I know it’s left a disgusting little trail of bacteria, and maybe even nasties like hantavirus. BLECH!!!
And I must be part feline, because if I see one just sitting quietly I’m fine; but as soon as they start zipping around I instantly snap into kill mode. I think it’s their speed that bothers me. WHERE MIGHT THEY GO?!?
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I lived in an older house for 5-6 years and had a cat that had free run of the place — that is until she woke me up one night playing with a mouse she had caught (dead) in the middle of my bed. Needless to say, her roaming areas were much reduced at night after that event.
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Ah, yes; our feline friends do love to share, don’t they? Mine never brought a mouse onto the bed, but a particularly devious one sneaked under the covers to barf up a hairball sometime during the day, then slithered out without disturbing the covers. Guess who got into bed that night without flinging the blankets back all the way, and landed butt-first in cold slimy cat puke? Eeeeeuuuuw! I loved my cats, but I don’t miss that part of their companionship.
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