The Closet Reveal

/ Diane Henders

Thanks to everybody who took at guess at which items weren’t in my closet last week!  It was lots of fun (and occasionally slightly disturbing) to read all the guesses and the reasoning behind them.  So, without further ado, here’s the photographic evidence along with my reasons/excuses for harbouring such oddball items.  (Hubby and I share the closet, but for the sake of fairness I only included items that belong to me.)

But first a disclaimer:  we’re actually not total closet-slobs.  Here’s how our closet normally looks:

closet

And here’s the exploded view with the items numbered according to the original list:

closet inventory1

closet inventory2

closet inventory3

closet inventory4

closet inventory5

And now for the explanations:

1. Umpteen pairs of jeans – Yep.  No explanation required.

2. Bellydance scarves with jingly coins – Remember this post with this video?

3. A bearskin rug – It’s a sleigh rug, left over from the 1930s when my dad used to drive the horse and sleigh to elementary school in Manitoba’s bitter-cold winters.  I’m impressed that almost everybody accepted its presence without question!

4. A bag of cosmetics – Believe me, I was as shocked as you when I discovered this ten-year-old item lurking in the bottom of one of my dusty unused handbags.

5. Books – As @krsmithsite pointed out, the proper place for books is on my giant wall of bookshelves; but I keep my first editions tucked away in a storage bin in my closet.

6. Suitcases – I bought the tiger-print because I thought it would be easy to spot on a baggage carousel… and then I ended up in a wrestling match with some other lady who’d thought the same thing and made off with my suitcase thinking it was her own.

7. A stuffed deer head – Nope, but I’m surprised and flattered by the number of people who thought I might have one in there.  It’s good to be unpredictable. 🙂

8. A white cowboy hat decorated with pearls and silk flowers – From our campy western-themed wedding seventeen years ago.  Neither of us cared about “traditional” so we decided to just have fun with it!

Phill & Diane wedding Aug 13 1999 hi-res9. A stuffed rat – Several years ago, Ikea’s toy designers apparently thought every child should have a cuddly rodent, and my funnybone was so tickled that I had to buy a couple.  (Not Fuzzy Bunny, @ElTea, but close.)  The rats migrate around our house, showing up in odd places and provoking chuckles every time.

10. A heart monitor – For use with my Nike Smartwatch at the gym.

11. Wax crayons – I keep some goodies in my closet for when the little great-nieces-and-nephews come to visit.

12. A plastic flute – See above.

13. A set of knives – The same tub contains items that are awaiting either gifting or re-gifting, and I don’t even remember where this carving set came from.  (Shhh, don’t tell.)

14. 4½” candy-apple red stiletto pumps – Nope.  I’d love to say I own a pair, but I don’t.

15. A backpack – Actually, I have a couple of them in there, plus a couple of duffel bags.

16. Half a dozen waist pouches – Sorry, @jenny_o, I really do have half a dozen.  I buy them in bulk whenever I can find them because they’re hard to come by and I wear them out fast.  (My friend Judy refuses to be seen with me while I’m buying them.  I think she’s afraid my fashion disability might be contagious.)

17. A luggage cart – Yep.

18. Pink cowboy boots – That’s a resounding ‘no’.  I do have several pairs of western boots, but I draw the line at pink.

19.Christmas cards – Gotta store ‘em somewhere.

20. A camera tripod – See above.

21. Dusty business clothes – It’s probably about time to vacuum them again…

22. A Frisbee – Nope, the Frisbees live in the garage.

23. 4½” leopard-print satin stiletto pumps – I got them for ten bucks at Payless, intending to use them for a photo shoot that never happened.  But they give me a giggle because they make me think of the scene with Lurene and her zebra stilettos in Book 5, so I’m keeping them.  After all, who knows when one might need satin animal-print stilettos?

24. A sequined evening gown – Believe it or not I have one, and it still fits.  It’s a classic design, so I might even wear it again.  Someday.  Maybe.  But not with Item 23.

25. A dead plant – No.  Usually my plants flourish and take over, but if one actually dies I commend its remains to my backyard garden, not my closet.

26. A soap dispenser – Yep, it’s another item in the gift tub.

27. Dust bunnies – I’d love to say no, but the embarrassing truth is that I found a flock of them happily reproducing behind my storage bins.

28. Boxing gloves – One pair 14-oz. boxing gloves; one pair muay thai gloves.

29. Scented candles – These live in the gift tub, too, waiting for their scent to dissipate enough that I can stand to have them in the house.  It’s been about five years so far.

30. A clothes shaver – For some reason I have two.  Never been used.

And… drum roll, please…

As you’ve probably noticed, nobody correctly guessed all five items; but Lois and el Tea were closest with three each.  So, as a tie-breaker I’ll use a random number generator to select a number between 1 and 100 – whoever guesses closest gets an appearance in Book 12!  Ladies, please post your guess in the comments below.

Thanks for playing, everybody!  And now, inquiring minds want to know:  What’s the oddest thing in your closet?

* * *

New discussion over at the Virtual Backyard Book Club:  Watch Your Language, Young Lady!  How do you feel about Aydan’s swearing?  Click here to have your say!

37 thoughts on “The Closet Reveal”

  3. Love this post. I love your closet! My biggest problem is closets……period. Does your closet have a light? What is it about homebuilders that lights are left out of closets? The last three homes we have bought have had no lights in the closets at all. This shoe box we own now have no where near enough closet space and none with lights. I have always said that I need a house the size of an airplane hangar, even if it was just me! I need space around me, some open floor space. My hubby and I both are “keepers”. We keep stuff. We might need it for something one day, maybe. The one “main” closet in our bedroom is a combination space for clothes and storage. I have 3 large stackable tubs in there with Lord knows what in them. Been there so long I forgot what I put in them. Since they are behind some other things I may never get them out to open and see what I had stored. One thing I do know is that there’s no money in them. I never would put cash in boxes “behind” junk.
    The oddest in my closet? would have to be the beaded curtains I was going to put up for the door to my office. LOL The first time my first stray cat got left inside one night decided it would be neat to climb them and wound up getting tangled in them, meowed madly, made a giant racket waking up hubby, it didn’t end well. The cat and the beads came crashing to the floor, hubby wound up getting scratched getting “Doofus” (the cat) untangled and getting his own feet tangled in the cords of the bead strands and landing on his butt! He put the cat outside, rather rudely and took what was left of the beads and threw them in the closet! we finally decided to leave the doorway open.
    Our house has, and will probably always be, “under construction”. We always did our own work. Ceilings, walls, sheetrock, cabinets, you name it we did it. Everything came to a bit of a standstill when health problems started so, it may be something left for the kids to take care of. HA! I know they’ll appreciate that. We’ve learned to move around the mess and do what we can but we can still sketch out plans. We’re getting good at that!
    Anyway, took a while to get back in here. My server played games with their “fixes” and my laptop took a hit. Everything went nuts and it took me all day to figure this thing out. Plus, all my list of favorites disappeared. sheesh.
    Now I’m going to have to find the time to look at all the new stuff here. I still haven’t seen the book club area!
    Love this site. It’s good for my soul.

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    • OMG, I was laughing myself silly at the description of your husband and the cat and beaded curtains! I can just imagine the scene! And I got a giggle from “Doofus” the cat, too – we have friends who’ve named their cat Dumbass, shortened to D.A. in polite company. I always tease them that the cat isn’t as dumb as they want to believe – he’s got them wrapped around his little furry paw. 🙂

      I hope you’ll make it over to the Book Club someday soon – we’ve had some great conversations! Here’s a link to the main Discussions page if you want to check it out: https://neversayspy.com/blog/

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  8. If you like, I’ll send you several waist pouches – I really should declutter those 🙂 I’d have to find them in the closet first, though … ha ha

    There are plenty of odd things in my closet, too, because it’s fairly large and it’s a good place to keep stuff that doesn’t logically have any other home. Probably the most unusual thing is a sheepskin (used for comfort for my elderly father a few years ago) followed closely by the dress my mother wore when my folks were married. It wasn’t made to be a wedding dress but it looked like one. The waist is tiny! And I can’t bear to part with it.

    Now if you’d asked what’s the oddest thing in your whole house, and it was a couple of years ago, I could’ve said porcupine quills in a case. But after I stuck one under my fingernail and had the point break off, I got rid of them …

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    • OUCH! I don’t even want to think about what it must have taken to get that quill out – they’re designed to go in and stick. I won’t ask why you had them in the first place, though, and I can’t raise an eyebrow at your sheepskin, considering my bearskin. But your mom’s dress is a real treasure! I don’t have my mom’s wedding dress, though I do still have a couple of blouses she made about 35 years ago. Nice to have those memories. 🙂

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      • I’d love to have something my mother made as well, but the dress will do 🙂 And the end of that quill broke off and is still under my fingernail . A very tiny piece. It hurt for a couple of weeks and then stopped. I have visions of it travelling through my body and piercing my heart. However, the vision wasn’t strong enough to overcome my embarrassment at the thought of going to the ER to get it dug out! And I’ll tell you who was responsible for me having those – my mother, the ex-teacher. I was getting them ready for discarding (wanted to tape the little box securely closed) when the stick-in thing happened. Boooo 😦

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        • Boooo indeed! I guess that’ll be the last time you try to do the ‘safe’ thing.

          I’m still shuddering at the piece remaining under your fingernail. That would send me scurrying for the bathroom for the peroxide and my needle-nose tweezers. No matter how much blood and pain it caused, I’d need to get it out of there!

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          • Hah! I’m no amateur! I had the disinfectant, the tweezers AND an old fashioned razor blade ready but I couldn’t make myself cut into my finger – the thing had broken off so far under the nail the tweezers didn’t come close. Also, I’d be using my non-dominant hand to do the surgery. Just couldn’t do it 🙂 Besides, it worked its way out of sight so slowly that I’ll be dead long before it reaches any vital organs. She said hopefully.

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  10. Congratulations to both ladies, I’m totally gutted, but I got a mention in the post.

    And Diane should you ever require a tall leggy busty blonde for a night of passion with Hellhound, please feel free to use me I fully consent to that with a blog full of witness’s.

    Scariest thing in my closet is the amount of shoes, so much so that I had to move them out of the closet. Oh and probably the amount of scarfs and although no longer in the closet, the amount of silk bedding I have in many colours, but they are now in a box my dad made me a couple of years ago for Xmas.

    Loved your pictures of the closet and don’t worry mine is a tip too so full of stuff

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  11. That’s enough material write a few novels about. One thing that my human’s wife came across when cleaning a closet a few years back – a five foot long snake skin – probably from a black snake. Problem – never found the snake.

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      • Wow ! I can’t believe That Lois and I were closest to knowing your deep dark secrets. As soon as it sunk in that I have a 50/50 chance of winning whichever of us comes closest to a number you selected between 1and 100, the number 69 came to me and won’t let go. Yeah, I know it has other connotations, but I choose to say “yin and yang”.

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    • And the winner is… Lois! Random.org generated the number 15. Thanks for guessing, though, el Tea – I liked your yin-yang number choice!

      Lois, please let me know the following information – you can put your answers in the comment box below or email them to me privately, whichever you prefer:
      – Name, age, gender, and appearance of your character (can be your real stats or something you’ve made up).
      – Good guy or bad guy?
      – A distinguishing mark, trait, or habit, or a favourite exclamation.

      I’m looking forward to writing your character!

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