It’s The Cat’s Ass!

/ Diane Henders

Last year I mentioned that my home is a repository for creepy and disturbing items. But I also have a number of things that aren’t exactly creepy, but nevertheless indicate to the world that the inhabitants of this house are just not quite… normal.

For instance, there’s this:

Yes, that is a cat’s-ass fridge magnet.

Yes, that is a cat’s-ass fridge magnet.

There is, of course, a story behind (pun intended) this.

Our family has always loved cats. I had cats for a couple of decades; my step-mom has a cat; and after being feline-free for quite a while, my sister got an adorable little orange tabby christened Phoebe several years ago.

Phoebe is lovely, but, like all cats, she’s fond of mooning. Especially as a kitten she loved to get her butt right up in my brother-in-law’s face, much to his vociferous disapproval. So when I discovered a package of fridge magnets shaped like cats’ asses, I had to buy them for him as a gag gift for Christmas that year. He duly gagged when he opened them, there was much hilarity, and then I got distracted by cooking and visiting and thought no more about it.

Until everybody left and I discovered the Siamese ass, the rudest one of the bunch, stuck to my fridge.

I laughed (yes, I have to say it) my ass off.

The cat’s-ass magnet subsequently became a family joke, and at one point my then-teenage niece got creative with my one of my other fridge magnets:

Is that modesty or lasciviousness?

Is that modesty or lasciviousness?

Anyway, years passed and I had pretty much stopped noticing the cat’s ass, until my nephew and his wife visited with their kids last Christmas. Aged seven and four, the kids investigated the house and then joined us in the kitchen. I was yakking with the adults and didn’t notice what was going on until a little voice spoke up.

“Excuse me.” (These kids are polite.) “What’s that?” A little finger points up at the fateful magnet. Two wide-eyed stares fix on my face.

“What do you think it is?”

Nothing but silence and round eyes. They know damn well what it is, but there’s no way they’re going to say it to a strange adult (and I’m as strange as they come).

I can’t help cracking (sorry) a smile. “It’s a cat bum.”

Squeals of delight. “A bum! It’s a cat bum!” Giggle-giggle-giggle!

But after they left I stopped paying attention to the magnet again, except to glance at it occasionally and grin at the memories.

Until last night.

Phone rings. It’s my sister. Laughing her ass off.

Her: “Guess what I just got! 3D cat butts!”

Me: “Wha…?”

Her: “3D cat butts!”

And she sent me a picture:

cat butts 3

Yes. Yes, those are 3D cat butts.

 

Apparently a co-worker had found this package of fridge magnets and bought them for her, without even knowing the family folklore.

And so another round of tradition begins. Some families treasure special china or heirloom jewellery. We bond over cat asses.

Any oddball heirlooms or traditions in your family?

45 thoughts on “It’s The Cat’s Ass!”

  1. Oh my gosh, my husband and I are on the floor with this! We are ‘cracking’ up! Not only are we cat people, but pun lovers as well! Thank you for the laughs. I will be postiing! Wish we knew you!

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  2. Pingback: A Few From The Funny-Files | Diane Henders

    • I think she got them in Banff. That might be a bit of a commute for you, but a novelty store might carry them – maybe one of the funky ones in a touristy-type area, if you’re close to anywhere like that? Or if all else fails, you can search “cat butt magnets” on Amazon or eBay. After all, everybody needs cat butts!

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  5. I love cats, all kinds of cats, and most all stories about them are true! I needed a good laugh today and you have once again provided it. Those magnets are hilarious. My cat, Dusty is a Korat and while she allows me to think I rule the house, I know the truth. She will occasionally find a stray that needs a few meals and a pat on the head or two and lets me know that I need to do that. The strays stick around for a while and then move on. We don’t mind, it’s just a little extra feed and Dusty seems to be very proud of herself for helping her friends. Her picture is my little icon thingy. Animals always seem to have the “inside track” on most everything.
    Love the progress too on #10.

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    • I had to go and look up Korats – what beautiful cats! The breed description sounds like they have a lovely temperament, too, so I guess it’s no surprise that your Dusty is such a sweetie.

      The cat-butt on the far right in the bottom row…? 😉

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  6. Refrigerator cats? Hysterical. The other kind? We have two cats. They belong to our children who moved years ago and couldn’t take them along for very legitimate reasons. Yeah, right. The cats are free to anyone with a good home. Or a not so good home. Or hell on earth. Whatever.

    And forty-one point theven thix per thent? Theriouthly phabulouth! You tho rock, thithter!

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  7. LOL! I loved my cats (who have all gone one to kitty heaven), but there are some things I don’t miss about them.

    Speaking of dubiously…um, tasteful? appropriate?…magnets, I used to keep a set of “magnetic poetry” words on our refrigerator. At the time, we had two teenagers, both with highly advanced (and creative!) vocabularies–and access to scissors, so they could “edit” the available magnetic words. Yeah, you can imagine the lyrical gems that appeared like magic to greet me on a daily basis.

    Of course, I always laughed my head off. My kids know me so well. But I finally retired the set (the magnetic poetry words, not the kids) when I got tired of worrying about what my in-laws would find when they visited.

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  9. I love the cat’s butts! Yes, cats do like to invite us to sniff their rears, it’s meant to be a sign of affection, thank goodness it isn’t a universal human way to show affection. The only funny tradition think I can think of right now is that my ex boyfriend who I was with for 10 years (I only mention the length of the relationship so that you can see it was long enough for a tradition to be established!), and I and some friends, on every occasion where you would send a greeting card used to compete to find the cheapest crappest possible card to send to each other, you know the type, with maybe a picture of a horse on and gold writing that wasn’t printed properly, on flimsy card, and so much the better if the card was for a different occasion than the one we were using it for! It was hilarious. It’s hard to find those really crappy cards these days, but it was easier back then!

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    • What a fabulous tradition – I love it! My brother and I always used to search out cards with the vilest puns possible, but unfortunately punny greeting cards seem to have gone out of fashion lately. I keep hoping they’ll come back…

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  11. LOL, and the 3-D cat butts now reside on my magnetic white board by my desk. Not only can I threaten my team with disciplinary action from the dreaded Christmas Carol Meowing Cat, I can also threaten to give them a cat butt magnet in the event of momentary stupidity! It’s good to have power! 🙂

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    • “Playing the cello” – ha! What a perfect description of that stiff-leg-in-the-air pose! And I’m pretty sure cats are sentient beings. They can read your mind, and they see far into the infrared so they can unerringly select the warmest spot in their environment.

      Unfortunately, with sentience comes a childish sense of humour that features contests to see whose human servants will tolerate the most disgusting abuse. I’m pretty sure my last cat was a winner – he sneaked under my bedcovers and horked up a hairball during the day, knowing full well it would be cold and slimy and exactly at the spot where I wouldn’t see it when I folded the covers back to go to bed, but I’d land in it as soon as I lay down. Did I mention I don’t have cats anymore…?

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  15. Ha ha haha ha. Hee-hee. There seem to be cats that hold their tails erect and those who don’t. My black cat showed off a highly contrasting anus and a friend told me her dad called it a (insert your most hated politican’s last name here) button. Every time thereafter I couldn’t look at my cat’s keaster without thinking about the new line of political advertising for the opponent.

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  16. I’m not sure what’s odder: you leaving that thing on your fridge or someone making it in the first place. 😉

    I have a Super Pickle my brother bought me when I was in college. It’s a big pickle with a cape, and it sits in my kitchen. I guess that’s the weirdest thing I hold onto. Well, that and my Billy Carter Beer can.

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