Random Thoughts From A Fried Brain

/ Diane Henders

I’ve been completely immersed in changing over all my domains to a new hosting provider this week.  It was an immensely complicated and time-consuming affair, fraught with stress over recreating four websites and about 50 email accounts without losing any connections or having any website downtime.  Somewhat to my own surprise I emerged victorious yesterday, and I still even have most of my hair.  Enough to hide the places where I yanked chunks out, anyway.

Unfortunately, I don’t have enough remaining brainpower to create any kind of intelligible blog post.  So instead of failing in the attempt, I’m going to offer a few random thoughts from this week and tack a cartoon on the end.

Here goes:

  • The only thing that differentiates me from a garden-variety nutjob is the fact that instead of following orders from the voices in my head, I write them down and call them fiction.
  • You know how in the movies the tough guys always say, “Awright, you wanna do this the easy way or the hard way?” Does anybody ever say, “Ooh, ooh, let’s do it the hard way!”
  • Ever notice how, with computers, the “easy way” is indistinguishable from the “hard way”? And if you cynically attempt a harder way because you already know the easy way is a disaster… well, that way lies madness.
  • Computers contain advanced sensors capable of determining the exact amount of stress hormones in your system. When a preset level is attained, the computer will automatically crash. If your stress levels continue to escalate, it will develop a catastrophic problem that requires a minimum of a full day’s pissing around to fix.
  • The above also applies to smartphones.
  • Regardless of the amount of work to be done, the work always expands to fill the time available… plus an hour.
  • The fastest way to get attentive customer service is to tell them to cancel your account.
  • Two lies don’t make a truth, but three or more lies make a sales brochure.

And I’ll leave you with this:

being a novelist final

20 thoughts on “Random Thoughts From A Fried Brain”

  1. “Regardless of the amount of work to be done, the work always expands to fill the time available… plus an hour.”

    Gawd, this happens with every little “around the house” project I undertake. Usually takes an extra day, not an hour and several trips to the hardware store which is closed on Sunday which is the day stupid me starts the fix-up.

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  2. “Two lies don’t make a truth, but three or more lies make a sales brochure”. I am stealing this and will likely use it sans credit.
    Also two wrongs don’t make a right but three rights make a left.
    You are beyond awesome to do all that computer work yourself. AND I now have the first five of your books – and will find time to read them.

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  4. Printers (and photocopiers) also have the stress level determining / increasing chip. The more desperately you need the print/copy the more likely they are to not print, jam and otherwise drive you crazy.

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  5. Diane… is your mind linked to mine???
    My stress levels are through the roof lately. So much so, I’ve taken to downing a couple of sedatives before going to sleep at night. Where my body is totally relaxed, my mind is a mirror image of your cartoon… I think I’ve slept but can’t really be certain…!

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  6. Your fears were for naught. Another great post. Loved the bullet points, all exactly right on. About the sales brochure, you absolutely skewered it. Perfect!

    And as always, your cartoon totally works. Perfect again!

    And thirty-three per thent! Fabulouth! You THO rock!

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  8. I always figure any time saving technology brings us is completely swallowed by the time we spend getting it to work. In fact, I suspect we come out in the negative column. What masochists we are.

    Great cartoon and so true!

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    • Thanks! And you’re right – the whole thing does seem masochistic, and sometimes I consider chucking the whole thing and going back to a simpler life. But then I think about what my life would be like without technology, and at the first thought of writing manuscripts longhand I scurry back to grovel before my computer and beg forgiveness. Sad but true…

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