Wait, Wha…?!?

/ Diane Henders

I’ve had one of those weeks where it seems as though the rest of the world is conspiring to make me say, “Wait, wha…?!?”

The first thing was the fortune cookie I got on the weekend. I was expecting the usual sort of fortune; you know, ‘You will soon go on a long trip’ or ‘Your persistence will be rewarded’ or something.

Instead, I got this:

fortune - goal

Wha…?!?

I’m somebody’s goal? That’s… really… kinda creepy. I’d be pleased to be someone’s role model… or no, wait, scratch that. I’d be seriously concerned if anyone selected me as a role model. I’d be unsurprised by being held up as a bad example; or perhaps as an object lesson. But to be the goal of many individuals? Suddenly I feel as though I’m the prize in a game of Capture The Flag.

The next two things that boggled my mind happened in quick succession at a shopping mall. Here’s what confronted me when I walked in the door of Hudson’s Bay Company (a Canadian department store):

Check the sign: "2015 RED MITTENS".

Check the sign: “2015 RED MITTENS”.

I read the sign on my way by, stopped, backed up, and read it again. Then I squinted at the sign and the big display of mittens beside it. Wha…?!? In what world are those mittens red?

Granted, they’ve got some red on them. But The Bay has carried a new design of red mittens every winter for years, and they’ve always been, well… red.  See?

These red mittens all have one thing in common: They’re, um… red.

These red mittens all have one thing in common: They’re, um… red.

I guess nobody bothered to inform me that blue is the new red.

Then a few minutes later, in the same store, this:

Yes, that is a giant hairball.

Yes, that is a giant hairball.

A big ball of human hair. Right in the middle of the clean white floor, not far from a service desk.

Something like that doesn’t just drop unnoticed off somebody’s head. A hairball of that magnitude has to be gathered from a hairbrush, rolled up, and deliberately dropped. Gross. But that wasn’t what made me say, “Wait, wha…?!?”

No; I put the defunct dreadlock out of my mind and carried on with my shopping. My ‘wha…?!?’ moment occurred two hours later when it I came back and it was still there.

So this big gross hairball, visible from 50 yards away in a main traffic aisle, close to a service desk… was cheerfully ignored by every staff member for two hours.  That might not be surprising if it was a dollar store or some other place that doesn’t worry too much about their image. But in a department store that pretends to be moderately upscale? Wha…?!?

And finally, I’ll leave you with this arrival in yesterday’s mailbox:

Tell me, does this colour scheme say ‘Glow’ to you?

Tell me, does this colour scheme say ‘Glow’ to you?

I don’t know why they persist in sending me this free magazine. It’s all about fashion and makeup, which everyone knows is a lost cause with me. But at least I got a laugh out of this issue’s cover. A murky green background and a model with deeply shadowed eyes, pale lips, and a greenish cast to her skin just doesn’t say ‘Glow’ to me. ‘Reanimated Corpse’, maybe.

But I guess that title would be too long to fit on the cover.

Did anything make you go “Wait, wha…?!?” this week?

33 thoughts on “Wait, Wha…?!?”

  1. Pingback: Mind: Boggled. | Diane Henders

    • True! And how do you deal with it when they give you six fortune cookies at a time, one for each person at the table? Those things should come with the correct date and venue on which to place the numbers. It’s only fair, right?

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  4. Anytime I can get through a week without something breaking down, tearing up, melting, falling apart, or just plain disappearing, I consider myself lucky. Most of the things I see pop up are like the things you come across. Then there are the things that I have seen over the years, things that I swear I didn’t go looking for but they just came “into my view”, that I wouldn’t dare talk about. Come to think of it maybe I could just log it down and then bury the “log” and let my daughter work it out after I go on to the next level. hahaha, and I wouldn’t have to answer any questions! By George I think that’s a plan.
    Your posts here do help me maintain my sanity.
    I think.

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    • Oh, good plan! I like the idea of leaving a smoking bomb behind for ‘posterity’ (since I don’t have any direct descendants to shock or embarrass).

      And I’m so glad I help you maintain the same precarious level of (in)sanity I enjoy. (And I do enjoy it!) 😉

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      • There used to be a story that went around years ago about a situation, that if facts were told, the person telling the story would “know where the bodies were buried”! Every time I hear that phrase I can’t help but say “oh yes, yes, yes!” Then I just laugh and laugh and laugh. No one should ever feel sorry for crazy people, only they know the secrets. hahahahaha
        I have met my share of them, believe me.

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  6. For me it was the sight of a truck towing a flat-bed trailer piled high with soil. But it was okay – the soil was secured by a strap (no, not a tarp … not a fine net, as single strap). It’s nice to see such care taken to secure a load!

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  8. That magazine cover makes the Wait. Wha…? statement to me.

    Let’s talk about sex. I don’t need their magazine to do that. That’s what this blog is for, right?

    A sexpert weighs in? Sounds more like the preliminaries for a boxing match.

    I mastered smoky eyes decades ago. Campfires, BBQ grills, etc. They make it sound like something that would be pleasant and desirable. Maybe they should get out more.

    And no disrespect to the model by any means, but whoever did her makeup and hair needs to make some new career choices. Maybe for minimum wage in the food service or industrial cleaning industries. The poor girl looks like an alien who has kissed a light socket…with a little tongue action.

    Of *course* the magazine is free. Who would *pay* for it?

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    • “…an alien who has kissed a light socket…with a little tongue action” – LOL! Best line ever!

      I think the saddest part of the whole thing is that they put SEX in big bold type on the cover… but their ‘sexpert’ made only three points. To wit: 1) Medications may affect your sex drive; 2) New IUDs are different from the ones in the 70s; and 3) If you want better sex, it might help to talk to your partner. Oh, and maybe give them a compliment now and then.

      Yikes. If that’s a sexpert, I’m sure glad I’m married to a gifted amateur.

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  11. I wouldn’t want to be anybody’s “goal”, especially with cretins like ISIS/ISIL or whatever out there. Plus, I thought we were in 2014 still? Not sure why the “red” mittens are for 2015. Maybe you can only wear them after New Years 🙂

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      • Years ago, we had a vehicle with self-levelling air suspension. Thus, it had a build in electric air compressor in the back. It came with a little kit with an air hose in it and tire chuck on the hose that would accept other air-related accessories such as sports ball inflator needles, and stuff like that there.

        In fact, the little compressor outlet had a switch on it for different settings. One was “OFF.” One was “TIRE.” One was “SPORTS BALLS.”

        Our son (in junior high school at the time) took one look at the switch and said, “Sports balls. Isn’t that a venereal disease?”

        After that, we could not look at the switch and keep a straight face.

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  13. That hairball would’ve done me in. I have a thing about stray hairs. Don’t like them. And if they’re in my food? Quickest diet plan ever.

    I liked your fortune cookie message. Of course, I had to add the “in bed” part after it. So essentially: Many individuals see you as their goal in bed. Well, that’s not too shabby.

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