Stop The Fashion Presses!

/ Diane Henders

I wrote this very late last night and I wasn’t quite sober at the time.  Consider yourselves warned…

I’m taking a semi-vacation this week, and I’ve left the writing of this draft to the last possible moment.  So since I’ve had one too many glasses of birthday wine tonight I’m going to offer some random fashion-related thoughts.

Yes, I realize that fashion opinions from me are approximately as valuable as makeup tips from Ronald McDonald, but please indulge me for a few minutes ’cause I’m feeling inspired.  Or possibly just intoxicated.  Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference…

Anyway, here’s the first thing that inspired me: You know how I postulated a couple of years ago that I was probably a sociopath because I refused to give up wearing my waist pouch? Well, the joke’s on the rest of the world. I wasn’t a pathetic refugee from the fashion police; I was a cutting-edge trendsetter. Look at this:

Matthew McConaughey has made it cool to wear fanny packs: http://uproxx.com/filmdrunk/2014/08/matthew-mcconaughey-has-made-it-cool-to-wear-fanny-packs-again/?sc_ref=direct

And Rihanna rocks a fanny pack, too:  http://perezhilton.com/cocoperez/2014-03-04-rihanna-chanel-show-fanny-pack-paris-fashion-week#.U_QLgNN0yUk

I realize their waist pouches are an order of magnitude more fashionable than mine, but I prefer not to cloud the issue with facts.

So neener-neener to the fashion police! *proudly hoists up waist pouch and strides off into the sunset*

Also on a fashion-related note: Stop the presses; I wore a skirt to my birthday dinner tonight:

diane 50th bday

Sadly, my sartorial choice had little to do with a sudden attack of fashion-consciousness and everything to do with the fact that I wanted to wear stretchy clothes so I could make a pig of myself at the fancy restaurant Hubby had chosen. (And I did pig out; with relish. Or to be exact, with saffron cream dressing on my prawn-and-avocado salad and balsamic reduction on my duck breast.  No actual relish.  That would just be gross.)

But getting back to the point:  Me. In a skirt. Shocking, yes?

I don’t want to cause any more trauma to your optic nerves so I’ll leave you with a cartoon.  I actually posted it for the first time a while ago, but it suited my theme tonight and I’m still tipsy enough not to be bothered by my lack of originality:

fashion

Here’s to being fashionable; or, failing that, being too oblivious to care.

Happy Wednesday!

P.S. I just realized this post is positively rife with semi-colons and colons.  It’s probably some deep Freudian way to indicate the anatomical area I most resemble when I’ve been drinking…

61 thoughts on “Stop The Fashion Presses!”

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  6. May I be the 82nd to wish you a happy birthday? You remind me of the time I strolled out to water the flower boxes wearing a pair of flannel Holstein jammy pants and a stained T-shirt and my young neighbor, in what I assume was a tone of admiration, said, “Shit, you really DON’T care, do you?”

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  7. Happy Belated birthday!! And that skirt is beautiful! and..I do that too. Stretchy comfy clothes when one goes out to eat…or else what’s the point, right??

    So, you are now a kick boxing, belly dancing, humourous author who is a fashion trendsetter! I’m so cool by default, aren’t I…knowing someone uber cool 😀

    BTW…what anatomical parts are reflected in colons and semi colons? The colon? teehee..

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    • You’re totally cool, and not through any association with me. 🙂 And yes, ‘the colon’ is correct. It seemed like a nicer way to say “Maybe I’m a bit of an asshole”.

      Dang, and I thought I was going to get through one entire blog post without saying a single rude word. Oh well…

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  8. Is it Australia where fanny refers to the front of a woman’s anatomy rather than to the back? Also a waist pouch sounds like something related to a colostomy. At any rate, I put one on once and should look for it as I still may be wearing it. If it got under my tummy bulge, I may never see it again.

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    • “…I may still be wearing it” – Hahahaha!!! Now there’s a mental image!

      And I’m not sure about Australia – the woman who pointed out the alternate location for one’s fanny was Finnish, and I’m pretty sure the Brits use it in that connotation, too.

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  9. You look MAHVELOUS, dahling! And it’s okay that you weren’t quite sober when you wrote this. Heck, I’m not quite sober as I read it. And Happy, Happy Birthday! Don’t worry, the fifties don’t hurt that much. 😉

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  10. You look fabulous in your party gear, Diane, fanny pack or no fanny pack (I always feel like chuckling when I say that… sorry, that’s the Carry On English in me.)
    I have a little birthday surprise for you over on my blog. I say surprise – I hope it is, and it isn’t a shock. You still look better in your party gear than what I’ve dressed you in. I shall leave things there for now… 😉
    Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have fun now.

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  14. I was with that company from mid-1999 through mid-2000-ish. Now that you mention it, most of the useful info I got came from other uses in the forums, not AD employees. Mercifully, I have forgotten most of the trauma that went with working there. The boss was a carrier for heart attacks. He didn’t have them, he GAVE them to his employees. A true emotionally toxic quagmire. I got out as soon as I could find a better gig.

    The next place I worked used Pro/Engineer. I got to be *really* proficient with that! I miss that almost as much as I miss all the fun we used to have on the AD forum.

    The fun forum was called Take 5. That’s what I miss. About the time I left, the company brass clamped down on the forums. All were getting a little to lax for their tastes, according to them.. Word from the guys I still kept up with for a couple of years thereafter said that the fun and games came to a screeching halt. Dull, dry, all business. Any attempt at humor was slammed shut by the forum nazis. Their bandwidth requirements dropped drastically thereafter, I understand. I haven’t even peeked at it since.

    I have the full suite of AutoDesk products on my office computer at work because we have a site license for all of it. I though I would really enjoy getting back into it again, so I had the IT guy install it. I just piled into it for two days. With no real need to do it anymore, I just found that I was two days behind in all the other stuff I needed to do. Haven’t touched it since.

    An era has ended. Timing is everything, or so it seems.

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    • I have a program called DraftSight on my home computer – they offer a free version that basically reproduces the old AutoCAD 2D drafting and uses the .DWG format. Very handy for doing up quick drawings for home renos and other projects, especially since I used AutoCAD back when you used to input all the commands via keyboard instead of using tablets (remember them?) or screen menus. DraftSight still supports the old text-based ACAD commands so I can blaze along just like in the old days. I know I’m a dinosaur, but I’m a happy dinosaur!

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  15. I was listening to the news and heard about Matthew McConoughy and his fanny pack (yes, apparently that’s news), and I immediately thought of you with a smile on my face. You do indeed get the last laugh. And you look great in that skirt!

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  16. Love the outfit; 👍👏 and congratulations on your Birthday 🎂 🎈 as well as fanny pack endorsement. Got my hubby to wear one a year ago so I didn’t have to schlep his stuff, and of course it is bad for men to sit on their wallets which eventually makes their lower spines cranky! He doesn’t like me to call it a “murse” though! (Though in UK where I’m from a purse is a wallet, and a handbag is what in the US is a purse- sheesh!)

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    • Hubby is still highly resistant to the idea no matter what I call it! And you’ll notice that I refer to it as a waist pouch instead of a fanny pack – one of my European readers reminded me that over there, ‘fanny’ doesn’t refer to the backside of one’s anatomy the way it does here. Semantics…

      Thank you for the birthday wishes! 🙂

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  17. Lady, the look just WORKS! But wait! Where’s that waist pouch? Inquiring minds and all that.

    Your post reminds me of something I did on New Year’s Eve on Y2K. I was chief engineer at a place that used AutoCAD drafting software. There is much in the way of online customer support from the AutoDesk company, such as different forums for each branch of their software business.

    There was an off-the-wall forum for general water-cooler issues and topics. Funny stuff, rants, just general mayhem. It was moderated, of course, but with a gentle hand. The moderator, a precious lady named Anne, just rocked. The place was just flaming hysterical. Gad, what went on there was hilarious! I still miss it. I do not miss the company I worked for then in the least, but the software forum was just killer.

    Several of us (those without a life, naturally) were exchanging clever, well, exchanges, right on through the fateful time, and we all lived over it, of course. The world did not end, life did not cease to exist, etc.

    At the time I was under the (strong) influence of some prescription-strength cough syrup. Yep, codeine. LOTS of codeine. Everybody says I was just hysterically funny all evening and well on into the early morning hours.

    I, naturally, remember nothing.

    That’s my story, and it’s sticking to me. 🙂

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    • LOL! I’m always entertaining in my own mind after a couple of beers. The question is whether others are laughing with me or at me…

      I used AutoCAD for years and ended up being the support forum for the company I worked for at the time. I never did discover any helpful information from AutoDesk, and their customer service was abysmal. Maybe I would have liked them better if I’d found the forum you’re talking about! (Particularly if I’d stumbled upon it on New Year’s Eve Y2K.)

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      • I should add that the high-test cough syrup was for a really nasty cold I had at the time. (hack, wheeze) I don’t ordinarily go in for that sort of thing, you understand… (hack, wheeze)

        And I’m absolutely positive you would have fit right in. I can’t tell you how much fun that was. One of the regular participants was from Maine. After he retired, he and his wife did a road trip all across the US to meet the other participants. (Well, the funnest ones, that is.) They spent time in NYC, Boston, Baltimore, Atlanta, Houston, Austin, Lubbock (there were two of us there in a town of 200,000!) and several places out west. It was that much fun.

        And it was even more fun than that with codeine! So I hear… 🙂

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