Yes, it’s true. Beef is a vegetable, and today I’m going to give you a logical explanation as to why that’s so.
And as a special bonus, I’m going to address the age-old question posed by unhappy students ever since Plato and Aristotle started flapping their gums all those centuries ago: “When will I ever use these grand principles of logic in real life?”
The answer is ‘frequently’… if you have a devious mind and a burning desire to justify unhealthy nutritional choices.
Hubby and I have both.
Frankly, I was a lot happier when I thought the four basic food groups were sugar, salt, fat, and booze. But then I went and educated myself about proper nutrition, not realizing how that knowledge would cut into my enjoyment of the all the tastiest treats in life.
On my more cynical days, I figure cutting out all the best yummies won’t actually make me live longer; it’ll just seem like it. But since my main ambition is to not die of my own stupidity, I generally make an effort to eat well. And on the days when I don’t feel like doing that, I use logic to justify my poor food choices.
‘Cause, like, y’know, logic is like, all sophisticated and stuff, so that makes me feel smarter when I’m ingesting enough saturated fat to bung my arteries solid.
I’ve already discovered a few useful pre-rationalized vices. I’m sure just about everybody has seen the one about how chocolate comes from a bean, and beans are vegetables. And vegetables are healthy and an essential part of good nutrition, therefore it’s necessary to eat chocolate.
Or the one about how grapes are fruit, and wine is made from crushed grapes, therefore wine is just as healthy as fruit juice.
And barley sandwiches are a super-nutritious meal, too. (For those unfamiliar with barley sandwiches, the main ingredients in beer are barley and yeast, which are essentially the same ingredients as bread…)
If you think that’s a weak argument, never mind – I have a better one. Beer fights cancer, so it’s actually medicinal. And I just re-read that article and discovered that they consider a ‘healthy’ intake of beer to be up to two or three units a day for women. Dammit, I’ve been under-medicated! Bring on the beer!
But the people who thought up those rationalizations are rank amateurs compared to my husband. He has actually formulated a logic chain to justify eating gigantic quantities of steak:
Beef is a vegetable. And vegetables are healthy.
I did point out the food pyramid to him, indicating where there was a clear differentiation between meats and vegetables, but he just shook his head with the patient tolerance of a Zen scholar and proceeded to enlighten me.
“It’s simple,” he explained. “Cows eat grass. Grass is a vegetable. You are what you eat, so beef is a vegetable.”
I couldn’t argue with that even if I wanted to.
Is that the sweet, sweet smell of barbeque?
Beef is a vegetable thinking sounds very similar to this tidbit lemons and bananas the same thing
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Hopefully he doesn’t run into a dietitian at the buffet table. 🙂
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Oh, I don’t know…
“What’s for lunch today?”
“Dietician.”
“Mmmmmm! Delicious!”
See? Not so bad after all. 🙂
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You are hilarious!
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LOL! Poor dieticians…
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I’ll say. Never thought of it quite in those terms:)
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Yikes! if you are what you eat, I’m a big old hot cross bun right now. Given that I’m hot flashing and permanently grumpy, I’m at least two for three.
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Hahaha!! Thanks for my morning laugh – that was a good one! I overdid the hot cross buns this weekend, too… but they were so yummy!
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Thank you! I plan on informing my doctor on the next visit about the new “vegetable” on my list. He can like it or deal with it, either way, I plan on winning. (he thinks I’m one log shy of a full cord anyway) heheheh
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LOL! Sometimes it’s tough to be a forward-thinker…
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I forget who the author is but there is an old saying that goes something like…”I didn’t fight and claw my way up to the top of the food chain just so I could graze on grass!” Truer words were never spoken.
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Love it! 😀
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Exactly. That’s my mantra whenever I cruise past the salad bar. 🙂
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I love beef, and I make no bones about it. (Sorry) I especially like an inch and a half thick fillet Mignon. I use the recipe from The Barefoot Contessa’s show that involves searing both sides in a cast iron skillet, then throwing the whole thing in a 400 degree (F) oven for a few minutes. With a generous dollop of garlic butter on top.
I like my vegetables about medium. With a nice, light salt-and-pepper crust.
With this in mind, I think there may be a little more distance than we thought between “vegetarian” and “vegan.” Or maybe not. Perhaps history will decide…
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Oh, YUM! Make it medium-rare, and I’m there… but I wouldn’t turn down medium, either. Or large… 😉
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I just noticed the last part of your comment.
Waiter: “Sir, how would you like your steak?
Me: Medium. No, make that large.
I’m gonna do that next time I order steak! Can hardly wait! 🙂
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😀
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Actually beef is quite healthy, regardless of the Loony Left.
http://www.beefinfo.org/
The Right hate gays, women enjoying sex, taxes and health care. The Left hate any kind of farming based on 20th century technology, large companies of any kind and activities which might b e enjoyable.
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It seems as though both sides are out to suppress any activities that might be enjoyable for anybody except themselves…
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Wow! All these years I’ve been a vegetarian and never even knew it. Cool!
I like the way you and your husband think.
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There you go – it’s the New Vegetarianism! 😉
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Your husband is a wise man. Besides, I gave in to the idea that I would die of own stupidity years ago.
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Yeah, my hopes are fading for that ambition, too. Seems like the longer I live, the more varieties of stupidity I find to test-drive.
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Hmm, I think nutritionists everywhere will be clamoring to recruit your husband to their practices. Of course, what they’ll do to him once he gets there is anybody’s guess…
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LOL! Yep, I visualize a struggling, swearing sack being manhandled out the back door and dumped in the nearest river…
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Spoken like a true writer.
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😀
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Yeah, except grass is not a vegetable…
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Eh, technicalities. Grains and cereals are healthy, too, right?
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You know what? Just eat whatever makes you happy 😀
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Excellent advice! 🙂
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Going out to dinner tonight with friends visiting from out of town. Maybe, I will order prime rib — your Hubby’s rationale seems logical to me. Especially, for tonight.
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Ah, the best thing about having logic on your side is knowing when to use it… 😉
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