I Survived V-Day!

/ Diane Henders

It’s probably not what you’d expect to hear from a married woman, but I’m happy to have made it through Valentine’s Day.

It’s not that I had overblown expectations, or that I was worried about potential disappointment.  Valentine’s Day has never been a big deal for Hubby or me.  We exchange cards and go out for a nice dinner, and that’s about it.

No, the true reason for my post-V-Day euphoria is this:  I made it through our meal unscathed.

It’s not what you think.

I’m not dieting or on the wagon, so I wasn’t fighting food/alcohol guilt.

I wasn’t anxious about dining etiquette.  I’m sufficiently domesticated that I don’t attract undue attention in a nice restaurant (at least not when I choose to summon up my table manners, which I should probably do a lot more frequently).

I might, perhaps, have a small social phobia left over from the time I donned my coat with a flourish in a fancy restaurant and knocked an entire pitcher of ice water off a ledge.  And the ice water might possibly have landed on some other diners…

But that was a few decades ago and I’ve (almost) recovered from that.

I wasn’t even dreading the fact that I’d have to wear something other than my usual jeans and hiking boots.   Believe it or not, I actually dressed up without whining.  Alert the media!

No; mine was a more primal fear:  The fear of pain.

And I’m proud to say I didn’t hurt myself through sheer gluttony.

I’d like to pretend that’s a joke, but it’s not.

Last year I actually physically injured myself.  I stuffed in a magnificent meal and waddled out cradling my distended belly.  Then I bent to get in the car and… pop!  One of those horrible noises you hear in your gut instead of with your ears, and a lightning-bolt of pain.

Most normal people would put their backs out bending to get in a car.  Not I.  I’m ashamed to say my stomach was so full I snapped something (cartilage, muscle, who knows?) on my bottom rib.  It took a couple of weeks before I could bear to lie on that side, and a couple of months for the pain to go away completely.

Honestly, I didn’t think it was possible to damage my skeletal structure with too much food.  Give myself a stomach ache, sure; maybe rupture my gut if I really went overboard; but blow a rib…?  I guess I’m just special.

Anyway, a few days ago we went back to the scene of the crime.  And I bravely threw myself on the live grenade that is their menu – I had bread and an appetizer and an entrée and dessert.  But I had two glasses of wine instead of the single one I had last year, and I’m convinced the subsequent relaxation was what prevented me from hurting myself again.

At least that’s going to be my excuse whenever I need to justify drinking an extra glass:  Safety first!

Ah, the sacrifices I make…  *sighs and assumes expression of courageous and noble martyrdom*

So whew.  Made it through V-Day.

Anybody else have a V-Day survival story?

32 thoughts on “I Survived V-Day!”

  2. Oh my Lord, I overeat all the time, especially when it includes pasta and/or garlic (I am Italian after all). Your story may just help me to stop before I pop a button next time. See that, you’ve helped others. 😉

    My hubby and I usually go to the state fair every year on Valentine’s Day. Isn’t a bit cold for a fair, you ask? We live in Florida. We don’t celebrate it as V-day, we just go have fun. Unfortunately, this was the first year we missed in a long time. Both of us had health issues. Aging now interrupts days like V-day, so I’m glad we never really celebrated it to begin with. Glad you didn’t have a repeat this year. Sounded like a nice V-day this time.

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    • Mmmm, now I’m hungry for pasta and garlic! But I’m glad to hear I’ve done my civic duty for the day. I may never manage to serve as a good example, but at least I can be a horrible warning. 🙂

      I’m sorry you missed your V-Day tradition this year – I hope you’re back in action soon!

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  3. I’m pretty sure that the real reason your rib popped was because you were trying to lift a car off an accident victim stuck underneath, right?

    Glad to hear that you made it through this V-Day unscathed. Unfortunately, my V-Day wasn’t quite as exciting. Hubs caught the 24-hour stomach flu and was down for the count. So I had a romantic dinner with the cats. No rib popping, though.

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    • Yeah, that’s it! I was injured when I undertook a heroic act…

      That sucks that your Hubs was under the weather – that stomach flu is no fun. But at least you had your fur family. I bet they gave you lots of kisses and cuddles to make up for it. 🙂

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  4. Egads Diane! That type of distress sounds pretty bad. Ever had it checked with a doc? Glad you survived it and got better for sure. When I was younger and the kids were at home I used to go all out on all the holidays. My kids were so impressed with thoughtful Mom, I simply gushed with all the mushy stuff. Now that I’m older and they have their own families they are on their own! I seriously could care less. Hubby and I pass each other in the hallway on Valentines Day and look at each other then Hrummmph something that sounds sweet and that’s it! Easter, Mom’s Day, Dad’s Day, pretty much most of the smaller holidays (smaller?) we do the same thing. Now my kids are stuck with being “thoughtful Mom’s” etc. and I get a big kick out of it when I hear the complaints about what all they have to do to get ready for it. LOLOL! Yep, now they know that it doesn’t just fall out of the sky and land on the tables etc. Of course you are still young enough and pretty enough and…….well, I better let the rest of that thought go. hahaha After 51 years of married combat it’s time to pass the torch on to who ever wants to carry it. Hallmark has increased their profit margin through me enough!

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    • LOL! I get such a kick out of your great lines: “Married combat”! After 51 years, you must be doing something right – congratulations!

      And thank you for that “young and pretty” comment – that makes me feel better about the big 5-0 snapping at my heels. Might be time to buy a new motorcycle and get on with my mid-life crisis…

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      • “that makes me feel better about the big 5-0 snapping at my heels.”

        Never fear. I once thought about the “big 5-0” and said it was all on the down hill now. After another 20 passing by and my memories are giving me more and more chuckles, I realize that it’s not all going on the downhill, it’s just that I can see the Summit more clearly and actually, it looks beautiful. BTW, I’m taking your books with me! It’s in the paperwork! LOL

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  5. Gad, that’s great, Diane! If nobody’s told you today that you absolutely rock, please allow me to be the first! Great story.

    There have been some fairly memorable V-Days for me. Memorable as in I’d REALLY like for them not to have happened. Bottom line here is I just forgot. Busy at work, schedule overloaded, yada yada. Certainly valid excuses, but not NEARLY valid enough!

    Oh, the horrible, reprehensible VILENESS of it all. I’d gladly have suffered a broken leg, much less a sprung-rib-whatever! 🙂

    Did good this year, though! For the last few years I’ve set every calendar popup and alarm thingy I own with reminders, and my office is a hundred yards from a Hallmark Gold Crown store. Not only do I love my job, I love where my office is! 🙂

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    • Aha – location, location, location! I have all sorts of reminders set, too, and so far I’ve managed to deliver a card every year. But sometimes it’s been a close call. Fortunately Hubby doesn’t really get wound up about that kind of thing. And we have been known to just look at each other and go, “Nah, let’s go out next week instead, when it’s not crowded.” We’re such geeks… 😉

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  6. After reading your Valentine’s Day history and Murray Brewster’s comment I nearly broke a rib laughing so hard.

    My only memorable moment with a flourish was the only time I went out with friends to a club where there was polka dancing. This was so unhip even then (the late 1070’s) and a far longer drive than all the clubs with popular music, but who cares. Another curious aspect of the club was that it had no liquor license and so you brought your own booze and they provided the mixers and glassware. I had no repertoire of polka dance moves but that wasn’t going to stop us. I was wearing a dress made from a 1930’s pattern which was supposed to be wide at the shoulders and narrow at the hip in a wrap-front style and I sported a pair of platform pumps with a clunky 4″ heel. There i was, in the antithesis of normal polka attire yet also not quite appropriate to my curvaceous figure type. We were all having a fabulous time. Each song required a new step to learn. I was kicking up my heels high with wild abandon and my foot came down sans shoe. It flew high over the crowded dance floor and landed on a table full of drinks and bottles of booze, splashing and scattering glass shards at everyone nearby. No Cinderella moment to be sure.

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  8. Oh you win. Pop a rib from overeating? You da master. I love the “flourish” incidents. I have a friend who is known for them. At a party she threw for herself, she had a whole counter full of wine glasses ready for the pour, and popped the champagne with a flourish–which is to say, not into a towel–and it went off the bottom of the top cabinets and back to the counter and back up and back down and back up and took out every SINGLE one of those glasses, and I will be grateful to her always for that memory.

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  11. Ouch, Diane! That’s one belly ache I never want to have!
    I’ve cancelled Valentine’s from this year on, so I’ll use that as my survival story… it was just a normal day this year. Pretty much like it is every year, actually, but without the stigma attached… Glad you enjoyed your day though… and survived!!!

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    • Thanks, Tom! And if you’re searching for a good reason to cancel Valentine’s Day next year, you can just return to this post – it’s clear evidence that Valentine’s Day is hazardous to your health. Safety first! 😉

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  12. Wow! I didn’t know that was even possible. I mean, I’ve over-eaten to the point of pain before, but usually I just throw up. Busting a rib is a new one on me. I’m impressed!

    Um, if I were you I’d be very careful with some of those belly dancing moves. Just sayin’…

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  13. That’s a new one for me! In fact, maybe I should use you as a case study in a medical write-up. 😉

    Gone are the days where I stuff myself at restaurants. Too much suffering involved. Why, oh why could we eat midnight pizzas and chili con queso when we were 22 and not feel a thing, but to do so now would put us into a coma? Not to mention add five pounds. Life is not fair.

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    • Isn’t that the truth? Youth is wasted on the young…

      Yeah, I have no idea what I actually did – of course I didn’t go and get it checked. But I’ve got pretty strong core muscles, so it might have just been something to do with the way I bent while trying to support ‘way too much food with my stomach muscles. 🙂

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