Happiness Is A Warm Gun

/ Diane Henders

I’m worried.

Being the cynical geek I am, I was sure Big Brother was watching us long before the “news” broke about the NSA and PRISM.  No surprise there.

That’s why ever since I started writing the Never Say Spy series, I’ve joked semi-seriously that I’m probably on a no-fly list somewhere.  Anyone watching my browsing habits will know I spend a disturbing amount of time researching untraceable poisons, the characteristics of C4 and other explosives, sonic grenades, Tasers and stun guns, specifications and ballistics tables for firearms, and a host of other unsavoury topics.

Throw in my YouTube viewing history of martial arts, shooting techniques, self-defence against knives and guns, military training videos, and some other odds and sods that are definitely non-typical for your average middle-aged female viewer.

Then add my frequent searches on computer networks, hacking, cracking, and encryption, and I just bet they’re watching me.

Meanwhile, and (until this morning) completely unrelated to this… I’m a big music fan.  I love just about all genres, and, as I’ve mentioned before, my MP3 player contains everything from rock to reggae to ragtime, country to classical, metal to Motown, pop to polkas, blues to barbershop harmony.  But (*gasp*) I’ve never been a huge Beatles fan.

Sure, I like their music, and I respect their impact on the music scene, but I’ve never actually gotten around to buying an album.  So yesterday I thought, “Hmm.  What kind of self-professed music lover doesn’t have a single Beatles song on her MP3 player?  Maybe I’d better go and buy an anthology.”

So off to Amazon I went, and I found a remastered 2-disc set that looked good.  I checked the track list and discovered the song “Happiness Is A Warm Gun”.  I’d never heard of it before.  So I played the preview, then messed around a bit and got distracted.  And forgot about the whole thing.

Until a mere 18 hours later.

Sometimes I like to get out and do some new things and meet new people (bear with me; I’ll establish the relevance of this momentarily).  So I belong to a couple of Meetup groups.  They send me updates on upcoming events.

Here’s what I found in my Inbox this morning:

email

What the hell are the chances of that?

My idea of getting a Beatles album was completely off-the-cuff.  I went to Amazon and clicked on the first Beatles album in the list without any conscious selection process; I’d never even heard of this song before yesterday; and I arbitrarily chose to listen to its preview instead of any of several other songs that were unfamiliar to me.

And within 18 hours, I get an invitation with the very same title?!?

And what are the chances of two different Meetup group organizers emailing me on the same day about gun-related activities?  I just joined this group.  They shouldn’t have any way of knowing I like to shoot.

I thought the alien butt sensors and the NSA were bad, but now I’m totally creeped out.

Who else is watching me?  I don’t know, but I’m suspicious of the jackrabbit that’s been living under the spruce tree in our front yard.  He has a shifty expression…

43 thoughts on “Happiness Is A Warm Gun”

  1. Pingback: Only In My World | Diane Henders

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  3. The “cookie” monster will get you every time. NSA isn’t about foreign terrorists who blow things up, it is about domestic terrorists who peacefully demonstrate. They were scooping all the data well before 9/11 and the Patriot Act but still “didn’t know about” the Saudi hijacker plot or closer to home “the Boston Bombers plot”. You are safe.

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  4. A side comment, but I don’t really care for the Beatles either. Not even so much don’t care for them, I’m just not psycho into them like everyone else I seem to know. Makes me think about other things we keep quiet for fear of being ridiculed/stunning our friends/the big chill. Things like the Bee Gees, which I love. Strawberry bunny milk, which I love (Got me through a kidney stone bout!) And Charlies Angels. And root beer floats. And I kid you not, today I said a sentence that you just never think you’ll say ‘Get the assault rifle off the bed! I want to take a nap) Oh yes, naps. Another guilty pleasure. Maybe there’s a blog entry there Diane!

    MA

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    • “Get the assault rifle off the bed” – hahaha! Yep, you’re right; that’s one of those things you just never expect to say. I’ll admit to curling up for a nap next to a pile of warm laundry fresh out of the dryer, and a sunbeam on the floor is a nap magnet for me (maybe I’m part feline). And if we’re doing “true confessions”, I took disco dancing lessons once upon a time… 😉

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  6. Now we have to be worried about Jack rabbits too???
    Oh wait! Phew! I’m in Malaysia…most of the time people really do get away with murder here….so the police are probably policing by watching YouTube themselves! hehehe…sigh..

    I hope it was just a wonderful Universal synchronicity 🙂

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  7. I have decided that I will not officially begin to worry about your sanity until I see you wearing tinfoil on your head. You my friend are a freaking riot!!!

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  9. Diane, you and I are on the same, or similar wavelengths. Or something.
    A moment ago, I was browsing You Tube, looking for songs by the Mamas and the Papas. Songs found, I delved deeper, looking for other songs from around that period. Any song. Any singer. Just looking. Not typing or searching, I mean. In my mind, I was wanting to see what I thought was called ‘Where are the Clowns?’, and from the Mamas and the Papas I clicked on a link for Judy Collins singing ‘Both Sides Now’… from there, there was a featured link to ‘Send in the Clowns’… the song I was thinking of.
    Something tells me that search histories aren’t the only things being monitored nowadays. I never knew Judy Collins sang either of these songs, yet found what I wanted in one click, without searching.
    Have you patented your tinfoil helmet yet?
    (Also due to circumstances beyond my control, this may end up in your spam, which I hope it doesn’t. In fact, I’m THINKING it to post correctly..)

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    • Well done, Tom, you made it into the comments! Welcome back to blogland! And hmmm, it does sound as though YouTube was reading your mind. I guess we could get out the tinfoil helmets, but then look at all the cool YouTube videos we’d miss. 😉

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  10. Oy, that IS creepy! I do weird searches too for my subtitling-gig. While doing it I also wonder what the odds are I am on a watch list. So far I managed to get through US security, so it cannot be that bad haha.

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  11. I think it’s time you get out the tinfoil helmet…

    I do worry about what someone would think if they saw my browser history, especially when I’m researching things for my antagonist (who happens to be a killer…). I hope that they would see I write books and put two and two together!

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  12. Glad to know a fellow “The Beatles are good, but I don’t worship them” music lover. 🙂 I thought I was the only one.

    I also identify with your search habits. My internet searches are so “unconventional” that even I would spy on me. That is, if I was into visually spying on people. As it is, I just like to eavesdrop. 😉 Makes for great fiction fodder.

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  15. It’s the bots. The bots are everywhere. No one is safe from their prying robo-eyes!

    Also, I’m pretty sure most writers are on the NSA’s watch list. Occupational hazard. 😉

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    • LOL! Yeah, if that’s not a motivation for pre-published writers to finish their manuscripts, I don’t know what is. At least if you can wave a finished novel under their noses, there’s some chance the authorities will let you off the hook. That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.

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    • I’m not sure they’re really shocked. It’s embarrassing to be confronted by evidence when you were cheerfully pretending something wasn’t happening, so the only viable response is to act shocked.

      But the bunnies have friends… lots and lots of friends… be afraid… *cue creepy music* 😉

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  18. LOL! Love it, love it, love it! Your thinking is “SO” this household. My hubby and I both do the odd ball browsing thing too and we have laughed often about the chances that we would be on a list somewhere that “bears watching”. Even tho we are in our 70’s our thinking isn’t so I’m convinced that down the line we will be considered the ancient ones in our family. (with a good back wind maybe even Immortal? That could be fun.)By that time all the watch lists will be too crowded to bother with us. We also think alike about the Beatles and I haven’t heard of that song either. I’ll have to search it and listen.
    Way too much coincidence about the e-mails. There must be mystical factors involved. I have a feeling that you will definitely check it out.

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