Peer pressure is a terrible thing. I’ve been successfully resisting it for months, but my resolve has slowly eroded under the relentless burden of my readers’ expectations. So here it is; the post you’ve (apparently) all been waiting for: “We’re All Free! And Naked!”
Don’t look at me like that. Hell, I don’t know what I’m talking about, either.
“We’re all free! and naked!” has been the top search phrase that has brought people to my blog ever since I posted “We’re All Naked” back in January. (If you’ve just arrived here because you searched “We’re all free! and naked!”, I’ll apologize in advance – “We’re All Naked” does include a link to some mostly-obscured YouTube nudity, but unless you’re turned on by drunk hairy naked guys singing scatological lyrics, it’s probably not what you’re looking for.)
Back to the topic at hand: Since January, “We’re all free! and naked!” has brought people here four times more often than my next most popular search term (my name). And every week, the numbers keep going up.
I ignored the phenomenon for several months, afraid of what I might find if I delved into it too deeply. I assumed it was just a temporary aberration, but it’s still there. Still far and away the top search phrase that brings people to my blog.
When I finally gathered sufficient courage to search it myself, the search engines only returned a link to my own post, “We’re All Naked”. So what the hell is everybody looking for? I know I hold the dubious distinction of being the top search engine result for “Polar Bear Sex Club”, but at least I did actually use those words.
‘Free and naked’, not so much. But it’s gotta be something pretty specific. Even the punctuation is the same, over and over and over.
So if you got here by searching “We’re All Free! And Naked!”, I’m sorry I can’t be of more help. If you’re looking for nudie pictures, you’ll be sorely disappointed. (Though probably not as disappointed as if I’d actually posted some. Trust me, you don’t want to see that.)
My books have some hot scenes in them, but somehow I suspect that’s not what you’re looking for, either.
If you’re looking for support for a cause, I’m all for freedom and I have no particular objection to nudity, unless it’s my own nudity. In that case, I have to apply all sorts of caveats involving protection from sunshine, rain, snow, wind, bug bites, allergy-producing plants, prickly foliage, splintery wood, hot/cold/sharp objects, overly interested observers, and a plethora of other conditions that essentially limit my nudity to “indoors in privacy”.
Anyway, if you’re one of the folks who came looking for something else, and if you’re still reading, I’m sorry you didn’t find what you’re looking for. But welcome anyway. Who knows, if you look around here a bit, you might get a chuckle or two for your trouble.
And please tell me what you were really looking for. If that many people are searching for it, it must be good.
Hope you find it…
Author Diane Henders 
Pingback: Googling Bear Naked | Diane Henders
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One good thing about getting old – no peer pressure.
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LOL! True indeed.
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I did a post on nerds and plastic pocket protectors and gets a lot of hits but one I did on drawing expressions simple line sketches for cartoon faces gets most.
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Oh, now I have to rush over to your blog and find that one! My stick men could use some work… 😉
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Having just finished the 6 books, I have to read everything else available! Suffering withdrawals from the fab. characters!! Love beer, it is a health beverage in moderation, have a super hubby like you, & at 61 have taken up bass guitar to play with him & friends,( we did some open mikes), & still can scuba, backpack etc., so really relate to the middle age energy you portray. Thanks so much!
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Welcome, Sally – I’m so glad you enjoyed the books! It’s great to hear that there are young 60s like you and your hubby out there kicking butt. And that’s so cool that you’ve taken up bass guitar and have the guts to play in public – I wish I had that kind of talent.
Thanks for dropping by and commenting – I post some nonsense here every Wednesday, so I hope I’ll “see” you again! 🙂
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Amazing author accessibility! 🙋 Your posts etc. will be part of my routine, so refreshing & funny thanks. Spreading the word to friends! Impressive bruises – shades of Ayden! 💪 Cheers, Sally
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Thanks, Sally – I really appreciate you spreading the word! (The bruises are much more colourful now – all yellow and green and black. Variety is the spice of life, right?) 😉
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I came here from a link on your Blog page simply out of curiosity. Loved it. I need more laughs in my day and to read comments from a woman who is comfortable with herself is a treasured find. Think I’ll come back more often. This tells me real people still do exist.
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Thanks – I’m glad you got a kick out of it! I write a bit of nonsense every Wednesday, so I hope to see you again. 🙂
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I honestly want to know too! Let us know once you investigate it ..okay? and I love that ““naked machete wielding motorcyclist with fanny pack”..actually showed your blog..LOL!
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So far there’s been an upsurge of traffic coming to this post, but nobody has left me a comment to let me know what they’re looking for. Maybe they’re too embarrassed to admit it! 😉
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I am sending a complaint to Google. When I’m searching for “free and naked” I don’t like being diverted to a page with intellectual content. These deceptive practices need to stop now!
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LOL! Go get ’em! On the up side, that’s the first time anybody’s ever classified this blog as “intellectual”…
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I think I’m going to Google “naked machete wielding motorcyclist with fanny pack” and see if I can get to your blog that way.
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LOL! It seems extremely likely…
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I just tested it. Yours was the first link that came up! 😀
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Well, how about that. Am I good or what? (Don’t answer that). 😉
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It could be worse….they could be googling Santorum. 🙂
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This is true…
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I imagine there is a lot of disappointment that there is no nudity here, but beer and Harleys can make up for a lot. And you’re not so bad, either.
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Aw, thanks! 🙂
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Most people seem to find me because they are looking for something on Montezuma. Not very exciting, at least not as exciting as your search terms 😉
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What, you mean they’re not searching “naked Montezuma drinking beer”? 😉
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Huh. I googled “naked beer-drinking martial artists on motorcycles,” and here I am…
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Bahahaha! That’s fabulous! Hey, I hope some of them drop around here soon. Buff naked guys on motorcycles can’t be bad. Especially if they bring beer. 😉
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I avoid looking at that stuff. None of it makes sense. I think people set up scripts just to do these sort of searches so they can drive normal people mad.
Mind you … Polar bear sex club … not that’s got to get a lot of hits 🙂
Cheers!
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That’s gotta be it. They’re just messing with my mind. What there is left of it…
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I Googled free Naked beer, and it brought me here. 🙂
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Right ON! Doesn’t get much better than free naked beer! 😀
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Now that is funny. I have no idea how people find my blog or even why. I get hits from about 50 countries every month and assume all the 1 hit, 2 hits and 3 hits are accidents. Where do you look to see what search words they used?
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In WordPress, the site analysis is available under a Dashboard link. I don’t know about Blogger, but I think you have to use an add-on to get that level of detail. When I searched it, I found this: http://statcounter.com/blogger/
It’s fun to see how people are finding me – I have such a schizophrenic tag mix that the search terms are all over the place. My name is the next most frequent search, but “Harley Fatboy” is #3 in popularity. So…. nudity, me, and motorcycles. Hmmm.
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