I used to be able to count on spammers to tell me what a marvelous writer I am. Every day I’d get dozens of compliments about my wonderful colour schemes, my mastery of writing, and my expertise in the subject area. To the spammers, I was a demigod.
In fact, I was so good I even got compliments from beyond the grave: “You are an excellent wrteir even if I have thought your writing seems sad sometimes! I am so glad you are honest! The truth will set you free, is true! I love you and I am so blessed to be your Mom!”
Wow, thanks, Mom. I’m amazed at your mastery of the keyboard even after you’ve been dead for thirty years. Does this mean you’re coming for Sunday dinner?
Okay, so I was pretty sure that last one was from a spammer, but still. It’s flattery, right? It’s all good.
Only lately I’ve noticed a subtle and disturbing change. I mean, I still get “an amazing article dude” and “This really designed my day” and “Wow, fantastic blog fmroat!”. That’s all fine and dandy. But some of the comments are veering into ambiguity: “This blog is just as well cool to become missed”.
Um, thanks… I think…
Or how about this one: “A hilariously complex write-up”. Is “hilariously complex” a good thing or a bad thing?
But a couple of weeks ago, the comments took a turn for the worse: “My brother suggested I might like this website. He used to be entirely right.”
So what are you trying to say? He was always right before, but this time he was wrong and you hated my website?
And then it got ugly:
“I have to say that Im really unpisresmed with this. I mean, sure, youve got some very interesting points. But this blog is just really lacking in something. Maybe its content, maybe its just the design. I dont know. But its almost like you wrote this because everybodys doing it. No passion at all.”
And
“Hello, you used to write magnificent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring”
And
“of course like your website however you have to test the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome”
And
“why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your weblog when you could be giving us something informative to read?”
Wow, what a tumble from my previous exalted position. I guess that’s just the price of fame. Sooner or later, your fans turn on you.
Spammers never fail to make me laugh. It’s fine if commenters respectfully disagree with me, but I can’t believe these idiots think I’d leave gratuitous insults posted, or (even more improbable) that I’d click on a link attached to an insult.
Isn’t spamming all about getting people to click on your links?
Repeat after me: S-T-U-P-I-D; stupid.
But despite the chuckles, I must say I’m unpisresmed with the trend. Someday it’ll be “Click on this link or we’ll send Guido and Luigi over with the baseball bats”.
The day I get that comment, I’m outta here.
Is anybody else still getting spam love? Or are the spammers turning on you, too?
Author Diane Henders 
Pingback: This Poop Requires Cultured Decoding | Diane Henders
I got one that was lengthy and literary enough to merit its own reposting — what you’d get if you farmed James Joyce out to a Malaysian call center, or something. The creative genius of the spam astounded me, and I’m pretty sure it was computer generated. Maybe the singularity already happened and we all missed it?
http://wp.me/pJmEd-Dz
LikeLike
Wow, that was a good one! Lately I’ve gotten a couple where their spam machine didn’t work properly – instead of the “finished” spam product, I got the base program version where none of the variables had been filled. It made for interesting reading too – paragraphs of text punctuated by field codes. As a geek, I thought it was rather sloppily done – I could write much better spam than that. 🙂
LikeLike
You spelled STUDIP wrong. That’s because you’re so stipdu. I used to love your blog, but lately it’s been, you know, pretty stidup. I’m not even going to leave a link, because I doubt you’re smtar enough to click it.
LikeLike
LOL! There’s a promising career for you out there as a spammer. I hear RudeSpamIzUs is hiring… 😀
LikeLike
LOL. Yeah, I get tons of spam, but thankfully askimet does a good job of getting rid of it. One of my favorites was “I so lick your blog.” I wasn’t really sure if that was a good thing or not!
Cheers!
LikeLike
Yes, I love Askimet. Almost none of the spam leaks through, but I always check through the filters because every now and then one of my regular commenters ends up there (not sure why).
I think I’d be disturbed by the knowledge that someone was licking my blog. That’s carrying the fandom thing just a little too far. 🙂
LikeLike
Hilarious! I love the brother one, especially! I need to take another look at my spam. I was thinking the Temple of the Jedi have forgotten about me, but their threats might have ended up in my spam by accident.
LikeLike
Right, I’d forgotten about your Jedi connection! Better check your spam…
LikeLike
Wow, I had no idea spam could be so unkind and judgmental. What’s their deal? Why so harsh? Maybe it’s because you never replied to their original comments? My spam is all of the “Buy these shoes from this site” variety. I don’t get any of these interactive spam comments. But they need to ease up on you, I think your blog is the shiz-nit.
LikeLike
Aw, thanks! 🙂 I expect these poor spammers just weren’t cuddled enough as children. That’s gotta be it. I’m pretty sure that sort of thing leads to leaving scathing comments about “too many videos” on a blog that doesn’t contain a single video. Slightly delusional, perhaps, but at least it gave me a chuckle.
LikeLike
I used to get those spams that made me feel like I was the best blogger ever! Now though it’s just some random spam dude / dudette telling me I need some SEO stuff…or something…they make it so impersonal! 😦
I just spammed one comment that the great Askimet let through…it did tell me I could become the best tarot card reader ever!
LikeLike
Well, there you go. Nothing like a vote of confidence from a random stranger, is there? Heartwarming! 🙂
LikeLike
I too have been the recipient of insulting spam. The comments may not be real, but the pain is.
LikeLike
They just don’t realize that it wounds us to our very core…
LikeLike
Early in my blogging career (ten months ago), I wrote a post (March 2012) about how I got more spam than comments. My two favorites were (and are):
1. Koborowie karmiono obficie wystepuja jedynie podejrzana sprawa stala nie odnotowywano wiekszego komplementu z wytworzeniem.
2. Hi there, just became aware of your weblog via Google, and identified that it really is truly informative. I am going to watch out for Brussels.
Sadly, I never kept up with Koborowie and Brussels and wonder what happened to them. Did they find success or love or… Brussels? Did they get reunited on Survivor, Spammer Edition? Did they avoid getting fired by Donald Trump on Spammer Apprentice?
So many spammers; so little time.
LikeLike
Hey, I got the “Brussels” thing, too! But my spammer said only “I’m gonna watch out for brussels”. At the time, I thought perhaps he simply had an antipathy toward miniature cabbages, but clearly it was some sort of secret message to identify outstanding bloggers like you and me (and mark us for future valuable communications).
Wouldn’t you say? 🙂
LikeLike
Brussels equals brilliance. Absolutely!
LikeLike
ROFL! I used to love spam too, but somehow I don’t get any anymore. I won’t worry about it, since you detected a change of trend. 😉
LikeLike
No, it’s definitely not quite as enjoyable as it used to be. I shall be forced to switch from accepting the compliments as gospel truth to pooh-poohing the insults as “mere spam”. Sigh.
LikeLike
I don’t get spam love at all, so consider your self lucky! 🙂
LikeLike
No spam love… how sad… how do you manage to maintain your self-esteem? 🙂
LikeLike
Actually, Guido has already spammed me. If I remember correctly, he threatened to hack my site if I didn’t give him a donation of some sort via paypal. Sorry, Guido, but you just can’t intimidate a girl who grew up in Jersey with threats like that.
LikeLike
You’re kidding – what a slimeball! Lucky you’re threat-proof.
LikeLike
😀
LikeLike
I don’t get spam. I did, however, have a stalker, someone I rather miss now, who spoke in bizarre rhymes and capital letters…
Good ol’ “Dusty”. I wonder where he is now…
Pearl
LikeLike
Bizarre rhymes and capital letters? Yikes! I’m not sure whether that’s interesting or just creepy. And you don’t get spam? That’s amazing – Blogger must deal with spam a lot differently than WordPress.
Thanks for popping by and commenting!
LikeLike
Do you know Diane, that you aren’t ranking as high as you can be with your weblog? You should use some designer boots to blend with your magnificent colour scheme – did you make it yourself or is it one you obtained on line? I’ve bookmarked this page to return to later, I’m so glad my college advised me to be in visitation with you.
I used to find spam funny, but it’s wore a bit thin with me now – but it is excellent to make fun of! 😀 Fun post!!!
LikeLike
Wow, Tom, thanks! I knew should have bought those designer boots! You just made me laugh until I choked. I’m so glad you came to be in visitation with me.
LikeLike
Ah… sorry about the choking there…
LikeLike
S’aright – it was well worth it. What’s a little choke between friends? 🙂
LikeLike
I’m still in the honeymoon phase and all the spam has me on cloud nine, sure it won’t last , but I’ll ride the wave! Funny post! I just followed your blog,too! And can I say in the words of the spammers: “Must excellent blug u got there! “
LikeLike
LOL! Thank you – and thanks for commenting and following! 🙂
LikeLike
Welcome, I love funny blogs and yours had me laughing out loud!
LikeLike
Whoa. Smack spam. I’m impressed. I’m going to have to start reading mine more carefully before I hit delete–no telling what gems I’m missing. *grin*
LikeLike
Yeah, ’cause we all need a little abuse every now and then. NOT! 🙂
LikeLike
My favorite recent one: “Magnificent site. A lot of helpful information here. I am sending it to a few buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you in your sweat!”
LikeLike
Eeeuw. I don’t even want to know what that means.
LikeLike
Lucky you! The spam I get is usually a single link repeated over and other. As if seeing the link 20 or 30 times in a row is gonna make me click on it (strength in numbers?).
LikeLike
Yep, that’s the answer. Just because I didn’t click on the first one doesn’t mean I won’t click on the 30th. After all, nobody ever accused me of being sane.
LikeLike
Hahahahahahahahaha brilliant!
LikeLike
Thanks! 🙂
LikeLike
Haha, loved this post–so funny and so true. I, too, have been plagued with some less-than-complimentary spam recently. I had one that said, “This post was good, but it could be better.” Ouch.
LikeLike
Nice. I particularly enjoy the ones that criticize my writing style and spelling in comments full of grammatical errors and bad spelling.
LikeLike
I know, right? The nerve of them…
LikeLike