Totally Freakin’ Inadequate

/ Diane Henders

I’m still on the road this week, and maybe my bad hotel karma has finally run its course, because my hotel in Regina didn’t feature hookers, cattle, or rappelling nudists.

It did, however, make me wonder who makes the purchasing decisions in the hospitality industry.  I stayed in a king suite at a nice hotel (not on my own dime – you know I’m too cheap for that).  But despite the upscale surroundings, I felt… cheated.  Because this hotel, like most I’ve stayed in recently, apparently purchased their supplies from the Totally Freakin’ Inadequate Supply Company.

The low-flow shower head was so pathetic I had to stand under it for five minutes before I at last felt a trickle of water on my scalp.  Granted, I have long, thick hair, and it usually takes a few seconds before anything penetrates.  Some would argue that nothing ever penetrates, but that’s another story.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually quite rabid about conserving water.  I grew up on a farm where every drop of potable water was trucked in.  Most people think “bath night” is a tale from the dark ages, but on our farm, it meant two inches of water in the bottom of the bathtub.  The cleanest person went first, the dirtiest last.  I’m not even going to describe what the water looked like by the time five bodies had gone through.

But I digress.  My point is, I fully agree with water conservation, but you have to apply some logic.  It takes X amount of water to wash your hair.  If X is supplied in five minutes, that’s fine.  But if it takes ten minutes to supply X, you’ll be standing there for ten minutes.  You’re not saving water, you’re just wasting time.

The lighting underwhelmed me, too.  There are lots of good options available for compact fluorescent bulbs.  Sadly, the hotel didn’t choose any of them.  When I flipped the switch, nothing happened.  I assumed I’d hit the wrong switch, so I tried the other one.  Still nothing.  At last, the light flickered to life with a series of seizure-inducing flashes.  Not inadequate once it got going, but definitely disturbing.

The toilet paper was totally freakin’ inadequate.  They think they’re saving money by buying cheaper toilet paper?  I could see through the stuff.  Trust me, nobody is ever going to use only three squares of single-ply, micron-thin toilet paper.  Ever.

The towels, too, failed the adequacy test.  At home, I call that size a “hand towel”.  That’s because it fits hands nicely.  Not bodies.  At least, not this body.

But what do I know?  Maybe their target market is bald, constipated midgets with excellent night vision and no tendency toward epilepsy.  It’s all about niche marketing these days.

So here’s my question.  Why spend money on high quality furnishings, and then cheap out on the things that, frankly, guests notice more than the tub and tile?  Half price is nice, but there’s no actual cost saving when you have to use twice as much.  And it annoys the hell out of the folks like me.

But maybe I’m just cranky because my fingers went through the toilet paper.  Again.

Sorry for my tardiness in responding to comments this week.  I’m helping my step-mom after her breast cancer surgery, and I haven’t had much time for blogging or visiting anybody else’s blogs, either.  I hope to be back to my usual routine soon.  Thanks for sticking with me!  🙂

17 thoughts on “Totally Freakin’ Inadequate”

  1. What a hoot! I didn’t know you wrote this as I just started blogging in 2012. At least we didn’t have an experience like my wife. When she was working for the Ministry of Forests and had to go to Wells, BC, the locals told her to bring her own towels as the ones in the room were far from usable.

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  2. My writing and sense of humor has been likened to the 3 squares single-ply micro thin toilet paper – -also totally inadequate. At least you didnt have to put op with rappelling nude cattle having epileptic seizures. . .never mind. See what I mean?

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  3. I always find that nice, thick bath towels will make up for several inadequacies in a hotel room. And those tiny shampoo bottles drive me crazy. Wouldn’t a dispenser be cheaper for the hotel and less frustrating for the guests? Let’s add these things to the list of problems to be fixed when we take over, Diane. Meanwhile, I hope your step-mom is doing better.

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  5. I stayed in a hotel in Birmingham once where the revolving door broke down on the same day as the lift… I was staying on the sixteenth floor (three flights of stairs to a floor), I finally crawled to my room, and found that the card key thing wouldn’t work. I had to go all the way back down to reception to get it activated, and then climb all the way back up again to finally get into the room. This hotel must have used the same suppliers you mention, Diane.
    I hope your step-mom is doing OK.

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  6. The lack of hookers and nudists should have been your first hint about the piles of inadequacy you were about to step into. What kind of hotel doesn’t have hookers and nudists? And they call themselves four star. Pfffff

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