I’ve just been reading a fascinating dialogue between Charles Gulotta at Mostly Bright Ideas (Better Left Unsaid, Part 1), and Priya at Partial View (Better Left Unsaid, Part 2). Go and read both posts, along with all the comments. It’s well worth it. I’ll wait.
Now that you’re back, here’s my two cents worth.
I was intrigued by the fact that both Priya and Charles seem to use the words “attraction” and “appreciation” interchangeably. I think there’s a fundamental difference between the two. Appreciation is window-shopping. It’s harmless, enjoyable, and free. Attraction is walking into the store to buy. Attraction can cost you big.
It doesn’t bother me a bit if my husband appreciates, or is attracted to, another woman, celebrity or otherwise. My husband and I are both geeks, so our minds work a little differently than the rest of the world.
Geeks believe that all issues can be resolved using a flowchart. Look below for my take on the whole “Better Left Unsaid” discussion, if you dare.
WARNING: Viewer discretion is advised. This flowchart reveals the horrifying inner workings of the geek mind. May cause warping, distension, or catastrophic failure of normal brains.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Author Diane Henders 
I like the flow chart! I’ll often write scripts, with the various characters each being one part of my mind. Then I try to capture the internal dialogue, whether it’s about lust, decision-making, or whatever. Thanks again.
LikeLike
Thanks for commenting – glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
LikeLike
My mind is too chaotic to follow the flow chart accurately, but I did skim it and got the general gist. I like where you ended up from where you began. I like to be happy and content, so I tend to work backwards from that point. That is, I try to understand what people are thinking and feeling based on what I am thinking and feeling when I exhibit the behavior they do. This helps me to understand what they are going through rather than getting irate or annoyed at their behavior. If this seems to lack sense it is because of the chaos inflicting my mind and preventing me from creating beautiful flow charts. But I sent a memo to Dilbert about it, and he IM’d that he will prepare a presentation for me and present it at the next staff meeting. You have to bring the donuts.
Disclaimer: This does not work in traffic!
LikeLike
Mmmm… donuts… mmmm… I knew there was a reason why I love flow charts!
LikeLike
I reach exactly the same conclusion in a tiny amount of time. I would love to think that the same flow chart applies, only faster (a gush chart?), but I think I’m just a little lazy. Still.
LikeLike
Right on, Murr. Actually, I did the same thing. I read the posts, and immediately went, “Yeah, no problem.” What took the time was figuring out *why* it was no problem. Hence the flow chart. But I’m a geek. It had to be done. 🙂
LikeLike
I finally get why flowcharts work 🙂
LikeLike
Beware the attraction of geekery… It’s too late for me, but you can still save yourself…
LikeLike
I love flowcharts of all sorts…and this one makes sense :). Sometimes we need stuff like this to get our head around things.
LikeLike
Thank you. I’m not sure whether it’s good or bad that this is the way my mind normally works… 🙂
LikeLike
Me I prefer bubbles to rectangles, but I enjoyed this and see where you’re coming from (and going to). 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Val. I enjoyed your take on the discussion, too.
FYI, Val’s post is here: http://absurdoldbird.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/who-do-you-love/
LikeLike
I love this, Diane: the situation in a nutshell!
Wendy
(an artsy geek)
LikeLike
Thank you! I tried to write it all in words, but I ended up with ponderous pedantic paragraphs. Try saying that five times fast.
(Or five times at all, for that matter). 🙂
LikeLike
What a great flow chart! I love that you took the time to outline your feelings, and potential feelings. Very “geeky” indeed. 🙂 And thankfully, it didn’t cause distention, but thanks for the warning.
To further comment upon a comment Charles left on his blog, before the link to yours, I think what we feel does change from moment to moment. In fact, I feel differently today than when I first commented on his post.
And your flow chart seems to allow for many variations of the human condition! Allowing room for whatever you’re feeling at the moment. Nicely done.
LikeLike
Thank you! I thought it was only fair to post a warning. Flow charts seem to stimulate the geek brain into happy Pavlovian drooling, but I’m sensitive to the fact that they cause an intense aversive response in others. 🙂
LikeLike
I like the omnipresent Yes and No too, Diane. They bring home the point that there is always another option, another perspective to look at. Thank you.
LikeLike
Thank you, Priya! Your responses to Charles were what inspired my flow chart. It was fun to see all the ways and reasons that we agree.
LikeLike
I admire you, Diane. My mind doesn’t have any rectangles or straight lines. I especially like that you have Yes and No emerging from each box. That reminds me of something essential that I failed to address in the post: I don’t always feel the same way. Something might not bother me today, but could very well annoy the life out of me tomorrow. That’s just another element in the complex world of relationships. But you have it figured out: You always end up at No problem. I think you should create a series of these flow charts and put them into a book.
LikeLike
Thanks, Charles! Isn’t it funny how our minds work? I’ve done “mind maps” with creative people, and I’m fascinated to see the complex, organic structures they create. Mine always look like, well, flow charts. Great for organization, not so great for creativity.
Maybe that’s why I keep piggy-backing on your blog posts – you have such wonderful creative ideas. Thanks for sharing them! Let me know if you get tired of me riding your coat-tails. 🙂
LikeLike