Fun FAQ

Do you know me?

Maybe…

If you don’t appreciate obscenity, profanity, or vulgarity, please stop reading right here.  The Diane Henders you know never uses offensive language.  At all.  Ever.  This is a simple case of mistaken identity.  Don’t read my books.  Don’t read anything else on this site.  There’s nothing to see here anyway.

Really.

Oh, and if you’re looking for a Diane Henders who owes you money, that’s not me, either.

What, you’re still reading?  Okay, then. You probably do know me.

* * *

What’s with the weasel words?

If you know me well, you probably read the item above and thought, “WTF?!?”.  Believe it or not, there are quite a few people in the world who’ve never actually heard me utter anything stronger than “crap” or “heck”.

Sometimes I restrain myself because I already know ripe language will upset them, and sometimes I hold back from sheer reflex because I don’t know them well enough to be sure (more on that here).  I’m not really two-faced.  Much.

I prefer to call it “considerate”.

* * *

Don’t you have an “About” page?

Yep.  Here you go.

* * *

Don’t you have a FAQ page for “real” questions?

Yep, got one of those, too:  Right here.

* * *

Are you writing about yourself, you pathetic narcissist?

People frequently ask if my protagonist, Aydan Kelly, is really me.

Yeah, you got me.  My novels are an autobiography of my secret life as a government agent, working with highly-classified computer technology…  Oh, wait, what’s that?  You want the truth?  Um, you do realize fiction authors get paid to lie, don’t you?

…well, shit, that’s not nearly as much fun.  It’s also a long story.

I swore I’d never write fiction.  “Too personal,” I said. “People read novels and automatically assume the author is talking about him/herself.”

Well, apparently I lied about the fiction-writing part.  One day, a story sprang into my head and wouldn’t leave.  The only way to get it out was to write it down.  So I did.

But when I wrote that first book, I never intended to show it to anyone, so I created a character that looked like me just to thumb my nose at the stereotype. I’ve always had a defective sense of humour, and this time it turned around and bit me in the ass.

Because after I’d written the third novel, I realized I actually wanted other people to read my books.  And when I went back to change my main character to not look like me, my beta readers wouldn’t let me. They rose up against me and said, “No! Aydan is a tall woman with long red hair and brown eyes. End of discussion!”

Jeez, no wonder readers get the idea that authors write about themselves.  So no, I’m not Aydan Kelly.  I just look like her.

I’m probably still a pathetic narcissist, though.

* * *

I couldn’t help but notice—and admire!—Aydan’s impressive potty mouth. Where on Earth did you learn those words?

I wish I’d had Aydan’s Uncle Roger to teach me the good stuff, but sadly, I had to learn it all on my own.

Let’s just say I had various unsavory sources.  And I’m a quick study – my mind seems to naturally retain filth.  I can recite three obscene limericks about testicles without a moment’s hesitation, but classic literary poetry?  Yeah, not so much.

I’d say I’m embarrassed to admit that, but you’d know I was lying.

* * *

Do you have a particular number of books in mind for the Never Say Spy series, or are you just going to see how long Aydan will keep talking to you?

I never intended to write a series, but every time I think I’m writing the last book, the next one starts banging at my mental doors.  I really have no idea how many books there are going to be.  I’m having a blast writing them, so I guess I’ll just keep going as long as the voices keep talking.

Everybody has voices in their heads, right?

…Right…?

* * *

Aydan, in her late(ish) forties, is a bit older than many kick-ass heroines. Was it a conscious decision to go with that, or is that just how she came to you?

Definitely a conscious decision.  I was having a major mid-life crisis.  Everywhere I looked, the media message was that if you’re female and pushing 50, you’d better get out the Depends and hope you have children to give meaning to your pathetic existence.

And I thought, “Give me a fucking break!”

I went looking for some fiction featuring kick-ass, sexy 40+ women, and I found… nothing.  Which is preposterous.  Middle age is when we actually have the attitude and confidence to go out and find what we want, and kick ass to get it if necessary.  So I wrote what I wanted to read.

* * *

Are Hellhound and Kane based on people in your real life? If so, can you introduce them to me? *waggles eyebrows*

Oh, don’t I wish?  I won’t say I’ve never encountered guys like them, but Hellhound and Kane aren’t based on anyone currently in my real life.  It’s probably a good thing – it might complicate matters with Hubby…

* * *

Aydan has some *cough* interesting clients in her bookkeeping business. (I’m thinking of a certain “adult toy” shop.) How much research went into your descriptions of the merchandise?

Bawdy Pillows and chocolate-scented leather are mere fig-newtons of my imagination.  But if I ever find a four-foot-tall penis-shaped body pillow with an air bladder in it, I’m gonna buy it just for laughs!

* * *

More questions? Drop ‘em in the “What Do You Think?” box at the bottom of the page…

17 responses to “Fun FAQ

  1. raroxs

    I absolutely love your series and I am going crazy for the next book in the Never Say Spy series to come out! When I found this site and realized I could track the progress of the 7th book I think I hit a new stalker level in my life… it sounds even more stalkerish written out. :) I found the Never Say Spy because I was looking for a book about a girl who could kick butt and after the first few pages I was hooked, not even funny hooked I think I read all the books in three days (shows how much free time I have) ! I love your writing and this series keep writing!

    • LOL! Welcome, Stalker. I’m flattered that you kicked your stalking game up a notch for Never Say Spy! ;-) And wow, all the books in three days – sounds like you devour books as fast as I do.

      I just sent Book 8: Spy Now, Pay Later out for final proofing a few minutes ago, so I’m getting excited about releasing it! I never know how long the proofing will take, but I’m hoping to get it finalized sometime in the next couple of weeks.

      Thanks for coming by and commenting – it’s so great to get your encouragement!

      • Aaaahhh!!! I love Spy Now, Pay Later just finished reading it!!!!!!!

        • That’s awesome – I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I’ve been plotting madly this week, and I just wrote the first sentence of Book 9 a few minutes ago. I’ve got a bunch of quirky new characters in my head, so it’s going to be a lot of fun to write! :-)

  2. Absolutely love your books and have gobbled up all of them since discovering the first as a Kindle freebie a couple of months ago and cannot wait for No.8 to appear! Just keep that fertile brain of yours working to keep Aydan and co going as long as you can….. Five stars for all so far and many thanks for the hours of reading enjoyment.

    • Hi Anne – I’m glad you’re enjoying the series! Thank you so much for dropping by to tell me. :-)

      I’m hard at work on Book 8, I promise! I just hit the 50% mark last week…

  3. Beth McGreagor

    “I went looking for some fiction featuring kick-ass, sexy 40+ women, and I found… nothing. Which is preposterous.”

    What about Sara Paretsky and Sue Grafton? They both have an awesome series featuring a kick-ass 40+ female and they’ve been writing for years, their books landing on the NY Times bestseller list many times.

    Your series sounds like a good read too. Will give it a try.

  4. Why are your musical references all/most/whatever American?

    Shit, you guy’s have The Tragically Hip!!! And the Hip a’int no youngster thing, for those who might be in the dark…

    SO…what gives???

    Love from Texas!

    • LOL! Oh, no! This is the part where I have to admit what a lousy Canadian I am. ;-)

      The truth is, I chose the musical references because the lyrics spoke to the theme/mood I wanted to create. I really wanted to include parts of the songs, but the copyright laws are so strict in the music industry, I couldn’t even include a few words. So I chose songs from well-known musicians like Bob Seger (I’m a huge Seger fan anyway) and the Eagles, hoping that lots of people would know the lyrics and ‘get’ the reference.

      Sadly, The Hip didn’t make the cut. Nor Rush, nor The Guess Who…

      Sure hope the Patriot Police don’t come and confiscate my beaver.

  5. Jr Hill

    Wow Mrs. Henders, I must say I love this series and cant wait for the next book(s) to come out. I am quite hooked, looking forward to the next installment. Though I am chewing my nails a bit………..

  6. Pingback: Beautiful, Sunshiny, Versatile… And Lazy | Diane Henders

  7. wow, very cool. Its an achievemnent most writers dream of accomplishing in their lifetime. You definitely got it going on!

  8. Pingback: Yeah, I Guess Versatile Would Describe Me and My Blog… « Diana Murdock's Blog

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